How not to care anymore at all? Help

If your friend is being bashed (as I understand the word), he needs to go to the police. If 'bashing' means criticism, he needs to get a tougher hide or conform. "Leather pants and very sexy clothes" are attention-seeking gestures, the opposite of conformity. Your very good-looking friend has a choice:
1) become an actor or a male model, which will put him among other good-lookers and, if he's good enough, get him enough money to laugh at 'bashers'
2) dress like a normal person and fit in with the people he'd like as friends
3) go on as he is, poncing about in costumes fit for a gigolo and accept that condemnation will come from other males

My friend says that his trick not to care is [...]. Just like a giant walking on a grass full of ants.

A giant might be happy with other giants around but a normal human being will be miserable without company and when even the ants hate him.

... too sexy or good looking like Elizabeth Hurley (actress), she gets bashed by other envious , jealous women and she doesn't care, she always looks happy and sexy...

That's because she is happy and sexy, as well as smart enough to know it won't go on forever. That was my first suggestion for your friend: consider it an asset to be mined, not a permanent gift that will alienate him from the "ants".

Elizabeth Hurley doesn't think she's "too sexy or good looking", and she's put herself in an industry where she meets other beautiful women (and men) all the time. She has no reason to feel anything other than pity for jealous people, and has put herself far out of their reach.

So you're suggesting that my friend goes to a place like Elizabeth Hurley we're he will fit in? You are talking as if it's bad for him to dress in leather pants and sexy clothes..and that it would be better to ft in. But he finds people not enough expressive and sad that many people dress to blend in and not for themselves. I remember I was wearing a very sexy dress once and was told by men I was very attractive and hot. Women we're giving me death looks and calling me a whore and a slut just like regular(not celebrity-like) women do to Elizabeth Hurley. It's a shame you can't be sexy or dress sexy because so called ''regular'' people with low confidence around will put you down. I love Elizabeth Hurley. She has the confidence, flaunts her beautiful body and often on social medias women that aren't celebrities put her down saying she is a whore and a ugly women etc. Some women get trouble at work with their co-workers because they dress too sexy or are genuinely beautiful or handsome and jealous people put those down. It's a sad society I find. My friend has a lot of female friends, but a lot of male haters and had trouble finding a job because of it.

He has an amazing personality, but men are pissed at him it's quite obvious by proofs and facts. If Angelina Jolie , Pamela Anderson or Liz Hurley would be in a regular job and life...they would probably with their looks and style be hated by women and have very little friends. It's sad. So my friend should take it as a compliment that so many men are jealous at him instead of being sad about it and that's how he's been dealing with it. It helps, but getting into a career with good looking people would help things for him. He should surround himself with confident people, not low confident self conscious people. I used to have that problem and now I work in a environment we're women feel sexy, are sexy and take care of themselves and we all love each others and laugh at the jealous low confident women. It's a better feeling. Their jealousy feeds us with pride because we see that we caught their attention. There are ways to avoid the bad in life and you're right about surrounding oneself with people with similar qualities. He tried to fit in in regular jobs in a office, using his diploma, but even in good office jobs men we're focusing on his looks instead of his great abilities at work. People focus on looks a lot! I on my side dress classy, clean with expensive clothes and sexy at the same time and no longer care for the jealous looks I get sometimes because I have a job with girls like me who compliment me and we all love each others and I feel good that way. I don't hide because some don't like seeing my cleavage or partial nudity sometimes because I know that one day I'll be old and wrinkled and it will be over. I hate that some automatically see it as being bad to be and act sexy. It's way better to see a confident women or men than seeing a low confident person wanting to commit suicide because they think they are horrid!

QueenBeauty? wrote:You are talking as if it's bad for him to dress in leather pants and sexy clothes..and that it would be better to ft in. But he finds people not enough expressive and sad that many people dress to blend in and not for themselves.

If he's happy with his choices, there's no problem. You said he'd developed a way of not caring what others think of him, right? Seems a bit silly to be dressing the way he wants to dress while shaking his head over others because they make different choices. They have rights too, surely?

I remember I was wearing a very sexy dress once and was told by men I was very attractive and hot. Women we're giving me death looks and calling me a whore and a slut just like regular(not celebrity-like) women do to Elizabeth Hurley.

This is where we came in, QueenBeauty -- you being so incredibly beautiful that other people don't like you. Or rather, that both men and women respond appropriately to your presentation of yourself as a sex object. Yep, the men want to do it to you and the women feel threatened. How many dicks is enough for you, QB? Do you really expect the average woman to applaud you, while you turn your nose up at her?

It's a shame you can't be sexy or dress sexy because so called ''regular'' people with low confidence around will put you down.

Isn't that their problem? Why would it matter to you when all you have to do is look in the mirror to see the person you love best?

It's a sad society I find.

I live in the same society, am exquisitely beautiful, and have none of the troubles that cause you so much anguish.

I work in a environment we're women feel sexy, are sexy and take care of themselves and we all love each others and laugh at the jealous low confident women. It's a better feeling. Their jealousy feeds us with pride because we see that we caught their attention.

That's great, exactly what I suggested for your male friend. These friends will be there for life, because they have the same values as you do. Personally I think it's a shame to close yourselves off to women whose confidence rests on who they are rather than how they look, but that's what happens when you believe everyone else wants what you have.

I on my side dress classy, clean with expensive clothes and sexy at the same time and no longer care for the jealous looks I get sometimes because I have a job with girls like me who compliment me and we all love each others and I feel good that way. I don't hide because some don't like seeing my cleavage or partial nudity sometimes...

Great. I wonder why you're still banging on about it 18 months after you signed up, but great anyway. I mean, is it a problem or isn't it?

I know that one day I'll be old and wrinkled and it will be over.

Yes, I imagine the mirror will increasingly become a source of distress for you. Life would be far from over at the menopause if you'd been able to love and respect yourself for something more enduring than your own physical loveliness, but you and your friends have decided how you look is the most important way to judge yourself and others -- and I for one wouldn't dream of trying to change your mind.

You think I am wrong on everything? Why do you judge me like that? Like if you mock my friend for wearing sexy clothes or me for attracting mostly male friends. These aren't lies, they are facts and if they were lies I wouldn't invent a story to post here just to mess with people and lose your time. I post things over here because everything I say is what happens in my life. Have you ever spoke to women before? Don't you know that for some, it is very hard to attract the other gender? I have female friends, but not a lot. I am nice and kind, but have an easier time dealing with men because I find their company more interesting. I like videogames, movies, sports, rough things that the women in my life don't really enjoy talking about or doing.And you see to be against that and insinuating that I am some sort of slut just because I am a woman that hangs out with men. You are right about the fact that I shouldn't care and my friend shouldn't care about other people's opinions or looks because there's always someone who's going to hate even if you are a good person and think you're doing the right thing. You seem to think that it's ridiculous for my friend to dress sexy with leather clothes just because in our society people who wear these types of clothes are often called gay or whores. It's sad that you think my friend should hide in the shadows by directing himself in a field like to become a celebrity just because he would fit in. Don't you hate the fact that in our society people can't be themselves and dress like they want without getting judged or perceived at as weirdos?

I would love to see every women confident and wearing proudly sexy revealing clothes just like men. Everybody accepting each other without judgements because everybody would not have a reason to hate or be jealous. I know I have to change my attitude toward it. It was hard for me and my friend. You seem to think it is wrong to dress in revealing clothes just because other people may find it distracting or inappropriate, I think that what's REALLY inappropriate in this society is the fact that people have to follow standards in order to fit it with what's been called ''normal people''. It would be beautiful to see everyone revealing their true self and style of clothes and personality. I've seen a lot of bubble headed people in my life. I judge by looks and personality because in my life that's how women judged me without knowing me so I came to conclusion that women are all competitive toward each others and then spoke to other women and they told me the same. I am not alone, in my life , on internet, everywhere there are so much women complaining about how bitchy other women are toward each others. I am not a feminist and am not afraid to express my profound disappointment in women's attitude toward their husbands and in general and men like me for understanding them and not being a bitchy feminist who defends the female gender at the point I hate men. I think men are more interesting and fun than women in general in my life. I only have 5 good female friends who understand me and are themselves and it has nothing to do with their looks.

QueenBeauty? wrote:... insinuating that I am some sort of slut just because I am a woman that hangs out with men.

Isn't that the same response you expect and believe you get from the majority of women? You repeatedly say most women don't like you because you're so beautiful. Please note, I have never seen you. I don't know what you look like in leather pants and lace-up camisoles. I surmise, by your many references to Elizabeth Hurley, that you consider yourself the same 'type'... but I can only respond to what you tell me about yourself. I have not and never will insinuate that you or any other woman is "some sort of slut" for enjoying male attention.

You seem to think that it's ridiculous for my friend to dress sexy with leather clothes...

You misunderstand me. What's ridiculous is engaging in attention-seeking behaviours then complaining about the attention he gets.

It's sad that you think my friend should hide in the shadows...

I don't think that, nor do I see why it would sadden you (or your friend) if I did. Like everyone else, I'm attracted to beauty and confidence. I'll admit I'm somewhat disturbed at the thought of a young woman who's so beautiful it's become some kind of a handicap.

You seem to think it is wrong to dress in revealing clothes...

Not at all, as long as you don't object to people looking at whatever it is you're displaying.

It would be beautiful to see everyone revealing their true self...

You mean our breasts and genitalia? Is your body your "true self", QB? Or is your true self the person who goes on presenting in a particular way even though she firmly believes it offends others?

I came to conclusion that women are all competitive toward each others and then spoke to other women and they told me the same.

Okay, this is the way you see women. (Do you include yourself? or are you an honorary man?) By your standards of beauty and sexiness, and assuming they're the most important aspects of womanhood, YOU ARE WINNING. Congratulations!

So why all the posts saying this is a problem? Is it because all the 'losers' aren't equally delighted? Or could it be because most women you meet aren't even competing?

I am not alone, in my life , on internet, everywhere there are so much women complaining about how bitchy other women are toward each others. I am not a feminist...

No. You have a great contempt for women then you're offended because they don't want to be friends with you.

I think men are more interesting and fun than women in general in my life.

And so, by being beautiful and sexy, you attract pretty much every man with a pulse and most women stay away from you. This is what you want, this is what you say you have. Tell me again why you started this thread about your male friend being "bashed" for his sartorial splendour... because it looks to me as though you've both got it all together.

To sum up:
You are beautiful and dress to advantage
Men flock around
You believe most women are jealous bitches, and respond defensively (as you have responded to me -- and I am not jealous of you)

I would love to see every women confident and wearing proudly sexy revealing clothes

I believe women's lives are more about who we are and what we do than about being looked at and judged by.... you!

NO wonder you respond that way..you are a women. I know I am a beautiful women and am capable of complimenting other women about their personality and looks. To give you an idea of what kind of person I am from the many men who told me is ; I dress and look superficiel with rich clothes, classy, but sexy at the same time. When we get to know me ; men realize I am not at all superficiel like my outside shows. I am actually more of a woman with a man's personnality.

QueenBeauty? wrote:NO wonder you respond that way..you are a women.

You'll go on getting what you want, expect and actively solicit, QB. I don't think even you can kid yourself I respond as I do because of the way you look.

When we get to know me ; men realize I am not at all superficiel like my outside shows.

We know why men take the trouble to get to know you, but why would any woman? If you want more friendships in your life, it makes sense to express your character in the way you dress and behave.

I am actually more of a woman with a man's personnality.

Do the men in your life treat you as if you were a man in a woman's body? That's usually reserved for women who dress in coveralls, drink beer and swear at the football. And more importantly, is it what you want?

When men speak to me, they know they can do anti feminist jokes or be their true self, talking about whatever they want because I don't get offended at their manliness. They tell me that often their wives and female friends don't appreciate their jokes and get offended and call them immature. A lot of the men told me that their wives won't let them have videogames in their house even if it's the man who paid for it. Their wives want to choose for everything without caring about their husband's choices. I find that disgusting that some men are stuck with women who control their lives and stop them from buying certain things they like, without giving them the same freedom men give to their woman. A lot of men I met in my life in my family, in laws or just friends, or acquaintances at work, not all, but the majority are stuck with women who control their lives and that makes an unhappy marriage. When their wives or female friends or just women I meet hear that I give full freedom to my man ( we go to strip clubs together, talk about everything now, our fantasies, who we would like to have sex with, everything) women find that absurd and disturbing, but men call my husband lucky to have me as a wife. To answer your question : Yes, I do want men to reffer to me as a woman because I obviously am one, but I don't want them to stop having guy jokes or being their full selves with me. They told me often and they see me as a great friend to have and sometimes even a sister.

They know that they have to respect me just like I have to respect them. It sucks that just because I get along with men in general because I am understanding toward them and show similar manly personality that other women get furious at the fact I am more accepting and pleasant to hang out with than them who go on and on about makeup,shopping, gossiping and breaking their husband's images. I tried many times to tell women around me to let their man live and let their husbands be themselves and accepting them as they are without changing them. Why do we live in a stupid society we're we hear often : ''The woman is always right'' that's not true at all! Not always. So many men have to struggle to keep their wives because mrs is too difficult to please.

They meet me and realize that girls like me still exist. I don't sleep with them, I don't intentionally seduce them. Perhaps if women would wake up and be less of old fashioned manners with their men marriage would be better for a lot of couples. In my couple, almost everything is permitted as long as we talk about give consent and my man says that he's the happiest person on Earth and feels happy to be with a girl that doesn't stop him from being himself and with whom he can talk to about everything. We've been together for a decade and a half now.We watch porn together, go to sex shops together, we spice up our lives and try everything together while a lot of women don't dare to do these things because it's improper...well...what a joy they must be. Women call me a slut or men magnet, but the facts are that I've been in a relationship for a long time without having the mind of short lasting relationship couples.So you think I should be like other women and show that I am like them, just as nagging and annoying as the majority are toward their husbands just to fit in? That's silly. Women like me are rare. I know it sounds like bragging, but I listen to what I've been told and facts.

QueenBeauty? wrote:So you think I should be like other women and show that I am like them, just as nagging and annoying as the majority are toward their husbands just to fit in?

You have thoughts of your own and attribute them to me, as above, which makes me less inclined to believe that virtually every woman you meet is jealous of you. I don't mean that you're lying, just that your perceptions are prejudiced.

What I don't understand is that you've started so many threads here asking for help with a problem (this one includes a questionmark and the word "Help"), then no matter who responds it turns out you've got all the answers, you know what you're doing, you're beautiful and confident, men love and appreciate you, and all those jealous bitches can go to hell.

So... I'm glad there's no problem, and I'm off.

I should've precised that my question was : '' Do I have to care? Is it bad not to care about negative people around me? ''

No, it's a good idea to ignore negativity in others -- and to do your utmost to get rid of your own.

Hi QueenBeauty,

I don’t see any problem with dressing up based on your preference and personality. If you get the attention from others be they men or women, don’t think of it as envy. A confident woman can carry herself well no matter how she looks. It also takes the right mindset and attitude for a woman to be called “confident.” When you’re truly confident, you know what is appropriate; and you know how to handle the attention you’re getting. Experience also has a lot to do about it.

We want to make sure about how we approach the situation!!!

if you are slamming doors when you want to go outside
it means you are already approaching the situation too much aggressive, too much obsessive...

We want to make sure we accomplish Relaxation before we go outside !!
We want to lock the door more relaxed !! walk outside relaxed !!
so we can approach the situation more RELAXED !!

if I become anxious around other people !! First I make sure how do I approach !!
than I try to have some positive experience around other people !!
so I can change how I feel about the situation ...

I try not to keep running away from !!
Because when you keep running away from it conditions the mind to keep running away from...
instead I try to accomplish relaxation !! so I can change how I feel about the situation..

I try to stand away from nonsense ambitions and expectations from myself !!
I try to stand away from IDIOTIC EGOISTIC ideas !!!
I try to be as much ordinary person as possible !!
all the world have idiotic egoistic ambitions and expectations !!
the names keep becoming bigger and bigger lots of BS added to the name before and after the name..
but the Freedom keeps becoming smaller ;

you cannot be FREE if you already have set up Billions of nonsense goals to accomplish !!
You will only have to move forward to the path you have already created !!
You know you have no time to stop for a second somewhere !!
You know you have no time to breath !!
You cannot even stop for a second and look what is around the room !!

So we want to make sure about EXPECTATIONS we have from ourselves !!
So we can create more freedom !! more relaxation !!
And reminding ourselves what is more important so we can select better what to focus on !!
RELAXATION instead of BIGGER NAMES !!
ORDINARY PERSON instead of AMBITIOUS DICTATOR !!

i think you dress "sexy" for attention from others. i think that nearly always how we dress is how we would like others to see us. it is an image we are choosing to display to the world. if there was noone to look at us & judges us or admire us. say if the whole world was blind, we would all be running around naked probably. or at least wearing stuff based on function rather than fashion.

remember it's not your eyes that are looking at your display. it's other people's eyes. so of course your display is for the benefit of others. even if that's because you feel good about yourself when dressing sexy because you now imagine that others will evaluate you well. or you feel pretty in comparison to others.

so if you dress in a way that stands out, you want attention. if you dress in a way that fits in, you don't want attention.

these threads that you post on these forums are about receiving attention too i think. i can't decide exactly what you are after besides that if anything. because like candid says, you tend to ask a question then kind of ignore the answers & just keep talking about your life in a way that says that actually you have it all figured out. maybe you just want someone to listen to you or to reassure you. i'm not sure.


anyhow solution for caring less about what others think about you:

spend less time thinking about yourself. more time thinking about things outside yourself.
spend more time living in the moment. less time living in the future or the past.