how can I learn to trust my own choices ?

April_A wrote:Any help will be much apprecisted,I had a very a traumatic childhood,which left me with lots of problems,acholism,drug addiction,bad relationships ect.
Just recentley I meet someone that I realy thought I could finally make a life with and have a "grown- up" relationship.Well to cut along story short,Ive been working on myself in attempt to come to some peace and be loved,however on this journey the person that I wanted to get better for has turned out to be even more messed up than I am!
The rational part of my brain tells me everything I know to be true about myself and how the hurt child in me just wanted to be loved,but the over whelming saddness I feel inj my heart,is I know going to lead me to more self disrupting behaviour.

Not sure if what I am saying will help you, but I feel its worth saying because it helps me understand my relationships.

Basically it is m belief that we attract certain people in order to teach us about ourselves. These people are a reflection of how we feel about ourselves, especially our disowned parts we don't love. The universe puts us together to make us learn to love that which we don't love ie the other person. If you fail to learn to love this person, and thus yourself, then you will continue to attract these very same persons until you learn this lesson. This is why you see people going from one self destructive relationship to another, its because they havn't learnt.

understand that whatever has happened in our childhood, and wherever, has served us and has benefited in our growth as adults. Don't think for a minute that your perceived negative events haven't brought you positives. You can't get one without the other, its impossible.

What I suggest you do is think very carefully about what this person has and recognise that you have it too. You know that what has happened to you has made you who you are , and that you are perfect. all your "flaws" have served you and taught you the lessons that you have needed to know. This person is in your life to teach you what you haven't loved about yourself. Its an illusion to think that you are messed up. Love this person because they are you, and together you will learn more about yourself and grow than any other way.

Many thanks Jay,your reply helped me to look at my situation in a new light.
I dont think this relationship is going to survive,but I am determind to learn from it,rember the good times and most of all not see it as another example of some sort of terrible curse I must be under.
So again many thanks and best wishes too you.A

No Problem, glad to help.

Also remember that both good and bad serves us, and life is about both. You can't get one without the other. Maximum learning/growth occurs with both equally. you are not under a curse, just doing what you need to be doing, there are many benefits to balance the perceived negatives.

Good luck with your journey. You are perfect in every way.