How do i stop relying on my mother sometimes for support?

**Posts:** 3 · by **defi_del_loutre** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 5:39 am

Hi. I'm so grateful this board exists.
I ask the question because relying on her makes me angry, and get in fights with her.
I've always had this desperate need to rely on my mother since i was tiny. First off I have a detachment disorder from being separated from my birth mother, secondly my adopted mother has a lot of issues, and isn't mentally fit I dont think, she's extremely neglectful and unreliable. Those are the key words. Dad is just plain not around or concerned. Then the family would gang up on me because i hated the deplorable conditions i lived in.

Here's the thing, sometimes she does have genuinely supportive things to say. Then other times she will leave you in the dust. Totally.

Why do i keep going back to her? How do i stop doing this? How do i completely cut her off and only rely on myself? So when i feel helpless, and uncertain, because my situation (being far from any jobs) I can find a solution?

I am going to start a little business alongside my sister. I just really feel lonely where i am, there is no one here. When i was younger it was so much easier to make friends.

Please help?

**Posts:** 43 · by **BuildALife** » Tue Feb 10, 2015 6:24 am

I would like to suggest that you start setting some goals for yourself in several areas of your life.
Although your post was short it sounds like you are having trouble with friends, you want to start a business and you are looking to build a real life for yourself. Your problem is getting drawn back into needing support from your mother.

Treat yourself as a project, make a list of what you want in life and then start working towards it.
if you want friends then ensure you are active in live and doing things that you enjoy, hobbies, sport, dancing classes, whatever it is that you enjoy. you are more likely to meet people you like when you are doing things you like.

With your business do your homework on it, if it still looks like a good business opportunity then get started.
Also think about finding business social groups where you can meet people and learn about business. Also these groups can provide the ability for you to give and receive support from others in your situation.

The more good things you have in your life the less you are likely to think about going back to your mother for support.
By having social friends and business friends you can find support from there. If you have other more positive relatives around start reaching out to them more.

There is no single cure for relying less on your mother, it is up to you to build a life that gives you the internal strength to cope with things yourself.

**Posts:** 3 · by **defi_del_loutre** » Thu Feb 12, 2015 1:30 am

BuildALife wrote:I would like to suggest that you start setting some goals for yourself in several areas of your life.
Although your post was short it sounds like you are having trouble with friends, you want to start a business and you are looking to build a real life for yourself. Your problem is getting drawn back into needing support from your mother.

Treat yourself as a project, make a list of what you want in life and then start working towards it.
if you want friends then ensure you are active in live and doing things that you enjoy, hobbies, sport, dancing classes, whatever it is that you enjoy. you are more likely to meet people you like when you are doing things you like.

With your business do your homework on it, if it still looks like a good business opportunity then get started.
Also think about finding business social groups where you can meet people and learn about business. Also these groups can provide the ability for you to give and receive support from others in your situation.

The more good things you have in your life the less you are likely to think about going back to your mother for support.
By having social friends and business friends you can find support from there. If you have other more positive relatives around start reaching out to them more.

There is no single cure for relying less on your mother, it is up to you to build a life that gives you the internal strength to cope with things yourself.

Hi. I've become isolated ever since moving to a really remote area. There is not exactly a lot to do around here. The few good friends I have are long-distance, we only text, and people dont care to stay in touch when you're not nearby.. which isn't surprising. I am not sure where to find good friends. All I do is write. Having fuel to drive around is an issue.

How do i stop relying on my mother sometimes for support?

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