Last night i lost it. I dont even know how to get it out there, um...............it's just so internal that i almost regressed back to cutting myself to make the pain real. There. I said it.(instead i went for a huge power walk round the local oval and punched wooden letter-boxes on the way home.)
I feel guilty for wallowing in self pity. i have to make the decision to put my 20 yr old cat to sleep. She's always been there.
She's only started to deterioate in the last couple of wks and i was kidding myself she'd last a couple more months (she has a tumor under her tounge) Friday is THE day.I have anger that cant be placed anywhere. I'm just angry at the world and taking it out on myself and people close to me. I think i need a third person on this one. It's too big.
Iv'e taken the day off today because i was waking up in the night with attacks. Now i feel ok and i should be at my dead end job, But i'm here with my restless kitty, randomly prattling on endlessly
