why do I crush on celebs?

bunnyrabbit wrote: Is this normal??

At 17? Yes. It would be abnormal if you didn't get excited by idealised versions of masculinity.

... if he talks sexually I'm terrified and disgusted. It freaks me out so so much.

Good. Much safer to stick with celebrity fantasies until you decide you want a sexual encounter. It's possible that won't happen in the next couple of years ... but highly unlikely.

If they were to hand out condoms at school I would feel really scared, like I'm expected to have sex.

So you're not ready. That puts you in a much stronger position than other people your age who can't think of anything else and can't necessarily 'win' the object of their choice. Your poster boys are always available, your fantasies make them say and do all the right things ... and you don't have to worry about pregnancy or diseases.

Is it even normal to have such an intense crush on a celebrity, especially one that is no longer living?

My own 17-year-old crushes were alive -- although they might as well have been dead for the probability of my fantasies being fulfilled. Do you want to write about this dead celebrity? Does his appeal lie solely in the fact that he's dead? We can talk about that if you want to.

Hi Candid thank you for your replies, they are very helpful. As I'm new here I'm not sure if I'm replying right, lol I don't know if you're gonna see this... But yeah I wanna talk about him if that's okay, could you reply to this so I know you can see it?

bunnyrabbit wrote:I wanna talk about him

Go ahead.

Candid wrote:

bunnyrabbit wrote:I wanna talk about him

Go ahead.

Okay well he died on 25th June 2009... So yeah. That's who he is.

Not my idea of idealised masculinity ... but tell me what you liked about him. I'm sure he would be horrified at the thought that the date of his death is "who he is". What do you think his life was about?

Candid wrote:Not my idea of idealised masculinity ... but tell me what you liked about him. I'm sure he would be horrified at the thought that the date of his death is "who he is". What do you think his life was about?

well I like his music and he was just really really cool and nice and I feel like is he was alive I wouldn't feel this way. I feel fascinated by his death

Ultimately he died because his parents, particularly his father, put far too much pressure on him and punished him just for wanting to be a little boy. He'd already split off from his Self by the time the world heard of him. What we all saw was the increasingly grotesque caricature of a hot pop star ... all while the unacknowledged little boy was still crying inside. Despite his wealth and success, he was never able to accept himself.

Does any of that sound like you? Because I think you saw more than most people saw, and that you identified with him on a soul level; IOW you recognised the symptoms and thought "he's just like me".

Self-rejection is THE most painful way to go through life. You won't fix it by having a baby (or four) and raising them with the belief that the label 'Mother' is a workable identity on its own. It's just another role, like 'Hot Pop Star'. When you figure out who the actor is, what she really wants and feels, your obsession with someone who didn't figure it out will go away. You'll probably always be moved by his music, but you'll see the tragic waste of it ... and be ready to have a real relationship yourself.

Perhaps I do see myself in him. Thanks for your response, it really is true. I will have to have a deep think. Are you a fan?

I liked his music and enjoyed watching him, but I was born three years before he was so I have a different perspective. I had to google "celebrity who died on 25th June 2009" to find out Who you were being so coy about naming, so I doubt I qualify as a fan.

I gather from your reply to freddyharvey22 that you've concluded your obsession is because you see yourself in He Who Must Not Be Named.

You are obsessed with her because you see yourself in her - you feel she is very similar to you. Here's my advice: do not TRY to get over her. Don't be like 'I'm going to stop liking her as much as I can' as this will make you like her even more. Lol it's reverse psychology. I say just let this run its course, allow yourself to obsess, because if you try to force yourself not to, she will be even more interesting as she becomes forbidden fruit.

I think you've got half the equation here. You are absolutely right that there's no point trying to stop the obsession, but while it's running its course it would be a good idea to go deeper into why you have it. Let's consider a couple of things.

1) Why you (and Freddy) are uncomfortable naming your chosen celebrities who were, after all, not shy about presenting their false selves to the world

2) What it is about gifted people who wind up dead from drug overdoses that appeals to you (and Freddy)

The reluctance to speak or write The Name indicates this person is sacred to you. Naming him would be like putting your soul out there to be looked at by a world that can't be trusted to understand. This strongly indicates that your own thoughts and feelings, your very self, have been ridiculed and cheapened by significant people around you.

I'm sure you have one or two biographies of He Who Must Not Be Named, or at least that you are very knowledgeable about his life. Seems likely you would also have a copy of his autobiography. It would be interesting to compare the two (his life story as he told it, and as told by someone else) because this was a man who lived and died in a state of unawareness. He didn't know Who He Was.

Rather than "just let this run its course", I suggest you consider his life and maybe get a dedicated notebook to jot down the similarities between you and him, ie. where you think you knew exactly how he felt, and what motivated him. In other words, use your obsession as a mirror that reveals you more clearly to yourself.

I don't think either you or Freddy really want to follow your celebrities down the path of doom. The universe is geared up to reveal us to ourselves, so we can shine our talents into the world without feeling fear, shame and a sense of being inauthentic. You can be unconscious of Who You Are your whole life, which means when this obsession passes you will continue to see and admire only reflections of yourself. You can spend your life that way -- millions do -- or you can become conscious and maybe become a celebrity yourself. Even if you don't, truly knowing Who You Are will mean an increase in life satisfaction on a scale you can't imagine right now... to the point where the idea of messing with drugs seems absurd.

allow yourself to obsess, because if you try to force yourself not to, she will be even more interesting as she becomes forbidden fruit

There's great wisdom and great hope in this. You will be even more interesting when you find and taste what you now consider forbidden fruit -- something shameful -- inside yourself. This is something no one else can do for you. There's no shame in becoming obsessed with finding out Who You Are and what you have to offer to the world. And, incidentally, it helps to notice what you're saying when you're not even trying to explain deep feelings.

Our own words, obsessions, dreams and day-by-day experiences of life are practically screaming at us: This is who you are!

If you believe it's all Out There and random, that's how you'll live your life. When you realise it's all In Here, and the outer world merely reflects it back to you, you'll be embarking on the greatest adventure anyone can have.

What you were saying about me not being able to name him is so true. In my real life, I can't say his name out loud as I'm scared people will figure out that I like him. If he is mentioned/on TV/in the newspaper, I will get all anxious because I really don't want to give the game away. This happened with the actor/fictional character that I liked before him too. I always wondered why this was and you explained it perfectly. I do have his autobiography and I know an awful lot about his life too. I would love to compare his biography with his autobiography, it would be really cool. And I really really do want to figure out Who I Am, this is something I Google daily, like the psychology behind the things I do/think. Thanks for explaining everything so well. BTW I think I may have an idea who Freddy likes but I'm not totally sure, if she is who I am thinking of, she was such a beautiful woman and I totally see why he would like her.

bunnyrabbit wrote:I can't say his name out loud as I'm scared people will figure out that I like him. If he is mentioned/on TV/in the newspaper, I will get all anxious because I really don't want to give the game away.

I get it. Well, try not to be scared people will figure out that you like you! Move past the anxiety about giving the game away, ie. exposing Who You Are. When you can love and appreciate yourself, you'll just laugh if people imply you're too full of yourself (who should you be full of??) and you'll be happy to give the game away, because you'll realise you have nothing to hide. That was just a bad dream you were having, and it's over.

BTW I think I may have an idea who Freddy likes but I'm not totally sure, if she is who I am thinking of, she was such a beautiful woman and I totally see why he would like her.

I've got the initials JJ for Freddy's. She's more my era, and I liked her, too.

Your not alone..

I have crush on celebs too..

Not only in Hollywood even from local.

TeeJee wrote:Your not alone..

I have crush on celebs too..

Not only in Hollywood even from local.

Lol they do have serious appeal

Crushing is an age-related thing, a necessary precursor to adult relationships. Enjoy it while it lasts, because reality's a bit more challenging.