Cleveland1988 wrote:I find that most people who are angry are either:
1. big, burly, dominant dudes who get angry when their dominance is challenged and
2. people who have a very complex type of "anger" that seems more inward-directed.
Mine is physical anger related to a physical problem. I get into a physical fight about once every 2-3 years, which is normal for this neighborhood and any neighborhood I can afford to live in. People tell me small towns are safer but when I try living in small towns the only thing that changes is that instead of getting picked on by some big, burly, black drug dealer/gang member, I'm getting picked on by some big, burly, white drug dealer in a biker gang. The concept of a "safe area" is heavily influenced by racism I can't help but believe. Every town I move to there's big burly dudes pushing me around.
Every time I try to defend myself it fails. Miserably.
I'm autistic and I have terrible hand-eye coordination. I can't conceal carry, not even a taser or mace, because I've been inside psychiatric hospitals.
I also feel alone because other people are "angry" because they just plain like causing pain toward others...tortured animals when they were children, etc.
I'd like to find more people who are angry because they've been ostracized, shunned, and "othered" their whole lives like I have. I feel like finding those people would be good for my mental health.
I've tried self defense training and the instructors don't even think I'm trying. You can't expect them to hold back a class of 30 students and spend the entire class, every class, pulling me aside and explaining things to me a hundred times that other students get their first time. And no, not doing this doesn't mean they're "not good instructors" and I just need to find a "good" one.
Hi Cleveland,
The way I understand what you have written is that you seem only to have a problem with Anger because you lose all your fights, and that you would be so much more okay with it if you were the Big Bully pushing his weight around. Now, yes, of course, in Male Dominated Social Groups there can be a lot of Dominance Behavior – assertions of Leadership and Territory Ownership. But studies have also shown that Egalitarianism is also a Powerful Force in Male Groups, and often the Effective Leader (the Guy that everyone actually follows around) is actually the nicest guy who knows where to go to have fun (that is why the other guys follow). So it is not all about being Big and Mean. Since you will Never be Big Enough to make Mean work for you, I would suggest you give all that up now. Fighting will just get you hurt or thrown in jail or some Institution.
Oh, and this is an Anger Management Page, where people come to learn how NOT to be Angry. You seem to be here in order to compare Notes with other Angry People – to get Tips. How to be Successfully Angry. This is not what we do here. The Worst Thing you can do is focus on ways to Justify your Anger. Yes, we have reasons for our Anger, but we have much better reasons for Staying Calm despite all the provocations. I don’t have first hand knowledge concerning the ordinary state of mind of an autistic person, and so I don’t know whether you understand or not that Being Calm is a better Feeling than Being Angry.
I would write more to you, but I am not sure of your attitude in being here and would not wish to be wasting my time. Try reading the last 5 or 6 Threads and see what the discussions are and whether you could enjoy going to that direction. After that, if you are interested, then, please, ask me anything you like, or of course the other Regular Helping Members here.