Anxiety

Hi there! I know exactly how it feels to go through what you're going through. This happened to me years ago with my (at the time) girlfriend. I stopped taking my medication (Celexa) because it was making it hard for me to have an orgasm (it dulls sensitivity in that area). I started playing video games more and distancing myself from her. I actually started questioning my love for her. But every time I thought about breaking up, I felt horrible and emotional.

I finally told her I thought I was falling out of love with her, and this crushed her. I couldn't believe I said that to her, because deep down, I knew I loved her with every bit of myself. The thought of losing her made me feel like my heart was being ripped out. The next day, I told her I didn't mean what I said. I told that I'm just depressed and that my emotions are out of whack. I finally looked up what was going on with me; I was dealing with Relationship OCD. I knew that's what I had, because I was already diagnosed with OCD 7 years prior. Every single symptom matched how I felt.

Let me tell you this... If you are constantly worried about not loving your boyfriend, chances are, you really do love him. If the thought of not loving him brings you this much distress, I'm willing to bet that you actually do love him. I'm not diagnosing you with ROCD; I'm just telling you my experience. Though, you may want to search this condition and see if it sounds like what you're going through.

Once I got put back on my medication, I no longer questioned how I felt about my girlfriend. Unfortunately, the damage was already done. My distance from her caused her to seek affection elsewhere. She was already dealing with relationship guilt because of her religion (we are both women), and she decided to be with a man because my distance stressed her out to the point of feeling guilty for being with me. This does NOT mean your relationship is done for. I think you still have time to repair the hurt (assuming your boyfriend is feeling hurt).

Even though my ex-girlfriend chose the guy, and ended up marrying him, she is always depressed. I know deep down that she knows she's a lesbian. She always tells me that she fantasizes about women, and she tells me she isn't attracted to men. She reached out to me a few months ago before marrying him. She was so close to breaking off the marriage. But her family pressured her to marry him, so she did.