Fear of public speaking ruling my life.

[quote="jardine199"]I am a 17 year old boy in my 2nd last year of secondary school. I have had a fear of public speaking for about 3 years now and i am sick of how stupid it is, yet it is controlling so many aspects of my life! . . .

Jardine199,

First off, chill. You're young and have lots of time to deal with this. Know this though--your fear of public speaking will never entirely go away. So don't try to fight it back or spend money on pricey programs that promise to "eliminate all fear" because it won't happen (you'll be tempted to do this later if your career path requires public speaking).

The good news is that fear can work to your advantage. Believe it or not, a speaker with no nervous energy would appear boring and uninteresting. The best speakers, just like any performer, have learned to utilize anxiety to their advantage by channeling it into what they do.

Take advantage now to prepare and practice. Create a simple two or three point version of your speech and do it in front of a video camera. Then watch yourself. Pay attention to what both looks and sounds good, figure out how it can be made better, then try again. This kind of feedback is invaluable. If you can, do the speech in front of friends or family and then ask them what worked and what didn't. Often what we think looks or sounds a certain way is far different from the perspective of an audience member.

Prepare your notes using just key or "trigger" words. *Never write a speech out word for word or try to memorize it. Rather, use the key words to remind you of what to say and then just speak from your heart. Your audience does not know your speech and won't know you made a mistake unless you tell them. And back your points with stories. They're easy to retell and audiences love stories--gives you instant credibility.

Use your voice. Speak loudly but without shouting. Speak louder than you would one on one. This gives you authority and confidence. Don't rush--don't be afraid to pause and collect your next thought. Pausing actually make you look very confident.

Use your eyes. Don't stare at the ceiling or the floor, and don't try to imagine everyone in their underwear--that doesn't work. Instead, look people in the eye randomly for 3 to 5 seconds. This can take practice. Again, use your family and friends. This technique alone will make you look like a professional speaker.

Right beforehand, stretch your mouth and tongue. Warm up your voice by humming from your lowest to your highest a few times. Drink lots of water, but no dairy or sugar. Then breath deep, hold your chin high, and walk to the mic with confidence. When you get there, don't apologize and don't say "I'm scared." Just smile and jump right into it.

If you follow these steps you'll feel more in control of the fear instead of the other way around. The bottom line though is that the more you do it the better you'll get at it.

You'll be fine.

Google: Divine Knowledge Transfer

Hi guys,

I'm still researching alot on how to overcome the fear of public speaking. There are many websites out there that offer help, some good and some not so good. When I find something definitive, I'll be sure to give you guys a shout out. Don't worry, nobody is alone here. We are all in this quest to tackle the fear. Check out my other thread on "FOR ALL THOSE SUFFERING FROM PUBLIC SPEAKING" on this forum and let me know what happens.

Thanks!

I agree with most of KellyL's post, though some people find this problematic:

look people in the eye randomly for 3 to 5 seconds.

If it works for you, great. But you can also try the opposite:

Treat the audience as a single entity. You and the audience. One on one. And don't look anyone in the eye.

Whatever works.

Treat the audience as a single entity.

My theory is that people like me, who always struggled more to speak to a new person at a party and who never struggled to speak in front of people, naturally see the audience as a single entity.

I don't know whether that's ever been studied.

Hello Jardine.

I do presentation skills training for a living and let me reassure you that it's absolutely normal to be very afraid. As has been said, if you're not nervous you're probably boring. We have a company mantra: the day you stand up to make a presentation and you're not nervous is the day AFTER you should have have quite.

And we're professionals - so presentation nerves are absolutely allowed for amateurs!

That said, you might find this video useful...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5_cf-9VYZU

Best wishes... Simon

Maybe you need to face more social situations. Practice talking in front of strangers or friends to build your confidence. Hopefully this will help alleviate some of the stress you face.

jardine199 wrote:I am a 17 year old boy in my 2nd last year of secondary school. I have had a fear of public speaking for about 3 years now and i am sick of how stupid it is, yet it is controlling so many aspects of my life! I am very confident within my group of friends and family but when it comes to reading something out or giving a presentation infront of 5+ people i dont know well my heart beats like crazy, my voice deepens so low it can barely be heard and i find myself almost gasping for a breath after every couple of words. I have been told by all of my teachers and friends that i should be aiming high for university options, places like Cambridge and London School of Economics, but i feel myself holding back due to this ludacris phoebia. I don't want to continue life under the fear of a presentation coming up in school o having to read out a simple article in class. It's completely embarressing to have your friends see you like that when they expect you to be so confident. I dont know who to talk to about this and dont expect any radicle solutions from this wall post. I dont want to talk to my family about sorting out the problem but dont know how else to fix it?!i have read through so many posts by other people in my situation, yet it doesn't make me feel happier that im not the only one going through this, it makes me so angry that we feel trapped in this anxiety for the rest of our lives. I just wanted to get my thoughts out there and maybe have someone to talk to. I hate that i feel this is beating me, i really want to do something about it but i am scared that me facing my fear will end in humiliation and i'll backstep. VERY LOST ATM.

Do not worry, we all have some situations of fear,and we must work on it.You need psyhological teraphy named Gestalt teraphy. That can during one year,but you are solved for lifetime.

I have no fear of public speaking if I know what I'm talking about and if my speech topic is something that I'm passionate about. I feel confident instead.

But if people tell me to speak about something I don't really familiar with, then it feels like I'm gonna die.

Hard to answer the question but I think it pretty much depends on the situation and also on your mood. You can be trained very well, but in certain mood or situation the fear might come back, but not as intensive as before you overcame it (= lessen it).

Hi all,

Ive been paying contibutions to CIEs pension scheme for the last twenty years and have a significant amount built up. In addition, I also have a substantial sum in an AVC with Irish Life. With the virtual collapse in public finances Ive been wondering about the best way to provide for my old age .

I think theres a pretty good chance of privatisation in the next few years, and having worked for over a decade in three different jobs in the private sector in my time, its been my unfortunate experience that honesty is at a very high premium among business people. Im pretty sure the first order of business for any incoming private sector operator will be to mount a raid on the pension fund, so my first question is what, if any, legal restraints are on employers to prevent them doing a Robert Maxwell?

Secondly, would it be possible in the event of a new employer taking over to withdraw my pot in the company pension scheme and add it to my AVC with Irish Life, changing the whole thing over to a PRSA?

Hello.

For all of us who have public speaking fear or performance anxiety, the power of positive thinking for some is not enough, however well meaning.

Thus, because this is a combination of learned and most likely a contributory genetics problem, it may help to get rid of the autonomic symptoms through beta blockers like Inderal while you "practise" in things like toastmasters or behavioral modification Once your body/mind learns it doesn't have to go into flight or fight mode and you have success, you hopefully will not need any meds, and when I say meds I don't mean things like xanax or valium. Talk to your doctor or nurse practitioner about this and whether it is a viable option for you.

Not making eye contact is a bad option. Its the best way to loose your credibility.

People aren't always afraid of public speaking. People are afraid of public embarrassment!
In today's media age, we get to see all kinds of things. On one hand, we can see well-rehearsed and well-honed acting and comedic performances. On the other hand, there are all kinds of talent shows where we are painfully reminded of the failure to entertain. And then there's people like Susan Boyle where everyone expects little but is then surprised by the results.
Trouble happens when we place unrealistic expectations on ourselves to perform. We might think we're good at what we do and should therefore be able to talk about it. But making a subject interesting and compelling to other people requires specific skills and lots of practice, separate from doing the job itself. Trouble also happens when we get too fixated with the failures.

I understand your fears about speaking in public.Just like most fears it is learned so you can unlearn it easily.Do you know what to do with breathing when you have a panic attack coming on? Breathe out 3 times.
There are also phobia cures which cured me of claustrophobia well.

Hi all,

I just wanted to say that I lso used to suffer from an absolutely life crippling fear of public speaking. I would call off sick from work if I thought I may have to speak or just leave a room if I thought I might have to introduce myself for a few moments. I love public speaking now.

If I can get over it anyone can!!