Depression...

Hi all,

I have been depressed now for quite a few month's now.

My parner of 21yrs left me 18mth's ago she needed to live on her own , we are still good friends.
I felt a little depressed and on many occasions been depressed before but have over come it.

Untill recently... After my partner left and about 4mths after, I went internet dating trying to meet a lady I could start a new life with, well after many date's I met this wonderfull lady and we had 8mth's of great friendship and love and I fell in love with her, I did many thing's I had not done before, she had a Son 0f 10yr's nad we became great friend's..

Every thing was just so beautifull we travelled the world and I was madly in love with her...and loved her son to.

We decided to buy a house together and sell our own home's a new public school for her son, everything was just so fine....I was extreamly happy and she to.

Then out of the blue she decided she did'nt want to pursue it any longer and told me she would just like to be friend's ...I was deeply hurt, but reluctently accepted her decision...I started to become very withdrawn and depressed which got worse and worse I spoke to her on the phone but became very angry and said some very horrible thing's which I didn't mean
but the damage was done.....I felt even worse..I phoned her and told her how sorry I was and it was not meant and asked for her forgivness but she could not.....

So after a few weeks pasted I went to see her we spoke and she was friendly....I just loved her so much, I hugged her and gave her a kiss, to which she replied...If you knew where I was last night you would not want to kiss me! I felt so sick but had to ask....she repield with Richard I stayed at his house ( another man she met on the internet) I felt so ill and sick........and now very very depressed I just have given up on every thing I want to go slepp and not wake up I have prayed to god to for me not to wake up.....but I'm still here.....I am not strong enough to committ suicide!
Life do I need it?