Two Faces??

**Posts:** 22 · by **mel** » Sun May 09, 2004 1:13 pm

Hello All,

I have written in length about my partners depression in another posting and have had a great deal of help and support from members of this site. I have tried to understand and increase my knowledge on the subject of bi-polar disorder - which I think may be his problem - and have been successful to some extent. The course has been very helpful. My feeling is that the more I understand the more I can help him.

I have noticed that when my partner is having one of his 'down' spells - which he is having more often now than before and which are lasting longer and longer than before - his appearance seems to be different to the way it was when he was having an 'up' mood.

On ordinary days, he looks like the man I met a couple of years ago and fell madly in love with. Square face - early fifties. When he is either IN one of those spells or on the way towards them, his face looks so different and even his voice is completely different. The face when negative, is quite pointy in the chin and he looks very much like a fourteen year old (he says he was bullied as a teenager - not sure if this is important) and his behaviour is spiteful and mean. His voice becomes quite dull - completely colourless. Were he a child, Id call him a spoiled brat. During these periods, when he phones me, I do not even recognise his voice. He is completely different to the 'other' person - the one who I continue to love. I have noticed also that the shadows under his eyes - when the mood is upon him - look like bruises and his skin is tinged yellow.

I have thought for some time that all this was my imagination running wild and began to make notes of when I noticed the changes in him. I have found that there are actual changes. He definitely looks different.

Id be grateful for some input on this - whether this is right or wrong - and whst I can do to help him. We are currently going through a very negative period when he no longer loves me, wants to be with me, etc., etc Two weeks ago he said that he DID want to be with me but regarding that, he now says 'oh that - thst was a couple of weeks ago and its the way I felt THEN...'

Many thanks for allowing me to share this with you.

Mel :?:

**Posts:** 225 · by **fathom** » Wed May 12, 2004 7:52 am

Unfortuately Mel I'm not an expert in these areas but will bump this to the stop so others can easily find it and possibly help.

**Posts:** 2522 · by **kfedouloff** » Wed May 12, 2004 11:19 am

Hi Mel

I think this happens quite a lot - people's moods do affect how they look, how they sound, how they stand and sit and walk. A characteristic mood is quite likely to be associated with a characteristic experience.

I wondered whether your partner recognises his own moods at all? Does he acknowledge that they happen? I mean, when he is in a good state, does he look back and acknowledge that the bad state had also been there?

Kathleen

**Posts:** 22 · by **mel** » Sun May 23, 2004 4:53 pm

Dear Kathleen,

Thanks for your response.

I can understand a person looking for example sad or happy or angry but have never seen anyone look so different as does my partner when he has his mood. He doesnt look like a very 'nice' person when I see that change in his features.

We had one brief conversation a few weeks back when he was in his 'nice phase' and I told him how I felt when I saw Pointy Face instead of the face that I loved. He said that he knew he changed when in a mood and that he became another person. He also said that I was lucky that I could see the change in his features so that I was forewarned! This is the first time he has admitted this to me. Previously he said that he had nothing wrong with him - it was ME who had the problem.

I asked him whether he wasnt troubled by the fact that he could never know who hed would be at any given time. He said that he was used to it and this was the way hed always been - he accepted it. I told him that I felt very sorry for him - that it saddened me that he had this cross to bare. He said that sometimes he also felt sorry for himself.

Watching television one evening, when he was in a 'good state', a man and a woman were having a tiff and the man behaved EXACTLY like my partner. I didnt say a word. He laughed and said, 'Does that remind you of someone?'. I was positively shocked!

it is a sad - I doubt this man likes himself very much. I believe that he feels that because HE doesnt like himself, I shouldnt either. It is very upsetting as I do love this man very much.

I cant say that I know very much about skitsophrenia (sorry! Dont even know how to spell it!) Is this what it is or is this just a kind of depression?

Many thanks for your help - it is much appreciated.

Mel

Two Faces??

#1

#2

#3

Main Menu

Depression Resources

Recent posts

Active topics

Contact Us