4 years ago I was treated in a hospital with 93 lbs and 5'3. Up to this day I haven't been able to understand why my mother put me to that hospital. I did eat 5 times a day, at least 1000 calories. I did not regard myself as fat and I did not exercise at all. Anyway, my mother considered me "dangerously anorexic" as she'd said.
The treatment was like a real nightmare. First of all, I was regularly weighed completely naked in front of 2-3 doctors. Then, they insisted on me admitting that I'd urged myself to vomit and used laxatives (I swear I had not!).
Now I'm 18 years old. I currently weigh 106 lbs and I've remained quite short (5'4). Ever since my treatment my mother hasn't let go of yelling at me for being anorexic. She's been aggressively (like really aggressively) feeding me ever since then. She says terrible things like "Can't you see that everyone's disgusted of your body?" "Can't you see how shocking you look?" "No man will ever look at your bones." "You don't have a boyfriend because you're way too skinny." "Look at you and do EAT! You're SCRAWNY!"
If someone looks at me the very first thing that comes to my mind is "They"re shocked. They know I'm anorexic." or if I see someone looking at me and laughing with others I'm like "They're making fun of me cos they know I'm anorexic." Or when just someone looks at me in rather an unsympathetic way "They're disgusted at me."
So I'm a binge-eater. When all this comes to my mind I start eating. Because I want to look different. I eat at least 4000 calories at those times. And then I'm ashamed. The overwhelming guilt makes me try to vomit but I unfortunately cannot so I use laxatives and live with the guilt. I incredibly hate myself. I'm ashamed of all this.
Could I ever cure? HOW?! Is my weight that low? Are my fears reasonable?