My husband exhibits passive, aggressive (?) behavior. About a year ago I found bruses on the side of my stomach and other times on my arms. I became suspicious because I didn't recall hitting anything and the bruises seemed to increasingly hurt.
I later on more than one occasion lay still and my husband assumed I was asleep. He punched me on the side of my stomach where I had been getting the bruises. I didn't want to believe it so made a comment about the bruses but didn't accuse him. Another time he assumed I was asleep and he took his fingers and pinched me leaving a scare on my arm. I believe this happened twice.
He lacks confidence and according to him his mother was very abusive when they were younger. There are a lot of family issues for him. His sister doesn't speak to his mom and blames her for some fairly recent devastating things that happened in their family. After an argument he recently hid one of the phones while leaving off the hook so I couldn't use it. He then erased a phone message intended for both of us with information he didn't want me to hear. I am afraid of him and what he may do. Two days ago my brakes wouldn't work and it terrified me. He was recently working on the car and was the last one to drive it. I got the brakes going again but this was a real scare since mechanics are not easily found along the streets in gas stations. I'm not sure he did anything but I'm worried. There have been other things here and there. Is this some type of behavior that warrants immediate attention?
Does this sound unsafe.
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by Nanilli » Fri Oct 15, 2004 8:56 am
From an unprofessional viewpoint, I'd say yes! My question is, how are you able to sleep through that? 
The situations you have stated do not sound safe at all. Perhaps you should both seek counciling together and see where it leads you.
The situations you have stated do not sound safe at all. Perhaps you should both seek counciling together and see where it leads you.by PinkyIsSad » Wed Nov 17, 2004 10:28 pm
btw, side of your stomach is not a good place to receive blunt damage, i'd say seek pro help
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by TwoSidestotheMind » Thu Nov 18, 2004 6:50 pm
These sound like the sort of behaviors that can quickly devolve into serious abuse. Your husband may have a controlling complex, or is just plain.. eh, I can't remember the term for it, it's when someone doesn't take the reality of another person's situation enough.
Whatever the problem, you and he need to get help immediately, before it starts getting worse, which I think will inevaitably happen.
Whatever the problem, you and he need to get help immediately, before it starts getting worse, which I think will inevaitably happen.
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by megan » Sat Nov 20, 2004 5:12 pm
He may have a nicer more plausible side, but I would think you are in quite serious danger from him. I would not actually call this "passive". whats more, it will very likely escalate because he is getting some kind of kick from hurting you, it will get worse not better.
I know a woman that starting her married life in similar circumstances to you, in fact he was just verbally agressive to start with, she said she loved him that he was kind and generous in other ways, it got progressively worse until one day she ended up in hospital with multiple injuries and now has an injuction to keep him away. She is still terrified of him and the psychological damage is almost as bad. So get away from him.
If I was you, I would pack my bags, certainly dont have children with him and be open and tell him what you know and tell him that he needs help right away
I know a woman that starting her married life in similar circumstances to you, in fact he was just verbally agressive to start with, she said she loved him that he was kind and generous in other ways, it got progressively worse until one day she ended up in hospital with multiple injuries and now has an injuction to keep him away. She is still terrified of him and the psychological damage is almost as bad. So get away from him.
If I was you, I would pack my bags, certainly dont have children with him and be open and tell him what you know and tell him that he needs help right away
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by Victoria » Tue Jan 18, 2005 10:14 pm
Hi Trudy,
I was just wondering how you where getting on.
You have been popping in and out of my thoughts since you wrote about your "Problem" back in October.
Has anything changed since then? Are you alright?
Hope to hear from you soon.
I was just wondering how you where getting on.
You have been popping in and out of my thoughts since you wrote about your "Problem" back in October.
Has anything changed since then? Are you alright?
Hope to hear from you soon.
by heathercrichfield » Wed Apr 06, 2005 1:56 pm
Dear Trudy,
Please be careful!
From a professional viewpoint your safety can be at risk. It is important for you to be alert and watch your husband's behavior. You need to address this issue with him (but without blaming) Just as a concern! These things tend only to escalate.
Problems like the one you are facing do not lend themselves to quick resolution. There is a very complex matter, and the best you can do is to try to find the answers.. You and your husband need professional intervention to solve this problem that may end the marriage if not addressed quickly.
Again, Please be careful!
Please be careful!
From a professional viewpoint your safety can be at risk. It is important for you to be alert and watch your husband's behavior. You need to address this issue with him (but without blaming) Just as a concern! These things tend only to escalate.
Problems like the one you are facing do not lend themselves to quick resolution. There is a very complex matter, and the best you can do is to try to find the answers.. You and your husband need professional intervention to solve this problem that may end the marriage if not addressed quickly.
Again, Please be careful!
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