by ClaraRadley79 » Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:29 pm
Hello!
Firstly, can I say I know exactly how you feel, I've been trying to lose weight since I was 14, and now I'm 32 and bigger than ever. I have days where I don't care, and other days where I feel disgusting and repulsive.
I've slowly come to realize though that I'm still the same person, no matter what my size/weight. My personality hasn't changed. I still derserve respect. And so do you. you deserve to respect yourself.
Look at what you've done - you've recovered enough from your depression to be able to carry on without antidepressants. Bloody well done, I say - that's not an easy thing to do (again, experience talking). Every day, you should remind yourself that you have climbed that mountain successfully.
To help with your self-esteem, look at yourself as a person - not at your body (which you should view as soft and warm and cuddly btw). List - on paper - every single nice thing you can think of that someone has said to or about you, and everything you've done that you're pleased with. Tell yourself every single day that you ARE worth it, even if that's not how you feel. Remember that your body does not define you.
I found reading 'Overcoming Overeating' really helpful. It doesn't tell you to go on a diet or do more exercise. Which I was thrilled with, coz I loathe exercise. It helps you to readjust your thinking a little. It helped me accept myself a bit more. I'm still unhappy with my size and plan to lose some over the next few months. But I'm not going to do it until I am mentally ready, and I'm not in that place yet. That is a hugely important point - don't try losing weight until you're 'in the zone', because it won't work and then you'll just feel even worse.
Another exercise - not physical, don't worry! - is to describe your body using ONLY positive terms. So, words such as 'soft', 'warm', 'welcoming', 'curvaceous', 'sensuous' etc etc. Focus on a part of yourself that you do like - hair, eyes, bust, bum, legs, little toes, whatever.
Remember hunny, the people who love you and care about you do so because of the person you are. Their love is not conditional on the size of your body. They love YOU.
I really do wish you all the very best hun x