New member

First of all I just want to say that this is a really helpful and informative site (have spent the past hour looking through the depression section) and I am hoping it will help me to work out how to combat my own depression. I will try and talk a bit about what is happening with me.

I had to accept that I had depression about 4 months ago when I started getting physical symptoms (best described as like having the flu - dizziness, lack of energy, feeling hot and cold at same time etc). Looking back on it, I think my depression started about 8 years ago (when I was about 20), but till recently I was able to control it as I was so focused on my job (I'm a nurse, so I should really have recognized what was going on a long time ago) that the only time anything was wrong was when I left work each day and felt low. However, I always thought this was because I put so much emotionally into my work, that I was just drained.

For the last 8 years, I have always experienced low moods (usually for a week or two) but normally snapped out of them without any intervention. As it happened quite regulalry, I figured it was just a normal thing for me. I did once go for counselling but it didn't help (I think mainly because I was forced to go)

I think I finally came to the point where I couldn't control things because a lot has happened over the last few years. I moved into a house on my own, almost lost my nan to illness, lost my grandad to illness, spent almost 2 years off work with an injury and subsequent surgery and, probably the biggest factor, my boss is treating me with a complete lack of respect and, well, decency (I feel that my boss no longer wants me working where I am and is treating me accordingly...the problem is I don't want to leave because I love my job so much and don't want to work anywhere else)

I feel really isolated and alone as I live away from my family and have only one friend who also lives away from me. I used to always be surrounded by friends but over the last few years got tired of doing all the work in the friendships (the visiting, letter writing, phone calling, while they were doing nothing) and decided I'd be better off without them (I'm not sure that was the right decision, but it was made nonetheless).

Looking back, I should have admitted to myself that I had a problem and dealt with it, but I have such a low opinion of myself, that I wouldn't have been able to handle it.

Thats pretty much my history (I could probably write forever about things). I have recently tried anti-depressants, but have found they have no effect except giving me loads of side effects. I have, however, started seeing a counsellor (my own choice this time), and even though we have had only 3 sessions, I am feeling a bit better. I think this is because it is the first time I have really opened up and talked to someone about my feelings (I have always kept things to myself) and what is causing them.

My advice to, well everyone really, is to make sure you talk about things to someone (family, friend, complete stranger) and to get help sooner rather than later