i need mental help i think!

Hi calypso

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment. Have you been to see your doctor about the post-natal depression and anger problem? It may be that the anger is stemming from frustration due to the depression but I think your doctor might be able to help be referring you for some counselling for this.

Also, have a look at the Depression Learning Path if you haven't already done so.

It sounds like your partner also does have problems controlling his temper and issues around control. Pushing you over and slapping you is still violence and he might benefit from some help with this.

Have you considered relationship counselling? It seems that there may be issues in your relationship that you would both benefit from resolving. Relate might be able to help with this.

You are definitely not going mad but you are having some problems coping with things right now. Hitting yourself is another sign that you are finding it difficult to cope with your emotions, although as you have discovered it only serves to cause you more guilt.

I would suggest your first step could be to see your doctor for help with the depression. You could also aim to do some form of relaxation daily, using either a relaxation tape or perhaps do yoga or meditation. Exercise is also helpful.

Let us know how you get on.

Briary

hi thanks for your response.
to be honest im scared of going to the doctors as they will probably lock me away for ever the way i am going at the minute. my partner wont let me out on my own at all , i was invited out twice earlier by his siters, one time to go to the local shops and the other time to go round for a girly night but he said i couldnt go. i cant really argue about it as he refuses to watch the kids and walks out. i dont know anyone but his family here so i dont have anyone to actually help. i also have no friends here as i moved here recently to be with him.
when we argue he goes to his family and says stuff about me, he told them i hit him the other week which i admitted to but he tells them all stuff which is untrue.
i do love him but a lot of our time is spent arguing, when i try to stand up to him it mentally drains me. i havent been violent before but he says i am a bad mum etc which hurts as i never leave my kids with no one and always do stuff with them and he says i deserve bad stuff that happened in the past which i told him about as i wanted to be honest but when we argue he brings it all up.
i have said i will go to anger management and have asked him to get help also but he said it is me who needs it not him. sometimes he is honest and admitshe shouldnt act like he does and says i can go out more like to his sisters or the shops but it nevers happens.
sorry for going on but i dont know what to do anymore.
i dont dare talk to the doctor about this as the doctor will probably think im an idiot. i think this is all why im depressed as i felt the same whilst pregnant so dont think its particulary post natal depression just the fact im fed up with it all.
i feel angry as i moved here with my other two children to be with him and have changed there life around totally but if i leave him i dont know what will happen. i dont want to argue with him, i want to enjoy stuff with him but its too hard.
sos should i post on the manically depressed board instead
cheers
cal

hi calypso

Please do go and talk to your doctor. The doctor will not think you are an idiot, and will not lock you up either. You need and you deserve help, and the doctor should be your first port of call.

You are in a new place, you don't know anyone, and you have a difficult relationship to deal with (and not the first one). It's not surprising that you don't feel very happy.

Ask your doctor about counselling, and about anger management, and maybe also about help for domestic violence - there are schemes round the country to help couples who are struggling with being violent with each other - maybe there is one near you.

It often happens that one partner will blame the other and say things like "it's you that needs help", and you can't MAKE him get help. But you can help yourself. And if necessary, you can leave - I know that seems hard, after all the sacrifices you have made, but you do not have to put up with treatment like that.

Meanwhile, keep going to the mothers group, and just begin making friends there. Of course it is stilted at first - that's normal! But gradually you can get to know the other women, and maybe find some who can become good friends!

Let us know how you go!

Kathleen