Crisis, Disability, and Mental Illness

Good Day,

I am a 38 year old obese female who has a learning disability and a neurological disorder which affects my vision and memory periodically. I have 2 university degrees and a college diploma in various disciplines. I am chronically under-employed, however, due mostly to disability descrimination in the workplace. I am self-employed currently as a disability services professional.

My partner is a 47 year old male, who I heavily suspect has a learning disability (memory and executive functioning issues). He is a PHD student at a local university. He has never been employed, except for underemployment in fields unrelated to his schooling. He has chronic health issues as well (Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Erectile Dysfunction issues). I also suspect he is on the Autism spectrum (Asperger's).

Relationship: I have known my partner for 15 years. We had a 9 year gap between two romantic relationships. Our current relationship has been going on for 4.5 years. We are unmarried and do not have children. The reason we have stayed together is a mutual understanding that we have no external, long-term supports. Both of our families have abandoned us.

8 weeks ago, I was the victim of violent crime. Since then, I have had to flee my home. I am now living in a 350 sq ft bachelor pad with my partner.
I am currently seeking housing and employment supports.

My issue is the ongoing mental, emotional, and physically exhaustion I am dealing with, largely due to my partner. He has always had issues with perfectionism, OCD, and low self esteem; however, I am finding our living and relationship issues overwhelming. Since moving in, I have observed in full, the unfortunate reality of his inability to live successfully independently. He is unable to cook a meal, make a bed, or keep to a basic bedtime. He does not have any living family to assist in his care or support.

Since moving in temporarily, I have begun to observe the onset of more and more regressive behavior on his part. Granted, tensions have been high, however, I am noticing a lack of self care, an unwillingness to be taught basic life skills, and risk taking behavior which he routinely defends and rationalizes. I constantly have to explain and legitimize every single decision I make for myself, and his well-being. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.

I am wondering a number of things:

1. Once I am into stable housing again, should I leave this relationship? How do I abandon someone who has no way to survive without help?

2. Why is this person constantly supporting and defending their own failure? He claims he is not suicidal. His actions communicate an unwillingness to invest in his own survival - but when I speak to him, he says he's alive due to my ongoing emotional support.

2. If I do choose to leave him, in the meantime how do I cope? (I literally cannot use the bathroom or shop for food without having to explain why.)

Thank you reading and commenting.