Confidence in my place and role

**Posts:** 2 · by **ElleWoods** » Mon Apr 03, 2017 7:45 am

I'm a registered nurse, into my third year of practice and I was 40 when I graduated from university. During my final placement before completing uni, I was put in a very unpleasant situation with three younger nurses, one of whom was my preceptor. They colluded against me and made a pretty nasty complaint to the nurse manager. The end outcome was a profuse apology from the nurse manager, an offer from my uni to complete my placement elsewhere and warnings for the main culprit nurse - in other words, I was completely vindicated. I was able to complete the placement successfully with glowing reviews from my new preceptor. However, I came away from that experiencing feeling humiliated and devastated and to be honest, its a cloud that still hangs over my practice now.
In my work at the moment, I am being paid a miserable pay compared to what I would receive if I were in the public system. I have asked my boss for a pay review via a very professional email, and almost two weeks later have not heard a peep. I'm a very good nurse and the patients love me, my co-workers come to me for advise and support and I am always training the new staff. However, when I see the slightest hint that I am not getting respect for the work I do (i.e. - my pay request not being acknowledged) I go to pieces (internally) and want to leave the industry altogether. I've realised today that its my need to have validation, having my hard work acknowledged. However, I know that I don't *feel* like a nurse, I don't feel like I belong to the profession and I take very slight as evidence of this. How do I let go of the incident when I was a student? I know that in holding on to this, I have given those three far more power over me than I ever should have, but it rattled me to my core after I had worked so hard to get to where I was.... how do I feel ok about my work and stop giving my power to those who I perceive are not giving me the respect I want (need)? I am fuming over this pay rise issue and seriously contemplating throwing my job in, on 'principle' lol. I love the work I do, I love my patients, I have great co-workers, but I have a racist boss who openly discriminates against staff who are not from the same ethnic background as her (or all her family and friends that she has hired, but thats another story), hence the lack of response re: my pay review. I am certain that it will either be knocked back or it will be a token bs amount that will make me want to quit on the spot over the insult.
I wrote a 'goals' list for the 1 month / 3 months / 6 months and this has helped me refocus in the past, but its not working this time.
How do I stop putting my feeling of worth in other people's hands? This only happens at work, btw. I have an excellent marriage, great kids and healthy respectful friendships otherwise

**Posts:** 2 · by **Lu1111** » Mon Jun 05, 2017 5:01 pm

Sorry to hear you had a difficult experience in your last placement of Nurse training and are disheartened with the pay in your current role. I can relate to your experience as when I was in my last placement of professional practice training I also had difficult people to deal with, and I was also placed elsewhere and those involved were taken to a formal review. I wonder as it is so close to completing the training / degree/ qualification in both cases that it may involve people trying to jeopardise what you are about to achieve and possibly some jealousy on their part. You musn't let these people bring you down, there will always be difficult people to deal with and I think as a student when not yet qualified and in a more vulnerable and less powerful position you can encounter this. Do not let these people win. At least it was sorted out in your favour.

With regard to your new job. It's probably all about budgets. You say you do not work in the NHS ( who have a pay structure with increments applied automatically) so presume you are in the private sector. I would not take that personally although I know you do not feel valued as a result. If they really thought they were going to lose you they may think twice about this. Sad but sometimes we have to stand up to this unfair treatment. It is all about saving money and not about you but what they can get away with paying someone they will. You could call a meeting to discuss it and calmly state your case that you would have no option to consider leaving as the pay does not reflect your experience or what your feel your job description and responsibilities warrant. You want to feel you are developing. You could ask what you would need to do to develop further to warrant a pay rise.

Confidence in my place and role

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