How do you comfort someone?

This may help you to understand where they are coming from! a little long but it makes great sense: If anyone is struggerling to support someone and feels like they are getting know where this may help to understand them a little better......

HAPPY READING
I have feelings just like you, i sense your fright? and your fear enhances mine. I know you feel insecure; you don't know what to say or what to do. But please believe me; if you care you can't go wrong, just admit you care. Dont run-away..... wait....wait... all i want to know is that there will be someone to hold my hand when i need it. I'm afraid; i've never experienced this feeling before its new to me. You may not see me as unique, but I've never felt like this before and once is pretty unique. I have lots i wish we could talk about; it really would not take much of your time.
Don't be fooled by me, don't be fooled by the face i wear, for i wear a thousand mask, mask that im afraid to take off, i pretend, give the impression that im secure unruffled, confident, well dont be fooled beneath this dwells the real me, confused, fear, lonely. But i hide this; I dont want anyone to know. My only salvation, and i know it and that is to be accepted, followed by love. It is the only thing which will assure me of what i cant assure myself. I'm afraid that you will think less of me and you will laugh at me and that really hurts. I'm afraid that deep down im nothing, that im no good and that you will see this and reject me. So i play my game, my despair game. You got to hold out your hand, even when that is the last thing that i seem to want. Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand, my heart begins to grow wings very small feeble wings, but wings. I want you to know how important you are to me how ypou alone can break down my mask. Do not pass me by. Please do not; it will not be easy for you. A long convictions of worthlessness builds strong walls. The more closely you approach me the more blindly i strike back, but i am told love is stronger than walls and in this lies hope!!!!!!!

Hi nameme,

It is never easy thinking about how you can support someone, but as woody so beautifully expressed - just be you and if it means saying this is really hard for me to know how you feel - that in itself will give your friend permission to be real. Support might be listening to someone talk and giving them the time, to be sad, honest, confused - just let them be how they want to be. Offering advice or trying to make someone feel better can backfire, but if you listen they will grow to know that with you they feel safe enough to be real about how they are.

As someone who has supported and been supported the people that have helped me where the ones who let me just share what was going on for me!

You sound like a very thoughtful supporter, know that there is an army of people in this forum to support you,

emmad

Sometimes it has nothing to do with the words you say to someone, but its how you feel. If you are really in tune with them, feeling what they feel or at least empathising totally with their feelings. The other person will connect with this.

You can say all the right comforting words and get them off pat, but if you didnt 'feel' your words the other person probably would pick that up too.

I was with a relative fairly recently who was devastated over some recent sad events. I just put my arms around her as it felt appropriate and few words were spoken, but I know she felt the support and love that I was feeling for her. She told me this morning in an email that I had helped her "more than I know!" which was good feedback.

I suppose I am saying be yourself and 'feel' where they are coming from, but above all be sincere

nameme wrote:What words can I say to comfort someone?

What each person finds comforting is different. Some people want to be listened to, others advised, others touched, others smiled at.... etc.

The best way to find out how to comfort someone is to ask them.

^my answer to that would be something like "let me put my head on your lap while you stroke my head softly and sing me my favourite bjork song.

As this is not possible in most cases, it still brings some depressive humour to the table which might help you both feel at ease.

I find not being overly sympathetic with a friend in need helps- they are coming to you for advice and may get frustrated if you just whine at them and say AWWW a lot.

If you're crap at giving advice mention it but say you'd like to listen, then do something fun together afterwards.

Juicy Couture belts 2008 - Designer swimsuits from Juicy Couture belts Click on any photo below to see more belts styles from that group.
We Offer 2,500+ Charms. Explore juicy couture belts.

Thanks Woody, your words have really been helpful to me. I am in the process of dealing with my partner, who finds it very diffictul to show his true feelings. this has confirmed to me that I am on the right track.

Normally I will run away as I have found many of the people around me only want someone to relate to. I will attempt to put myself into their shoes then make a hypothetical solution to the problem. I've noticed that in lending a helpful hand, my assistance normally begins with the following statement: "Well, what I would do is..." Other than that, I can only walk away and hope I have planted a seed.

Depends on the person and on the circumstances, I think...

My husband likes 'physical' comfort.... I couldn't understand how, on the day his mum passed away, he was comforted by sex...

When my baby died,,,, no words could comfort me.... being held was what I needed... if he had come near me for sex, I'd have clobbered him...

I've never seen anyone with as much of the common touch than Gerry Robinson did you see - its a magically journey of connecting with people at the base level. Gerry shows why he has such good EI becuase he's not pandering to people - he's understanding and enabling people