I lost it

Hi

You deserve happiness just because you exist, only you can prove that to yourself by redeeming yourself in your eyes, you start again in this moment being a good person, helping, giving, supporting, praising, blessing, complimenting, forgiving anybody and everybody that you meet.

Hello, I suggest you look into meditation. It brings you down back to the state of calmness. The main key of meditation is "not thinking" meaning you do the polar opposite of what every human does i.e think.

This isn't a joke nor is it a hipster thing of any kind, a lot of people meditate and in the end they feel more calmer, more energetic, and most of all more decisive meaning you won't get stressed out when you have a dilemma on your hands. It barely takes 5 minutes of your time, all you need is a quiet place(if you don't have one then turn on a steady noise like the ceiling or a pedestal fan or you can even put on rain sounds off YouTube) and a cushion to sit on. Look up "how to meditate - beginners introduction to Zazen" YouTube. You have to do it twice a day once in the morning after you wake up and once right before you go to bed, in the beginning even 2 minutes will seem like forever but once you open your eyes after those 2 minutes you will realise that something magical is happening to you, you are so relaxed that you can barely keep your eyes open. It's amazing and it should be a part of your everyday routine.


Also I strongly suggest you to either buy or get this book from the library, it's not really a sit down to read book it just has 101 different methods to calm yourself down and become stress free by following simple techniques everyday which are elaborated beautifully in bullet points. So no paragraphs or anything just bullet points on every page telling you a well explained way. The name is "recharge in minutes" by Suzanne Zoglio.

As for worrying about what has already happened, it will give you nothing to learn about if you keep beating a dead horse. So I recommend forgetting the past, and making a list of things you would like to change about yourself. Write that list on a notepad and then come up with ways to fix them, that is the only way to repair this issue. You will get nothing worrying about what you have already done, life is about what you can do. So always keep your mind open, also another step getting closer to controlling your anger would be learning to control your desires. And to practice that you can do anything like not buying those delicious looking cupcakes at the store, or not eating chocolates even when you feel like you'll die without them, or instead of watching that movie you love, you can read a book, so I hope you're getting my point. This will strengthen your will power, and that little girl inside of you who wants to stay calm when you're angry will eventually stand up with confidence and say "NO!" "You know what, I have had enough of your careless emotional actions which are ruining your relationships with people you love! So today don't be mad at him, forgive him.. Otherwise something horrible might happen and we don't want that".. You know that logical/rational self of you will start talking in your mind controlling you more and more and eventually your emotional self will fade.

Another thing, start writing your responsibilities and tasks before starting your day, write down your thoughts too, especially when you are beginning to get stressed out or beginning to feel angry or suspicious write down your thoughts exactly as you feel like in your head. What this does is that it transfers the boiling cocktail of emotions in your mind to ink on a paper, once that's done now you don't need to think about it anymore. So make a journal. My journal has everything from suicidal thoughts from the time I was depressed to gruesome details on exactly how I want to murder someone from the time I was angry one time. Once they are out of your mind you don't look back trust me, it helps so much.

Also, do a personality test on this site called "humanmetrics" (search up personality test on Google and their site will pop up) and then read about your personality type on this site called "16personalities"(again search on Google since I can't post any links due to me being new here)

Doing that will do the most important thing of all, and that's to learn more about yourself. Trust me, I used to be depressed for months for so long, and then I remembered about my personality type, I took the test again and read about it. To this day I haven't been anywhere near sad, I am always satisfied with what I do because now I know what things are for me and what aren't. After reading about that, from now on keep your eyes open to the world around you, the more engaged you are into fun activities the lesser stress you will have and the more control you will have over anger.

Lastly, exercise! You need to use up all that extra energy which comes out through anger, you need to divert all that energy into something. And that's working out, it has countless benefits for your mind alone. It will make you stress free and happier, it will make life more enjoyable for you. I can go on about the great things it does but nothing will persuade you to exercise until you try it. Trust me, the only reason why people(who are already fit) go to the gym everyday is because they are addicted to that pumping feeling of lifting weights, and exercising.

All in all you have it power to control yourself but you are unable to because that energy is boiling up inside of you waiting to get released, give it a trigger and it will pour itself out in the form of violence, insults, and possibly passive aggressive mischief. So meditation to straighten your train of thought, and working out to release that energy which gets created inside of you everyday should take care of the anger problem.

Keep us posted on how things are working out, I hope you stay strong and make it through this little bump in life. Also watch the movie "pursuit of happyness" starring Will Smith if you wanna see true courage and perseverance, something you need to overcome this obstacle in life and to prove that you can do anything even if the situation makes it seem like the whole world is leaning on your shoulders.

Take care,
Mateen