I am new to this forum but thought it a good idea to sign up and share what for me has been a terrible time of late.
I have suffered from depression for a number of years. I am 26 now and have been aware of my depression since the age of 16. It all started out back at school when i was involved in heavy cannabis use.
I started smoking it at the age of 16 and then gave it up at the age of 20 when I went off to university to study for my degree in graphic design.
I have subsequently completed my degree in 2004 and have spent the last 4 years stumbling from one catastrophie to the next.
I am unable to hold down a job and have had several jobs for short periods of time and one which led to what i can only describe as some kind of breakdown. Since leaving that last job I have being trying to pursue a freelance career which isnt even providing me with anywhere near enough income to support myself.
I have developed some quite serious social problems, I drink heavily, Im on anti-depressents and I am gradually withdrawing from all social contact. I have iregular sleep patterns and most days i will rise albiet reluctantly at mid-day.
I feel though now that I have reached a real crisis point and that I will need to take action if i am to have any chance of leading a normal life. Up until 3 months ago I had been living with my partner of 4 years who was supporting me finacially as well as emotionally.
The relationship broke down over time and she was no longer able to cope with my sporadic income, perculiar social habits and continous drinking. It is worth my saying that this girl was one-in a million. Very attractive, down to earth, kind and compassionate of others.
Whats has sparked this turning point was me finding out that she has started to see other people and has in fact been having casual sex with someone she encountered in a nightclub. And all this has been going on in the flat that we used to share togther and th one i had to move out of after our split.
I am utterly devastated to such and extent that the pain is almost palpable. I havent slept since hearing the news and have been drinking during the day to obliterate my feelings. I feel phisically sick imagining her having sex with someone else so soon after our split. The images have been plaguing me day and night on like a repetitive loop and it has been driving me to desperation. So much so that i am considering going to flat and assulting whoever it is that has been sharing a bed with her.
This is destroying my life, the drink the unhappiness the lack of any structure in my life. I feel so desperately sad.
I had attended an interview ebfore hearing the news in an attempt to go back into employment but was truned down on account of having been drunk whilst there.
Does anyone have any tips from recovering from broken relationships and getting over the pain felt from seeing your partner pursuing other sex partners.
thanks for listening...
Pain and sadness
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by lp_ultra » Tue Nov 25, 2008 4:17 pm
Hello,
I think that you will find some decent advice on this forum.
Personally, I would like to start by saying that I can fully relate to what you're going through. I was also heavily into cannabis and like you, subsequently had a breakdown and anti-depressants were the only option to get me through the day. I also resorted to alcohol as a recreational replacement for cannabis.
I can understand that you feel as though you cannot cope without anti-depressants or alcohol in order to relinquish the depression and anxiety that you're experiencing as a result of you past experiences. However, I do believe that anti-depressants along with alcohol will exacerbate the situation. You're simply messing around with your brain chemistry and this will do you no favours.
If I can briefly explain that I was on various SSRI anti-depressant medications for almost eight years (2000 - 2008). I am now free of all medications (as well as being tee-total) and this requires a great deal of tenacity. I do experience tremendously difficult days as I still suffer from elements of OCD, Anxiety and Depression but I feel as though I'm strong enough to cope with them myself.
Life is exceptionally difficult, there are lots of depressed / anxious people who have experienced much worse than you and I (without any medication) and simply try to deal with it emotionally. Try your best to quit drinking alcohol because at the end of the day, this is an addictive and destructive drug and you're simply abusing it to make yourself feel better.
Do you have the option of moving back in with your parents or any other relative? Forget about career for now, get your health back together and try to stop taking alcohol and all other drugs (including anti-depressants). Practice regular exercise and consume an extremely healthy diet. All of this is easier said than done because it took me eight years to get to this stage (I'm now 27 years of age).
Good luck and take care.
I think that you will find some decent advice on this forum.
Personally, I would like to start by saying that I can fully relate to what you're going through. I was also heavily into cannabis and like you, subsequently had a breakdown and anti-depressants were the only option to get me through the day. I also resorted to alcohol as a recreational replacement for cannabis.
I can understand that you feel as though you cannot cope without anti-depressants or alcohol in order to relinquish the depression and anxiety that you're experiencing as a result of you past experiences. However, I do believe that anti-depressants along with alcohol will exacerbate the situation. You're simply messing around with your brain chemistry and this will do you no favours.
If I can briefly explain that I was on various SSRI anti-depressant medications for almost eight years (2000 - 2008). I am now free of all medications (as well as being tee-total) and this requires a great deal of tenacity. I do experience tremendously difficult days as I still suffer from elements of OCD, Anxiety and Depression but I feel as though I'm strong enough to cope with them myself.
Life is exceptionally difficult, there are lots of depressed / anxious people who have experienced much worse than you and I (without any medication) and simply try to deal with it emotionally. Try your best to quit drinking alcohol because at the end of the day, this is an addictive and destructive drug and you're simply abusing it to make yourself feel better.
Do you have the option of moving back in with your parents or any other relative? Forget about career for now, get your health back together and try to stop taking alcohol and all other drugs (including anti-depressants). Practice regular exercise and consume an extremely healthy diet. All of this is easier said than done because it took me eight years to get to this stage (I'm now 27 years of age).
Good luck and take care.
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by CarCrash » Tue Nov 25, 2008 9:24 pm
Thanks for taking the time to respond and give me a detailed reply.
I do actually take some comfort in what you have said.
I thinking giving up drink might need to be the route i will have to take as i seem unable to keep it to sensible limits, its either an all-night session or nothing at all.
Plus im not sure how the antidperessent react with alchohol because i have been on them for so long but i have started to notice that im getting increasingly violent episodes whilst out on the beers.
I feel bad that you have had to go through what i have experience with the cannabis use as i know how upsetting and regrettful it can be.
I think the thing is with me I have alot of socail difficulties and I am having to drink to go out, which isnt helping me to improve the matter.
I am living back at home with my parents now, I just dont want to get too comfortable. That is why i feel i must conquer my work issue so that i can regain some indepence and start to live for myslef.
Hopefully in time the wounds will start to heal from the whole girlfriend epsiode, she is due to move home to her hometown of sweden which will help me to move on i think
I do actually take some comfort in what you have said.
I thinking giving up drink might need to be the route i will have to take as i seem unable to keep it to sensible limits, its either an all-night session or nothing at all.
Plus im not sure how the antidperessent react with alchohol because i have been on them for so long but i have started to notice that im getting increasingly violent episodes whilst out on the beers.
I feel bad that you have had to go through what i have experience with the cannabis use as i know how upsetting and regrettful it can be.
I think the thing is with me I have alot of socail difficulties and I am having to drink to go out, which isnt helping me to improve the matter.
I am living back at home with my parents now, I just dont want to get too comfortable. That is why i feel i must conquer my work issue so that i can regain some indepence and start to live for myslef.
Hopefully in time the wounds will start to heal from the whole girlfriend epsiode, she is due to move home to her hometown of sweden which will help me to move on i think
by willia » Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:08 pm
I would say the drugs and drinks are the "on the surface" sources of your problems - from not being able to hold down a job to your ex's frustration, causing her to leave. We are about the same age, and I don't have a degree, yet I have been able to stay on a job that at least sustains me for over 2 years now.
But then there's the deeper source.
is it depression? I don't know, but something pushes people to this point, and although I have done very well avoiding such things despite my seemingly life long misery, I am not quick to blame one's level of will power for succumbing to drugs and drinks. Perhaps you should consider getting some professional help with this.
I would say let go of the girl. Clean yourself up, either out of your own strength or with the help of another/others. THEN you will have the job, you will have a girl, and you will have less misery to contend with.
But then there's the deeper source.
is it depression? I don't know, but something pushes people to this point, and although I have done very well avoiding such things despite my seemingly life long misery, I am not quick to blame one's level of will power for succumbing to drugs and drinks. Perhaps you should consider getting some professional help with this.
I would say let go of the girl. Clean yourself up, either out of your own strength or with the help of another/others. THEN you will have the job, you will have a girl, and you will have less misery to contend with.
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by Triarius » Tue Nov 25, 2008 11:50 pm
well dang, I would have thought my blunt points would have been obviously helpful... guess not.
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by CarCrash » Wed Nov 26, 2008 12:45 am
seta37 wrote:well dang, I would have thought my blunt points would have been obviously helpful... guess not.
There was some truth in what you said and i take that on board but it did seem somehwhat insensitive the way you phrased it.
Thanks for taking the time to comment though
by satanstoystore » Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:02 am
CarCrash wrote:she is due to move...which will help me to move on i think
What does that, drinking, and cannabis have in common?
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by jurplesman » Wed Nov 26, 2008 4:24 am
Hi CarCrash,
From a psychonutritional point of view I recommend that you FIRST address your depression and your drinking and then address the psychological issues relating to the way you relate to people. The drinking is simply self-medication in response to the depression and is a separate issue from your GF leaving you.
You can treat yourself if you familiarize with the nutritional/biochemical aspect of mood disorders by reading articles on this subject.
Please read:
Why alcoholics drink?
Alcoholism is a Treatable Disease
Depression is a Nutritional Disorder
Depression is a Disease of Energy Production
Treatment may take some time, but when you start to feel better over time I strongly suggest that you study:
Summary of the Self-help Psychotherapy Course
as a means of reconstructing your personality. It will change your self-image, teach you the basics of social skills, helps you to analyze and understand other people and also CHOOSE the right person as your partner as well as choosing a satisfying career. It should be obvious to you that this cannot be done overnight and that considerable efforts on your part will be required.
From a psychonutritional point of view I recommend that you FIRST address your depression and your drinking and then address the psychological issues relating to the way you relate to people. The drinking is simply self-medication in response to the depression and is a separate issue from your GF leaving you.
You can treat yourself if you familiarize with the nutritional/biochemical aspect of mood disorders by reading articles on this subject.
Please read:
Why alcoholics drink?
Alcoholism is a Treatable Disease
Depression is a Nutritional Disorder
Depression is a Disease of Energy Production
Treatment may take some time, but when you start to feel better over time I strongly suggest that you study:
Summary of the Self-help Psychotherapy Course
as a means of reconstructing your personality. It will change your self-image, teach you the basics of social skills, helps you to analyze and understand other people and also CHOOSE the right person as your partner as well as choosing a satisfying career. It should be obvious to you that this cannot be done overnight and that considerable efforts on your part will be required.
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by CarCrash » Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:04 pm
satanstoystore wrote:CarCrash wrote:she is due to move...which will help me to move on i think
What does that, drinking, and cannabis have in common?
Is that a geniune question?
I dont really know what your getting at?, do you have an insight that im not aware of
by CarCrash » Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:18 pm
jurplesman wrote:Hi CarCrash,
From a psychonutritional point of view I recommend that you FIRST address your depression and your drinking and then address the psychological issues relating to the way you relate to people. The drinking is simply self-medication in response to the depression and is a separate issue from your GF leaving you.
You can treat yourself if you familiarize with the nutritional/biochemical aspect of mood disorders by reading articles on this subject.
Please read:
as a means of reconstructing your personality. It will change your self-image, teach you the basics of social skills, helps you to analyze and understand other people and also CHOOSE the right person as your partner as well as choosing a satisfying career. It should be obvious to you that this cannot be done overnight and that considerable efforts on your part will be required.
Thanks for this.
Once I have picked myself up from this latest upset I will work on improving my diet. My ex partner was an advocate of the GI diet which isnt disimilar to the principles behind your thinking. I did do that for sometime and i think it was of benefit to me, but as with everything it requires discipline to keep it up.
I have also had some councilling in the past and they have picked up on the fact that i have a low self image and destructive tendencies.
As an aside you website although very informative is very difficul to read. There is very long uninterupted stretches of text which are a bit fatiguing to read.
I come from a web design background so if you need help with that let me know.
by CarCrash » Sat Nov 29, 2008 9:39 pm
Update*
Things recently took a turn for the worse.
On friday I went over to my sisters house to spend the evening with her and her partner in an attempt to get out and socialise.
We spent some of the night watching tv and i found that i could get nothing in the way of enjoyment or consilation by sitting there.
Instead the whole while i kept obssesing about my ex girlfriend and the guy she has been seeing. Eventually i caved in and decided to drive to town and basically let myself into the flat (I still have keys).
So I had a few beers in town and then proceeded to let myself in to the flat, she went nuts and told me to get out and i said i wouldnt leave unless I was forceably removed and that i would be staying for several hours to make sure this guy didnt come over. She eventually excepted that I wasnt going anywhere but dissapeared of to the bathroom with her phone in her pocket despite having already gotten washed and been to the toilet about 5 minutes earlier.
This aroused suspision in me as It was obvious she was trying to hide something from me which I later found out she was (She admitted to deleting his texts from the phone) She then basically locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out, protesting that she would call the police. anyway i stayed in her room forabout another couple of hours got bored and left.
The preamble to this is that she had promised that whilever she was living in my hometown (she planned to moveback to her country sweden very soon) that she would not see anyone and that she understood that this was important me.
I know feel furious and boiling with rage that she has lied to me and essentially gone back on her word. I now feel extremely paranoid wondering who this guy might be and whther i know him. In a way it was lucky that he wasnt there because i was ready to smash him to bits and get arrested for it.
Now I know this behaviour is not normal and will not win me much affection with the members of this forum, but i feel that it is beneficial for me to write down my feelings in an attempt to get it out of my system.
I have few freinds and living at home with my parents and i also dont work a full time job. Which means essentially that I have got alot of time on my hands to think about this stuff and convince myself to do bad things. I wish I was strong enough to move on but i hurt so deep it just seems impossible to erase it from my mind.
I watched the film eternal sunshine recently. what a beautiful film if only the relationship erasing trick actually existed!!! I would be first in que
Things recently took a turn for the worse.
On friday I went over to my sisters house to spend the evening with her and her partner in an attempt to get out and socialise.
We spent some of the night watching tv and i found that i could get nothing in the way of enjoyment or consilation by sitting there.
Instead the whole while i kept obssesing about my ex girlfriend and the guy she has been seeing. Eventually i caved in and decided to drive to town and basically let myself into the flat (I still have keys).
So I had a few beers in town and then proceeded to let myself in to the flat, she went nuts and told me to get out and i said i wouldnt leave unless I was forceably removed and that i would be staying for several hours to make sure this guy didnt come over. She eventually excepted that I wasnt going anywhere but dissapeared of to the bathroom with her phone in her pocket despite having already gotten washed and been to the toilet about 5 minutes earlier.
This aroused suspision in me as It was obvious she was trying to hide something from me which I later found out she was (She admitted to deleting his texts from the phone) She then basically locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out, protesting that she would call the police. anyway i stayed in her room forabout another couple of hours got bored and left.
The preamble to this is that she had promised that whilever she was living in my hometown (she planned to moveback to her country sweden very soon) that she would not see anyone and that she understood that this was important me.
I know feel furious and boiling with rage that she has lied to me and essentially gone back on her word. I now feel extremely paranoid wondering who this guy might be and whther i know him. In a way it was lucky that he wasnt there because i was ready to smash him to bits and get arrested for it.
Now I know this behaviour is not normal and will not win me much affection with the members of this forum, but i feel that it is beneficial for me to write down my feelings in an attempt to get it out of my system.
I have few freinds and living at home with my parents and i also dont work a full time job. Which means essentially that I have got alot of time on my hands to think about this stuff and convince myself to do bad things. I wish I was strong enough to move on but i hurt so deep it just seems impossible to erase it from my mind.
I watched the film eternal sunshine recently. what a beautiful film if only the relationship erasing trick actually existed!!! I would be first in que
by CarCrash » Tue Dec 02, 2008 11:35 am
I have decided that I am going to use this thread as a diary of sorts to keep track of progress that I am making and highlight any areas that I seem to be having difficulties with.
Since Incident of friday night I have met up with my ex for a second time, I was determined to keep a lid on my anger this time and came to the realisation that I would get more from the meeting if I wasn't being aggressive.
She requested the key back which i refused, subsequently she called my mother and explained that i had been behaving threateningly and that she wanted the key back. I have hidden the key now because although I have no intention of visiting the flat again I want her to feel that their is still the potential of that happening. I still feel very hurt and offended that she has moved on from me so quickly and i dont want her to pursue casual relationships until she has left for her home in sweden.
Aside from this the meeting actually went reasonably well, I tried to rationalise my feelings to her and make her understand that I am not out to upset or hurt her but that she should respect my feelings and not totally disregard what i am saying. we were both perfectly civil to each other and i was pleased that it hadnt decended to squablling and bitter remarks.
I have also now deleted her number from my phone in an attempt to make it more difficult for me to contact her again. I think I need to be strong from now on and refrain from contacting her in an attempt to move on. I still have feelings for her and keep thinking back to the good times but the upsetting images of her with other men are not as frequent and dont persist as long. I think my feeling have now transformed from anger to a kind of bereavement of loss.
In my own life I am tring to make afew positive changes, I have started to do weights every evening which I think will help to improve my self image and lift my confidence. Whilst im not fat I am carrying more weight than I would like and toning up will make me feel good about myself and the clothes that i am wearing.
I still think i have alot to address but at least i am making small steps towards getting myself back together. I have also tried to cut right back on my drinking restricting it to weekends only. And when I do drink trying to stay in control and limit the amount I consume in one evening. I know this will be hard as i always tend to slip back into bad drinking habits but this time i am going to have to try and fight it.
Socially things are still very much the way they were before. I spend a bit of time with my sister and her fiance. I enjoy their company and appreciate my sisters support. Although I still think I need to be doing much more as I am severly limiting myself by withdrawing the way i have. I have resolved that after christmas i am going to try and get back into employment, and that i will have to accept that i could be doing something that isnt exactly what i enjoy. I think this will help me feel part of something larger and give me more money so that i can treat myself and enjoy new experiences and meet new people.
Ok thats all for now.
Over and Out
Since Incident of friday night I have met up with my ex for a second time, I was determined to keep a lid on my anger this time and came to the realisation that I would get more from the meeting if I wasn't being aggressive.
She requested the key back which i refused, subsequently she called my mother and explained that i had been behaving threateningly and that she wanted the key back. I have hidden the key now because although I have no intention of visiting the flat again I want her to feel that their is still the potential of that happening. I still feel very hurt and offended that she has moved on from me so quickly and i dont want her to pursue casual relationships until she has left for her home in sweden.
Aside from this the meeting actually went reasonably well, I tried to rationalise my feelings to her and make her understand that I am not out to upset or hurt her but that she should respect my feelings and not totally disregard what i am saying. we were both perfectly civil to each other and i was pleased that it hadnt decended to squablling and bitter remarks.
I have also now deleted her number from my phone in an attempt to make it more difficult for me to contact her again. I think I need to be strong from now on and refrain from contacting her in an attempt to move on. I still have feelings for her and keep thinking back to the good times but the upsetting images of her with other men are not as frequent and dont persist as long. I think my feeling have now transformed from anger to a kind of bereavement of loss.
In my own life I am tring to make afew positive changes, I have started to do weights every evening which I think will help to improve my self image and lift my confidence. Whilst im not fat I am carrying more weight than I would like and toning up will make me feel good about myself and the clothes that i am wearing.
I still think i have alot to address but at least i am making small steps towards getting myself back together. I have also tried to cut right back on my drinking restricting it to weekends only. And when I do drink trying to stay in control and limit the amount I consume in one evening. I know this will be hard as i always tend to slip back into bad drinking habits but this time i am going to have to try and fight it.
Socially things are still very much the way they were before. I spend a bit of time with my sister and her fiance. I enjoy their company and appreciate my sisters support. Although I still think I need to be doing much more as I am severly limiting myself by withdrawing the way i have. I have resolved that after christmas i am going to try and get back into employment, and that i will have to accept that i could be doing something that isnt exactly what i enjoy. I think this will help me feel part of something larger and give me more money so that i can treat myself and enjoy new experiences and meet new people.
Ok thats all for now.
Over and Out
12 posts
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