Talking about Psychology, NLP, etc. in public.

**Posts:** 10 · by **Treshan** » Sun Jan 18, 2004 10:07 pm

Hello everybody! This is my first post on this forum, and I hope that I'll be able to express my ideas correctly. Also the topic may seem a bit strange, but maybe that's a defect of my own personality.

I am a 17-year old boy living in Italy and I always want to share my knowledge with other people, I want to talk, etc.
I've read some articles and some guides about Neurolinguistic Programmation, and, after having read that many "feeling", "emotions" and "thoughts" are actually only chemical reactions which can be discovered(I think this is a fact and not something to discuss upon) and after having read about psychological manipulation, etc. (I'm not writing all the details), I came to the obvious conclusion that these manipulative acts can be also used for negative reasons. Infact, if we talk about self-confidence and charisma, Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini were true leaders in such sector.
I am truly interested in finding out the [chemical] background of eloquence and generally communication (especially what's behind what all of us call "love").

As I said before, I like to "share my knowledges" and I often read a lot and talk about the things I discover in my daily life. I simply talk about such things with everybody, but what I don't like is that thereby some people start seeing me as a person who lives with books, a "know-everything", a nerd, or even a person who wants to show off. I think you get my point.
The day I talked in my classroom about some facts that humans are easily manipulable through simple chemical ways (olfactory, images) and also through eloquence and NLP, I gained the respect of the teacher but also looked like a fool in front of my classmates.
I understand that a "normal" 17-year old boy doesn't go and read so many things but this is simply my personality, I am curious and I also like to explain in a scientific way.

The critical part is that I fear of being sometimes put under pressure by the reactions of my classmates when I talk "too complicated stuff". The really eloquent guys continue joking about the words I use when I speak about the things I've read... and the bad thing is that THEY are the people who have influence on others. I hope you see my problem.
I truly lose my confidence sometimes when my good friends are "influenced" by the people who joke about me and my "discoveries" and they, too, start doing the same.
Now, as I'm here and writing what happens in school it's easy, but when I'm there in the precise moment, it's difficult to control my OWN feelings [although I learned a lot about what's behind] and to convince the others that the things I say are not nonsense. Yes, and sometimes I also feel that I'm wrong...

In a few words... after such experiences I feel uncomfortable speaking about things the others don't know.

I would truly appreciate your advice. I would like to look smart among my friends but not a person who shows off and "talks like a book" (that's what I lately consider myself).

Please help

**Posts:** 18 · by **Transtrat** » Thu Jan 22, 2004 2:28 am

This is a great topic.

I teach people to manage emotions of the number one fear using hypnosis, NLP and EFT. The subject really interests me as I love helping someone who simply can't stand up and talk, helping them to manage their emotion quickly and easily.

It was interesting to note that some of the thread suggested using NLP for manipulation. Obviously it can be in the same way that you can use your car to take the kids to school or use it to run someone over. Whether it is manipulation or not is decided in your own mind.

Good luck and if I can be of any further help so drop me a line.

Ian

**Posts:** 10 · by **Treshan** » Mon Jan 26, 2004 9:25 am

Thanks for replying.

As you said, yes, NLP can be used for either "good" or"bad".

But obviously my question is: isn't the "manipulative" person who uses NLP or anything similar for "bad" reasons "psychologically wrong", just like the person (in your example) who uses the car to run somebody over?

And similar cases: a person uses NLP to seduce a girl, and through eloquence he is also able to convince her of things that aren't true (e.g. giving her an exageratedly positive impression of him), discovering her psychological weak points, thereby managing to "trick" her.

I know that my point is getting closer to what is ethically/morally correct, but my question is: is it absolutely necessary, to "ruin the plans" of the manipulative person, to use his own "weapons" (NLP), or just be honest and talk about all the processes that happened?
The second case is almost impossible (to my experience) since I've only been laughed at when I talked about, e.g. the exact things that biologically happen when someone smokes or drinks too much.
(Or, to my experience, they pretended to be convinced.). :roll:

What do you all usually do in such cases?

**Posts:** 285 · by **Lyndsay Swinton** » Tue Jan 27, 2004 10:12 am

Hi Treshan,

Welcome to the forum! I think you will find the outlet for your need to talk about eloquence, chemical reactions and other curious subjects, here in the forum, so here's to a happy posting future.

In a few words... after such experiences I feel uncomfortable speaking about things the others don't know.

There are many questions in your original post, and one theme I have picked up is on being made fun of when you talk about subjects that interest you.

I simply talk about such things with everybody

I think this may be a clue to what's not working. One of the basic human needs is to give and receive attention Basic Human Needs It may be that your need to talk about the subjects is overwhelming your discretion about who you share this with.

When two people have a conversation that works, they generally have a common interest or some kind of shared ground. They quickly adapt their verbal and non verbal communication such that they are in rapport with each other. Each of these people will feel the emotional (and therefore chemical) benefit of this conversation. If there are mis-matches in either the verbal or non verbal communication the conversation does not work so well.

If the mis-matches are small, and the people have some skill in conversation, then these can be overcome. If the mis-matches are too big, the other person will actively break rapport with you and try to get away using whatever means possible as this conversation is making them feel too bad.

This will include laughing inappropriately, moving their body away, being rude and other verbal and non verbal signals to you to get out of their face! This is not good for either person!

So, be clear about what needs are being met before you strike up a conversation. Do you want a discussion or do you simply need some attention? Being clear will make things a lot simpler!

I hope this helps and gives a different perspective. I look forward to seeing your future posts!

Lyndsay

**Posts:** 10 · by **Treshan** » Tue Jan 27, 2004 1:39 pm

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks

I think this may be a clue to what's not working. One of the basic human needs is to give and receive attention...

I do not discuss much about communication science/psychology except during the lesson, when we're talking about something similar (e.g. commercial advertisements effect on mind, etc.).

What I do is more or less trying to give a scientific explanation to everything. I know that it sounds stupid, but nevertheless it's the truth. For example, two of my friends start argueing about something and I'm always trying to see what happens in them at a chemical level. And very often I also express my thoughts/theories in words.

I also understand that at some points it can be not welcome, irritating.
Yesterday a girl was talking about her quite - how she calls it - "boyish" personality, telling things like "I don't care about one or two more dead people in this world". [we were talking about the numerous death scenes in The Return of the King and that's how we came to the argument].
At that point my memory recalled the fact that altruism, etc. are feelings connected to the frontal cortex. What I automatically told was:"Maybe through all your experiences your frontal cortex has become less active. And also the fact that you are a bit boyish is probably linked to the fact that, etc. etc.".
I told it as if it was the most simple thing a person could say during such a conversation. A few seconds later I realized that that could have maybe hurt the person with whom we were talking, but she continued talking abou the Lord of the Rings, ignoring what I said, giving me the impression that she was indeed confirming what I said (ignoring what "others" think) or that what I said was nonsense.

Meanwhile I've realized that it's indeed impossible to scientifically comment certain things without being invading... at least the way I do it. But I still would like to find a way to do it correctly, without looking like a fool or hurting someone. And it's not only for discussions, but also in general talking, without deviating from the topic (so may result useless to think about what needs have to be met and start a new conversation). Whenever it's not possible, I won't do it and keep my comments for myself, talking about them only when it's necessary to solve a problem, etc.

But then we enter again the circle: what if, because of his/her psychology, we cannot consider the presupposition that there is indeed a problem in his/her behaviour?
The best example for these are transgenders, "homosexuals", etc.
How can they accept the fact that [most of them] are like that because of scientific reasons [problems], that they are NOT like that because "every person in this world is free to be what he/she wants" [as many homosexuals say]?

These are the reasons that I would like to always comment on certain human behaviours also during a conversation which is far away from biology etc.

:wink:

**Posts:** 5 · by **Andy B.** » Tue Mar 09, 2004 11:46 am

Treshan

Just a couple of thoughts

Firstly, perhaps you could start by listening rather than talking. Being able to just listen to someone without commenting, judging or trying to solve their problems for them is sometimes the greatest gift you can give - especially to women.

Secondly, IMO, the plain facts are that however much most people may appear to be interested in psychology, etc., most people think they're pretty much OK the way they are. Moreover, many people are convinced that the way they behave IS the way they are. They mistake their behaviour for their identity. So if you start questioning or scrutinising their behaviour you are actually - as they understand it - questioning and scrutinising their very identity.

The other thing I thought I "heard" in your first post was that you are trying to talk to people about psychology and NLP, etc. without first getting their agreement.
Regardless of how well intentioned your comments may be, trying to MAKE people interested in these topics may make it look as though you are trying to be a teacher yourself. Not something most 17 year olds would welcome, I'm guessing.

So what sort of things DO your classmates like to talk about? Maybe if you show that you are interested in what THEY care about, they MAY be more willing to talk about the things you're interested in *sometimes*.

Be well

Andy B.

**Posts:** 111 · by **san** » Thu Jun 03, 2004 8:14 am

i just want to tell u what i do.
first thing i get very quiet, silent.
i become more aware, i feel my body, breathing
and as i *connect* myself with *what is*
then..
or u can say as i fall into the *tune* with the present moment i feel comfortable to talk about anything and my subconcious mind provide *right information/word* automatically,
second thing which is most important is HUMOR
third : there r so many who will not understand u or do not want to understand or not interested *dont bother about them*
as u improve u will understand how to deal with them.
but the most important thing for a good speaker is LISTENING
learn *how to listen without prejudice?*....so the right action or word come sponteniously.

**Posts:** 3 · by **SurveySays** » Thu Sep 30, 2004 10:49 pm

Treshan,

A philosophy I developed after suffering similar circumstances in my teenage years is that the knowledge I have gained is valuable...very valuable...so valuable that I'm not willing to share it with just anyone, especially not with people who don't want to hear it. Your wasting your time on deaf ears!

I took it upon myself never to give an answer to a question that isn't specifically asked of me. This means, don't share your knowledge unless the person you are sharing it with has requested that you do. Once they have given given you a signal that they want to learn more from you, your message will be heard...and people will learn from you.

Treshan, it's obvious to me that you have an intelligent youg mind and are far beyond your years. If you find it difficult to contain yourself and you need to express yourself, I suggest you start writing in an organized fashion where your thougths have the opportunity to turn into a financial reward someday.

One last suggestion...if seriously want to overcome the fear that you have, I suggest picking up used copy of Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People.

There are so many of these books out published in evey different language, I'd be surprised if you didn't find one at a local used bookstore anywhere in the world for under $5.00USD.

Good luck!

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