My life's struggle...

Hello uncommonforum users, I have written up something, that I care day to day more about. My mother language is german, however I tried my best to convey everything as best as I could. I seriously hope someone could give me a tip. I tried to open up to my mother by saying that I have no life goal so what would you do and then she shrugged it off.

Here's the text:

I've been probably not caring for my life at the age of 14, maybe earlier. But at that point I realized I am missing something in life: An future which isn't dark, an goal I can surely reach, fun in life, ...

My school history is rather dark than bright.

Full of holes.
I went in the first grade to a language school. Can't really remember why, but my mother said at some point I couldn't speak at all. Uh well, that's okay, I guess.
At that school there was one person, probably turkish but seriously an foreign person. He bullied behind the back of teachers. And in groups in breaks on a large, bad
controlable playground. I thought I was right by trying to kill em'. So I tried to threw chairs at him, in class. They thought I was the evil one, not him. Atleast that is how I see it.

After some time was passing by, I was moved to a school for persons with special needs. Basically, an retard. Be it somebody who can't control his anger or just being bad at learning. So, maybe I wasn't that guy who was emotional-socially disabled, but there is now full of people that should be like "me", sure a dilemma. Don't ya think?
So, I actually got several times hit and threw few punches back. At some point, I was introduced in a music class. However it happened, it was the first time I had 'fun'. Playing together, in peace which was rather exceptional, the trumpet. Hell, I even played in a band and was quite good at it. If I see the recordings right, it was probably just playing what was in the top of the german charts currently.

But this teacher led me to go into an class which prepared for the 'Hauptschule', which is like an star in the sky for many just something they can grab but never reach.

However, I was able to. At that school, I had average marks. Then, I changed school. This time, I was two years at the school before actually changing the school, again. I was able to be the best student of the grade for two years. Just before I changed the school, I was probably already depressed. Surely I was already frustuated at what my choices I could make... They were more than limited. Because what for the first time happened: I wanted actually to do something by my own will. I wanted to become a japanese manga artist after I saw many anime in the second year I was there. It brang also the same thing I had once in the band; fun, tons of fun. Or is it something else? Basically, I even worked for an graphic tablet, but like always, I prepared how to use the software and it was so complicated, I honestly... paused it or in otherwords: Gave up.

This was at the time I moved to the 'Realschule', ranked one higher if you look in your graduation report at the end of grade ten. There, I was surely already not caring anymore. You could throw anything towards me and I didn't care. At that point, I changed from being a social-loner to be somebody who don't even care about making one single friend in school or an single conversation by will. If I ever wanted to talk somebody, it was because I actually needed information of him, nothing less, nothing more. The school marks went down from two's and one's to six's with points between four and zero. I was imaging I was somewhere else in class. How messed up is that? And then my glasses broke by an very soft ball, by another player meanwhile we played dodgeball. Now, if I even tried to care, I couldn't. So, I wrote more and more bad marks in tests and exams. I already had critic at the things we needed to learn when I wrote two's and one's, but now I didn't even felt that it was needed somewhere, but just something to let me walk longer through hell. My daily routine was like this: Wake up -> Brush theeth etc -> go to Computer for 30 minutes -> Turn it off and put shoes on -> Walk to the bus -> Bus 20 minutes -> School 8 hours -> Bus 20 minutes -> Playing computer games and watching Anime -> Go to bed midnight -> Repeat
It was... boring. Also some dramatic things happened between an teacher, but that isn't any worthy. Or maybe yes, because it has something to do with my perspective of life at that time. Basically to sum it up, work expierence was like I thought it was, so I thought not going there and the teacher was mad that I hadn't got any work for two weeks to expierence how to work. If I hadn't I would had to pay a fine... my teacher said.

Then, to the current; I moved schools again. This time, I am back to an "Hauptschule", still didn't give a damn and actually not like before, I went already the 'Only need information from you' route. However, I wrote good marks in tests and exams, yet... How ever I did that? I sometimes try to explain myself that all what I do is bullshitting. But that can't be in a math test/exam.

So, in the Realschule time I actually tried to get useful information online about several things and also I asked other people what I should do; Basically I should continue school. BUT I hate school. I really hate school. But I don't feel like doing try to learn art... Am I really this lazy or is this just the power of Depression?