Hi all,
At my girlfriends mother's place we sometimes play cards. The game is called "manielen", it's a dutch term. Everybody there has played this game for years but I am a total newbie at it. My girlfriend plays really fast and she seems to be frustrated if I can't keep up or if make some mistakes.. She sighs or says loudly NO if I do something wrong.
This is making me anxious to play with her and I actually don't enjoy it very much.
I would like to get some hints on how I make her clear that I would like her to be a little more patient. I can tell her afterwards, but in the game I don't want to argue if her mother and sisters are there.
Any help will be appreciated.
Greetings,
Francis
Playing cards
2 posts
• Page 1 of 1
by Michael Lank » Thu Jul 08, 2004 12:56 pm
Hi Fresco,
This Research has shown that when one person makes a mistake other people experience it as if they were making the mistake, so it's possible that your girlfriend is reacting as if it was her mistake, rather than criticising you. She is in all likelihood responding quite automatically and unconsciously, if she's wrapped up in playing the game.
If you would like her to change her behaviour the best thing is to discuss it with her, choosing the right time, tell how it makes you feel and how you would feel calmer if she didn't respond in that way. Perhaps you could agree a signal a word that you could use during the game to remind her to be more patient.
This Research has shown that when one person makes a mistake other people experience it as if they were making the mistake, so it's possible that your girlfriend is reacting as if it was her mistake, rather than criticising you. She is in all likelihood responding quite automatically and unconsciously, if she's wrapped up in playing the game.
If you would like her to change her behaviour the best thing is to discuss it with her, choosing the right time, tell how it makes you feel and how you would feel calmer if she didn't respond in that way. Perhaps you could agree a signal a word that you could use during the game to remind her to be more patient.
- Michael Lank
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2 posts
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