but then, since i went to college about 8 months ago, since i live alone (not with my family anymore) my food intake gets kind of out of control sometimes. so i feel like i have to control my food intake even harder. and since then, i have to admit that the purging gets more intense then it was before. but when i said intense here, i dont mean that it is that bad if you know what i mean. i mean, i get to choose when to throw up, and can tell myself to stop. and i didnt even feel any bad effect on my body, nor any effect really, i didnt loose any weight at all. so the "purging session" were only some kind of redemption for me for the massive amount of food. and it didnt occur everyday. so by then, i dont think that i'm a bulimic.
and then, since about this february, i started this diet where i restricted the carbs and sugar intake into my body. and i also tried to be as active as i can. i also track my daily intake and outtake of calories. so i always planned my daily intake everyday. and it works! i lost about 3 pounds in 3 weeks. i have lost about 13 pounds in total. so i feel like i have lived a very very healthy lifestyle. i feel really good about myself! but here what i have to say, the purging has not really stop. like i said before, i always planned my food intake for the day, right? so by then, there were indeed several days when things dont go the way that i planned it to be, i ate more than what i planned. so everytime it happened, i tried to thrown up ONLY the excessive foods that i ate, and that's all. soooo, the amount of food that i intend to thrown out is not as much as it was before. but i have to admit that this happens a lil bit more often than before. but still, less amount of "purgee".
like i said before, i feel that i have lived a very healthy life, i mean i ate vegetables, fruit, white meat, drink much water, never feel hungry, and as active as i can right? but then i realize, that i have loss my menstruation period for about 2 months. and my parents and several of my friends (whom i rarely get the chance to hang out with these days) told me that i am too thin right now (oh, and btw, nobody knows that i'm on this "weightloss programme"). but that is sooo not true, i mean come on! my BMI is 22.7 , and i want it to be no more than 19! so i think, yeah well, they're my parents and buddies, so that's what they do, concerning about me. but i'm alright! really!
so tell me, what do you think about it? do you think that i'm having an eating disorder? cause i dont. hehe. well you could say i'm on denial right now, and i would understand that. but i dont think i am :p. cause i mean, i've been doing research on bulimia, and i know what it is and how it is. well MAYBE, just maybe, i kinda am, but i dont think that i am THAT bulimic, you know what i mean? and also, sometimes i think that there's this possibility that when i say that i had taken too much food for the day, in "normal amount of food" it actually is not too much. but still, since it is more than what i planned for the day, for me that means that i had taken waaay too much food indeed.
and can you help me with this menstruation period? what do you think is the cause?
oh, and one more thing, if you think that i'm on denial right now, please wake me up from it. i really hope that i could get the answer here. and i'd love to hear your stories too if you want to share anything
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hughug
~ you can call me Joey