Fear

Hi All,

I'm a rather large lady, and have been for rather a long time. I basically have a healthy and varied diet, except I eat too much snack food and rubbish. I can't seem to stop, and its compulsive.

I think I know where it comes from. My mother lived in poverty for years before I was born. I was a late baby, and have three much older siblings. When they were growing up, my parents were so poor that my mum stopped eating. She fed my dad and the kids, but she only ate the kids leftovers. If they didn't leave any, she didn't eat. Eventually my dad found out and hit the roof, telling her they'd manage and she needed to eat. This had a lasting effect on her, and she has this fear of being hungry, and she has passed this on to me. As a child, if I was going to be out at a kids club at dinner time, she would make me a whole dinner at 3PM, "just in case you're hungry". This still happened as I grew into adult hood.

I have been left with this fear of being hungry. If I feel even the slightest bit hungry, I become irritable, sometimes irate, and a little bit manic. The longer it goes on, the more upset I become. There is no need for me to feel this way, I have never been without food in my life (apart from a short time when I was living with my ex and we were so skint I lived off cereal alone for a week).

I desperately want to lose weight, and be healthy, but this fear of being hungry just makes me over compensate and eat too much. I hate it and sometimes I cry as I eat, because I know I'm eating too much but can't stop.

My partner doesn't know how to help me, and he loves me no matter what size I am. I want to be healthy for him, and I want to feel sexy. I can't unless I lose weight, but I just can't stop over eating.

I try to take it one day at a time, and I feel good if I've had a healthy day. But I always mess it up later at night, because I can't resist the snacks!

I also have a medical condition that causes weight gain, and I genetically have a slow metabolism. It just feels like the odds are against me, and that I'm not supposed to be a healthy weight.

Can anyone suggest anything that may help? I would really appreciate it.