Metaphors

The difficulty seems to lie in "I'm attempting to treat" and "as she's a friend". People don't develop insomnia for no reason. Have you established whether she would like to discuss "her private life & anything that might be causing it"?

If you've talked to her about nutrition, adequate exercise and avoidance of stimulants, the only thing left is: "Is something bothering you?"

This isn't so much a metaphor as an observation: People can be struggling with a range of insoluble issues that they ward off during the day by keeping busy and being in company, then when they're going off duty (ie. trying to sleep) and let their guard down, the thing they've held at bay all day swoops in. Naturally there's no getting to sleep without letting our guard down. Pills and alcohol can appear to help, but typically the troubled person then wakes in the wee hours and can't get back to sleep.

Some people find it helpful to have a designated worrying time, perhaps when she first gets home in the evening, definitely not last thing at night.

There's no substitute for resolving a problem, if possible; or truly coming to terms with a bad situation if there's nothing to be done.

Thanks Candid.

I've guessed at a possible reason, (though I don't want to fall into the trap of mind reading) and I was getting into questioning with IMS, but I think she overrode it consciously as first of all she indicated there was something else.

The possible solution isn't easy to solve short term, as I think that she needs a steady relationship/life partner.

So what I'm going to need to do is find/make some metaphors to give her the certainty that what she needs will come along at some point and she doesn't have to worry about this for now, just concentrate on her studies etc and just 'live in the moment'. I may have to include something that says 'you know what you want so go out & get it'..

I mentioned the 'worry window' and she seemed to like that.

I don't want to fall into the trap of mind reading

I do it all the time but I call it 'advanced empathy'. I get enough 'hits' to make it worthwhile and I'm careful about how I phrase it (a diffident "I'm wondering whether..." or "I have a hunch that...") so I'm ready to hear I've got it wrong.

I think that she needs a steady relationship/life partner.

I'm not comfortable with that as a primary need. Good relationships don't fill a yawning chasm, they work best when people are already sorted. Maybe she would be happier if a prospective partner took an interest, but that would prevent her working on the real issue. If she feels unloved, that's worth exploring further.

... give her the certainty that what she needs will come along at some point and she doesn't have to worry about this for now, just concentrate on her studies etc and just 'live in the moment'.

That sounds good.

I may have to include something that says 'you know what you want so go out & get it'..

That puts back the pressure you just alleviated!

Do you not have regular supervision to discuss this kind of thing? It's mandatory for therapists in the UK and Australia.

Good insights, thanks.

I agree people need to be happy in themselves before they can do it in a relationship. I think she is pretty sorted, and ready for one, so this might be bothering her legitimately, and she's only 30 but at that age it's natural for girls to start to wonder if they'll find someone in time to start a family, and I've not asked her outright about that, it would seem like I'm checking her out as a suitable partner, and because of possible transference it might plant the wrong seed in her brain.

I don't know if telling her to actively look for what she needs will be a problem, our job is to help people achieve their aims & be happy after all. As long as she doesn't expect instant results, but if you want something in a years time for ex, don't wait until a year has passed to start looking.

Had a good session today with a friend who doesn't feel like he gives it his best when he plays guitar onstage, esp solo. One thing I used from the history taking was his 'reward' pint that he gives himself after setting up as a trigger to go into 'the zone' ready to play, every sip of that beer (or soft drink) will take you further into relaxation until half a pint, and whatever it is will taste like your favorite beer (not sure if that will work but worth a try for experimentation purposes).

We do have support from our tutors, phone numbers etc but I thought I'd put these things out on forums for more diverse views & ideas. We have a catchup & debriefing with them on the course weekends at the beginnning of the month so at the mo I wait for that.

Cheers, Dave

One thing I used from the history taking was his 'reward' pint that he gives himself after setting up as a trigger to go into 'the zone' ready to play, every sip of that beer (or soft drink) will take you further into relaxation until half a pint, and whatever it is will taste like your favorite beer (not sure if that will work but worth a try for experimentation purposes).

A great experiment that can certainly do no harm. I'm a big fan of this kind of self-hypnosis!