Looking for advice

Hello there, im 19 years old and i've been experiencing most of the symptoms described on the Depression learning path associated with depression.

I finished my first year of uni in May and have found it quite hard over the last few months to adjust to the change - ive gone from a 9-late, mentally stimulating lifestyle to a part-time bar job (late, long hours) - I feel like I really enjoy the job, im a very sociable person and function better when alert and kept busy but i cant help feel that maybe the job is aggravating some of my symptoms. I took a year out between school and uni and half was spent working 13hr days and the other was spent travelling with the money id saved and ive had a really busy first yr uni, i think the sudden lack of stimulus has had a really bad affect on me.

A couple of weeks into the bar job I was out one night and on the way home was attacked by a group of girls. Since then i just feel like I cant be happy anymore which angers me - I shouldnt feel guilty or ashamed of the girls behaviour. Ive started clenching my jaw by habit (i dont know if thats a physical or mental result of the attack) which is stressing me out even more.

Ive been snapping at my friends for all the little things they do that i would normally brush away. Some of them understand and know that ive been acting really out of character, others i think find it hard (and maybe that its an excuse on my part) and think its unfair for me to take it out on others (which I understand and when im snapping at them I know im doing it, i feel really bad but just cant help myself). The littlest things harrass me and get me really worked up - songs on the radio or adverts on the tv i dont like, children making a racket, people leaving doors open - sometimes to the point of tears, othertimes Ill be quite happy to rant about it for 10 minutes. Im living at home with my parents for the summer but instead of taking it out on them as well I barely talk to them, it seems like such an effort to force a smile at home and have never been close enough to them to talk to them about it (although i know that telling them would undoubtedly bring us closer, i know they would understand and be helpful).

I find it really frustrating that on the surface I have a really good life - Ive got very little reason to complain but im still unhappy - curses to the depression! I guess I just needed to get some stuff off my chest but I would appreciate any feedback or advice or similar experiences people have had/are having. I'm also wondering if I should seek medical help? I really wouldnt want to go on anti-depressants. i just feel very empty and emotionless so much of the time and then the rest my mind is in overdrive. It does scare me that this could be a long term thing but im really determined to beat it and just want to know what the best way to go about it it. well...thanks for listening

Maisie