Better since stopping medication?

Hi Juno

I myself haven't experienced this but many people I have worked with report feeling better after stopping antidepressant medication in a controlled way. Antidepressants are effective for about 1/3 of people who take them but many people find they don't agree with them.

Mark.

Hi Mark

Thank you for your reply.

I do feel so much better since I stopped taking them. I had no idea they didn't work for everyone. There were so many times during the 7 (very angry now about that) years that I took them when I would say "why don't I feel any better?". And I'd somehow answer the question myself with "maybe I'd be even worse if I wasn't taking them".

My psychiatrist still thinks it's entirely coincidental that I have radically improved since ceasing medication.

I'm just busy enjoying each new day - and what a thrill that is. No more "heavy heart" and constantly thinking "when will this end?" I feel like "me" again. I do wish, though, that I had known more when I first started taking them.

Juno

Juno,
I'm sorry the Serzone didn't help you. [I was surprised your doc didn't try you on anything else -- Serzone is an old style anti-d -- but I found your earlier post.] I'm glad you're doing well without, that is WONDERFUL .

I've been on various SSRIs and Wellbutrin for 7 years. They have helped me. I went off very carefully last year and felt quite well for a while but after about 1 month of being completely off, started getting very, very anxious.

Since my therapist wasn't too keen on me going off in the first place, she quickly suggested going back on. Now I wonder if I just needed more support from friends and family to get me ver a hump, and more of a plan.

In any case, I am now looking in very much detail to a lot of information on various depression treatments out there, including Learning Path. Maybe I'll try to go off again.

~Mermaid

Hi Mermaid

Thank you for your reply. I hadn't planned on coming off Serzone, but it was discontinued. My doctor planned on starting me on Effexor, but I said I wanted to see what I was like without medication first.

Initially, I was OK about the idea of going on Effexor. It wasn't until I started to feel so bad, about four weeks into tapering off Serzone - mostly the tightness in the chest and shortness of breath (anxiety, I guess) was the worst - and started to get more info online and read other people's stories, and begin to understand more of the whole ssri-etc picture.

Up until then, I just thought I'd somehow magically get better while taking the med - at least, that's what my doctor said - he continually said "it takes time". But I didn't have much of a life really - no job and no confidence to get one (hard after such a successful career) bugger all friends because I wouldn't let people near me, pushed all my old friends away when I began to get sick. While taking Serzone what passed for normal was feeling reasonably OK some of the time, that is not suicidal, and then unbelievably angry the rest of the time, with suicidal "thoughts and plans" episodes happening every couple of months. And chronic insomnia the whole time. And my doctor thought I was doing OK. I kept saying how long will this go on for? What life? It's passing me by. I've lost 7 years ... how much more?

I think reading that the drugs don't work for everyone - and in my opinion, which my doctor seems to think is totally irrelevant, Serzone didn't work for me for at least the last three years - was such a shock, it was like a wake-up call. I spent days online "collecting evidence" and learned so much. By then, I was down to a very low dose Serzone and started to feel more like me. Then, I read the Learning Path and it further cemented the "shock" but in a positive way - I don't have to have a lifetime of depression.

It's been those two things - I don't believe Serzone was working for me and I think I had major side-effects, and I think my depression is OVER (probably has been for some time but how would I have been able to tell while still taking Serzone?) that have kept me going.

It's just over four weeks now since the last dose - mostly I've felt fantastic - not just good, but great. Really happy - "deeply" happy and positive about the future. I'm still not sleeping much and yesterday I had the tightness in the chest, difficulty breathing etc. Funnily enough it came on when I was online doing more research about Serzone. I think it's still such a shock and I'm so angry that my doctor has discounted any side-effect I think I've had, has a "medical" reason for all of them including the brown spots in front of my eyes, which I had almost daily and haven't had for four weeks, and the visual "echo" like a neon-trippy strobing effect that I sometimes had ... and haven't had since stopping.

Apart from being angry with him, the single biggest difference I've noticed is that my general anger has gone. It has just evaporated, almost overnight. During the past 7 years I have been SO angry - road rage, rage at my family, rage at everything and everyone at times, and rude (not like me ever). I have said so many times "I don't know where that anger comes from" and "I didn't know I had so much anger".

So yesterday I googled "Serzone+anger" and got so many hits that were stories just like mine ... it was after reading a few that the anxiety in my chest started. I think it's to do with now being "angry" (OK, I think justifiably very angry) about the effects of Serzone. How else could the anger have magically disappeared since I stopped taking it?

It's a nightmare thinking about my appts with the doc - he thinks I feel better for "no reason". I have yet another suspicious skin-thing (a new mole) which with my melanoma history is having to be removed. I mentioned to my doc that it was stressful to be having things checked and removed every six months and he said "who knows, maybe they'll even stop coming for no reason, too". This seems bizarre to me, not to mention just so patronising. (I would think they might stop coming when my immune system rebuilds and my stress levels go down - not for "no reason".)

But when I visualise saying to him how I really feel - that the drug wasn't working, that I am disappointed that he is not prepared to consider the possibility that it wasn't working or that there were side-effects or that I feel better AS A RESULT of not taking it, I can only see him patronising me as a "mentally-ill" patient (or, almost worse, as an emotional woman) and that's enough to drive me INSANE (ha ha, joke). But it does make me think of being tripped up and tied up in circles by someone who has all the answers - even when those answers are "there are no answers". That's why I liked the Learning Path so much - it was tangible. It had things to hang on to.

Sorry, Mermaid, to go on so much - didn't realise how much I had to get off my chest. Re whether you needed more support and a plan, when you quit last year, I think that would have been helpful. I've decided to believe that there must still be negative effects from the Serzone in my body and brain (even if it has left my blood stream, I took the max dose for 6 years and have read that it can take months to get over that) and that not sleeping is one of them. And I'm just going with any anxious feelings - why wouldn't it be scary after so long? Actually, I really want to believe that any anxiety at the moment is still part of the Serzone withdrawal.

And I'm going to find someone that I can go to for some skills-based training. I guess I have to understand that I might find myself at the top of the downward spiral again sometime and I want to be prepared. I want to know how to stop it before it gets too bad.

If you try again, Mermaid, best of luck. I think having a plan is good. But if the drugs are working for you, maybe stick with what's working?

Sorry again for such a ramble ...

Juno

No problem, thanks for writing back! Good for you, going for skills-based training.

IMHO, I think it might be helpful to you to get a different psychiatrist, or use your psych only for med checks and a therapist for your personal therapy. (That works well for me.) While it is true the placebo effect is very powerful, your doc is really showing a blind eye to your experience and his attitude isn't very helpful in general. Use Learning Paths guide to find a therapist that uses the right kind of treatment. I had to try 2 or 3 psychiatrists before I found one I could work with.

Last year I had somewhat of a plan: I decided ahead of time on a schedule to reduce dosage, discussed it with my psychiatrist, and tracked my mood. But I think I didn't plan for enough support from my family. My sister and I are now doing a "goal plan" I suggested with 3 parts: 1) acknowledge what things ARE working. 2) list the things causing the most problems in our life. 3) Make a weekly\ monthly plan with specific steps to work on those problems. Don't try to do too much at one time. We also have check-ins w/ each other at least 2x a week. Being realistic in how much we try to do has really helped.

I am being very cautious about going off my meds, I know it is better to be on them to be very depressed, but it would be great if I could get off them and still feel well!

Juno wrote:Hi Mermaid
...
Sorry, Mermaid, to go on so much - didn't realise how much I had to get off my chest. Re whether you needed more support and a plan, when you quit last year, I think that would have been helpful. I've decided to believe that there must still be negative effects from the Serzone in my body and brain (even if it has left my blood stream, I took the max dose for 6 years and have read that it can take months to get over that) and that not sleeping is one of them. And I'm just going with any anxious feelings - why wouldn't it be scary after so long? Actually, I really want to believe that any anxiety at the moment is still part of the Serzone withdrawal.

And I'm going to find someone that I can go to for some skills-based training. I guess I have to understand that I might find myself at the top of the downward spiral again sometime and I want to be prepared. I want to know how to stop it before it gets too bad.

If you try again, Mermaid, best of luck. I think having a plan is good. But if the drugs are working for you, maybe stick with what's working?

Sorry again for such a ramble ...

Juno