It seems to me that possibly you have a very high bar people must jump over in order for it to qualify in your mind.
Yes, you nailed it there. That's exactly it. As mentioned, I do see acts that I'd consider nice, and while it would SEEM that even these elementary niceties are less and less of an occurrence, for myself and many people, when these moments do present themselves I cannot fully relish in them. Sure, it's possible that I've become slightly better at just accepting things, but there's a still a very nagging part of me that says "more, more, more". There is a degree of anhedonia. Yes, a dissatisfaction with standard reactions as result of past criticisms. Not necessarily criticisms always directed at me. I just absorb many outside opinions - am...uh, highly suggestible from a lack of a strong foundation of belief other than a handful of absolutes I subscribe to. There's a duality in me that I have this individualist streak but also very much subsist on feedback, in abundance. I'm still trying to people please on some level (for creative projects I pursue and stuff; still trying to appease some vague idea of integrity that I have based on a convoluted aesthetic), despite misanthropy coming very naturally. It's a constant tug of war of how I want to project myself, the high - perhaps unattainable - standards I've set in place for myself, and how I actually feel. This is yet another digression, but it's not secret that the concept of merely 'being yourself' is hackneyed and misguided. Within reason it's possible to attain happiness doing whatever you want I guess...there comes a point when you can deviate from the standard social structure and be infinitely more satisfied because you have (not without ramifications obviously) ...although, appealing to a consensus idea of what's considered more acceptable keeps us more satisfied. This is all within reason of course.
There was a post in the other thread I made that I was working on that was responding to you - and this is when I thought we were getting off on the wrong foot or whatever - ...a very long-winded post, so I wouldn't blame anyone who wouldn't want to slog through it; it elaborates more on this. Explains more where I'm coming from. I may finish the post and have to edit it appropriately. I dunno.
And tijmenklip said:
Your experience is so much shaped by HOW you view the world. If you have a inner belief that people can't ever be trusted to be altruistic. You won't ever see it anywhere. On the other hand, somehow if you have a belief that people are altruistic. You will see it in many places.
We are in the end very subjective interpreters of reality/the world. So because of your strong belief that it is not possible, it is hard for arguments here to sway you. And you will probably keep experiencing the same in your life. Not unless you learn to be open for other possibilities.
Oh I'm very much aware of this. And no, I assure you I'm not locked on auto to automatically see the worst in people. I sway that way, but I'm able to pull back and be a little more objective. I will admit it reverts back to seeing a bleaker side of humanity though.
But the fact remains is I am very much open to other possibilities. That's why I'm here asking all of this. If I wasn't hopeful there was an alternative way of looking at all of this I probably wouldn't be here. I certainly, unequivocally do NOT want my more pessimistic thoughts to be confirmed. Actual, objectively bad things occur, and it is indeed---you are right in this regard--my frim belief that things veer towards the pessimistic. I equate a fair bit of intelligence with pessimism. It's not that I think intelligence automatically equals being more negative though. As I was saying, I'm very, very much opened to the idea my level of bleakness is skewing towards an irrational extreme. I'm pretty sure of it as a matter of fact.
