Inability to do certain sort of work

That's the same question I asked. That's funny actually. You see I was like you a few months ago.

Was there an answer to your question?

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/26/ps ... ndex2.html

i found it. I'm Mr Muck McFold in that thread above.

go to the last page and it is there somewhere.

So to get back to your question with 'what do you mean with man up".
Is to stop whining about everything, and get your priorities straight.
What do you want?
You want money? Then go and get it!
Go look for better jobs, go and improve your game. There won't be a magic answer here, in the end you have to do it yourself.

Nothing in life is free, so feeling sorry yourself isn't gonna get you anywhere.

I guess 'stop whining, get your priorities straight, and do it' is the right answer to such problems. It feels like as if I was a boulder and tried to move myself, though. Have you ever seen rocks rolling anywhere on their own intention? I am affraid I do not have any sufficiently strong desires to move me as far as the next town. I do want things but not strongly enough. I am not depressed, though there are periods of melancholy occasionally. There is an advice that in order to have strong motivation for change, you need to have a very clear vision of your destination. I guess I shall give that a proper try.

BH's advice might work for those who spend there excess energies in worthless hedonistic pursuits, or basically such a simplistic form of motivation may work for anyone with excess unfocused, or poorly focused energy. It doesn't seem that's the case here. Riddle's difficulties working alone are not the same as a refusal to take work seriously. Rather than saving his energy for trivial matters, he actually may be using more energy trying, and failing, to work alone than he spends when successfully working with others.

Basically, one can't summon energy that isn't there, whether it's physical or emotional, without straining oneself. If he was running a race and used uncommon will to motivate himself to run faster than is natural he would likely hurt himself. Similarly, if he uses uncommon will to motivate himself to work while alone, he may find he develops disorders from the internal strain, ulcers for example.

As for the issue of friends, it would likely help to reduce the stress of working alone if he had more, because with enough friends some people become tired of socializing and the relief at time alone may counter the stress involved with being left to their own thoughts.

Though, it's not as simple a matter as to say he should get some friends. He seems to have opportunities, living in a town where he's known, yet they're aren't for him. I don't know what type of town he lives in, but chances are those people would be good enough casual friends for most people, so my assumption is that he's sufficiently different than most.

With that said, him being different, it seems useless to ask him to try harder at what he's doing, when it appears that what he's doing is typical, just as the friends he rejects are likely typical.

So basically I need to change my life. Move perhaps, try different occupations? My current job pays little which turns the problem into a major character challange. That is how I view the situation.

How does your job's low pay turn the situation into a character challenge?

I don't know about changing jobs or moving. What I'm saying is that from what I've read, you won't likely get over your problem by trying harder. It doesn't mean that you can't find some kind of resolution to your problem other ways. It may be best to find out conclusively why it's difficult for you to work alone before making any changes. From what I recall you've been given three possible reasons, a fear of being taken advantage of, a lack of priorities, or significant stress due to over-thinking when alone.

Eerily Remains wrote:How does your job's low pay turn the situation into a character challenge?

I don't know about changing jobs or moving. What I'm saying is that from what I've read, you won't likely get over your problem by trying harder. It doesn't mean that you can't find some kind of resolution to your problem other ways. It may be best to find out conclusively why it's difficult for you to work alone before making any changes. From what I recall you've been given three possible reasons, a fear of being taken advantage of, a lack of priorities, or significant stress due to over-thinking when alone.

Well, I don't know how to find out precisely, but what I feel is: ~10% fear of being taken advantage of, ~30% lack of priorities and ~60% over-thinking.

As for priorities, I know roughly what I want my life to be like, what I value most, and what I value less. But I often feel like a child in a candy store when I think of various life possbilites. It can easily throw me off course for a while, mentally.

I don't mind working more than others at all, so fear of being taken advantage of is limited in me. Come to think of it, it really is just a feeling that I am wasting my time when I have to work extra.

Over-thinking... I guess I do it, but it is unclear to me how it is supposed to drain your energy. How does it work?

It takes significant energy to think. Just as important as the loss of total energy, is the fact that when overthinking one is taxing one's mind. Take speaking randomly for far too long, as opposed to overthinking. The energy it takes to speak, if the words aren't carefully considered is minimal, so one will hardly lose any significant energy, that could be used for doing other things, by doing so, but one will have a soar throat as a consequence.

So when straining one's legs while running a race, one risks not being able to run when needed, by straining one's voice, one risks not being able to speak when needed, and when straining one's mind, one risks not being able to effectively think when needed. All abilities need be developed slowly. If you're regularly straining your mind while working then the next day trying to work with a mind that's already strained, you only strain it worse. With that in mind, whether you would best get a new job or not, you could use some time off, but only if you can go back to work with a plan to avoid renewing that cycle.

Riddles wrote:As for priorities, I know roughly what I want my life to be like, what I value most, and what I value less. But I often feel like a child in a candy store when I think of various life possbilites. It can easily throw me off course for a while, mentally.

Like most modern people, chances are whatever stereotypical forms of success you achieve you will still suffer from deep discontent. With that in mind, you needn't be overwhelmed by the idea of favorable possibilities.

Eerily Remains wrote:With that in mind, whether you would best get a new job or not, you could use some time off, but only if you can go back to work with a plan to avoid renewing that cycle.

Is it even possible to 'avoid'? It just happens whenever I need to work on my own, I feel unable to do anything about it. The only way to avoid it seems to be, being constanlty supervised, but that is impossible. Also, I have just had a long break, I simply put my work off and spent some time at home. I cannot be entirely sure but during this time I seemed to have very little thought about my job, I had just thrown it out of my head because I was getting sick of it piling up. Now that I am back and have barely begun working again, I already feel overwhelmed and sick. I just want to quit, and never work a minute in my life again.

Over thinking can be avoided potentially, but possibly with much difficulty. I personally have no decent advice that I can think of at the moment on how to avoid overthinking, but others might.

Your last line in a common sentiment made by people who're stressed at work, but it's interesting. In general people make claims about how they'd like to spend the rest of theirs lives; whether it be what they'll do, what they won't do, or who they won't speak to again. In your case I don't know if you meant that sincerely or not. But either way, it's exaggeration bordering on self-deception. If you said it to only emphasize the way you feel, I'd say more productive ways of expressing those feelings can be made without exaggerating, as you've done previously. If you actually mean, than, as if to say that if you won enough money to retire, the degree of arrogance is high. You couldn't possibly know your self so well as to know how you'd like to spend the rest of your life.

Anyway, I realize the above is not particularly focusing on your problem. It may not be something you can solve anytime soon. It would be valuable to determine the exact cause of your problem before changing jobs, and perhaps moving, but if such determination doesn't appear forthcoming, then yes, action may be need be done sooner than later.

There are definitely jobs where you would virtually never be left alone, though the only one's I can think of are low paying. A compromise you might consider.