How fight this?

Guess what? wrote:I don't think this works actually. I thought good about myself for a long time, years ago, and nothing changed. This is why, today, I'am asking what is wrong.

Years ago you thought good of yourself. Then for years since you've been feeling bad about yourself? How many years? If you feel bad about yourself, are you wanting another person to "make" you feel good? That sounds like the makings of a codependent relationship. Is that what you want?

Maybe.
Still, it does not work like this.
If I'm whiny, irritable, arrogant and agressive dude, why should people stay with me?
I mean, we can even close the thread so?
I have to be Ok with this my state? Keeping annoying the girl and the others with my crying?

I think I understand bad tou message.
Honestly yes, it make good when others say that you are ok, sometimes others understand us better than we can.
I felt light when somebody in a forum said that I didn't anything serious.
Otherwise I don't even need a thread... even if nobody say something about myself.. or maybe I understand me, but i'm so confused.

Good Morning Guess What,

A Psychologist is the one whom you would wish to go to. Psychologists are science, data based Mental Health Professionals that have developed therapies for treating mental dysfunctions. But it seem you are being sent to a psychiatrist who will just give you some form of antidepressant, which sounds good but the pills are almost entirely useless. The reason they prescribe them is that all the psychiatrists get kick-backs from the pharmaceutical industry or because of the placebo effect that they encourage -- that people think the pills might help and so they do. But, note, you can't take them and drink, because you would get dizzy and fall down. they make you as lazy as an old cat and they screw with your sexual libido, and not in a good way. You gain weight. Well, you know, the drugs have list their sideeffects... just read that list and realize that they are not occurring in one out of a 1000 patients but that they are happening to everybody. Oh, and if you try to get off of them, well, the withdraw symptoms are a nightmare and then you will have a side effect that might last years -- its a burst of static noise inside your head, "scitch". When you first get off the drug and try to quit the "scitch" is obviously accompanied by a total loss of balance, but it is so short that you do not fall down, but it is very worrisome, to feel that for a fraction of a second you have lost all reference to up, down, sideways or one's physical orientation. Think about that when you are driving. I think the "scitch" actually for a moment paralyzes the the entire brain. So, those Antidepressants (serotonin uptake inhibitors -- they are all the same thing, really) are actually dangerous (yes, these drugs actually do interfere with the proper way that the brain works with its neurochemistry, adn they do it for corporate profit, without reliable government oversight, and we are expected to believe that these Greedy Businessmen won't get it all wrong and screw us all up) , and if you ask around, very few people would say they are anything but marginally effective (and they are being prescribed for everything -- anxiety, depression, or whatever a person silly enough to go to a psychiatrist walks through the door and complains of. I honestly think that the Government Agencies were paid off to approve these poisons. There is no other explanation for this scourge of our times.

You would think that the Pharmaceutical Industry could develop a Happy Pill (focusing on Dopamine instead of Serotonin). Who would not benefit by being happier, but in both America and Europe there is still a kind of Calvinist Puritanical Mindset which has decided that only the Elite Rich and Powerful deserve to be happy. What, don't the French have a pharmaceutical industry?

But I almost have no doubt that you will get in line for these Serotonin Uptake Inhibitors. It will be your easy way to deal with the problem.

There are also Psychoanalysts. Traditionally Psychoanalysts have been reserved mostly for rich men's wives who pay huge fees to come in for an appointment once a week for the rest of their lives. Nobody ever gets better with psychoanalyses. Indeed, remember that we were talking about Psychologists (who don't prescribe drugs, thank god, or they would be corrupted into prescribing them too...I think the kickbacks go on for years as long as the prescription under the patients name are being renewed, so it begins to represent a large part of their revenue stream... it should be illegal, but it is now the criminals and predators that make the laws, or pay the bribes for them to be made). Well, in the early 20th Century Psychologists were merely scientific researchers who studied behavior and mental processes. But it did not take many decades for them to discern clearly that their psychoanalyst colleagues were running a virtual scam... a racket. Nobody was being helped but a lot of people were paying out a lot of money. then there were the scandals in psychoanalyses -- the big names such as Freud and Jung -- well, it turns out that that they passed on (to fry in hell we should all hope) without leaving libraries of their studies, data and findings... or even so much as a filing cabinet dedicated to anything besides billing information. it turns out that they were just making it all up as they went along. Intriguing and attracting a high rolling clientele was obviously at the forefront of their theoretical thinking. and So the Psychologists decided since nobody else would do it, effectively and usefully, they themselves would go into Treatment and Therapy. they are some of the heroes of the 20th Century. and they have continued to be research driven, science and data based. they will only get better and better. but, look, ... you are getting ready to go to a psychiatrist for pills that will ultimately cripple your mind and body, and you are planning to go to a psychoanalyst, who will take your money and talk about how your potty training and an over protective mother screwed you all up, but then never suggest the first notion of what you are expected to do about any of it now. In Cognitive Behavioral Training (as per the Psychologist) they have determined that KNOWING WHY you are screwed up, while nice to know, has very little impact on being able to deal with the problem. You don't need to know WHY in order to deal with your problems. Psychology well supports me in the notion that we can justly put the past behind us and deal exclusively with our Present and Future.

Guess What, I wish you luck, but I am not hopeful for you. You seem to be in some if not intentional that instinct-impulse driven downward spiral of self-destructiveness. Your greatest enjoyment seems to be crying, and to destroy yourself utterly will give you plenty to cry about.

Hello Leo.

I don't like the way you said those things
Still, I didn't choose on my own. I just went to my doctor, said that I'm irritable, lazy, for years I have bad reactions and that my penis doesn't work when I'm with girls.
He said that it is depression of course and give me the prescription for the psychoanalist; i even said that I do not want drugs 'cause I'm scared of their side-effects (somebody said he lost hair); I didn't even know that psychoanalist will give me pills.

You seem to be in some if not intentional that instinct-impulse driven downward spiral of self-destructiveness.

The most intentional self-destructiveness thing I could do, in my opinion, was don't talk with anyone about all of this. Just taking all inside, believing that I was doing the right thing and running for the forgiving from whom even doesn't have anything to do with it. And crying on myself
"you are still doing it "
I don't think so, or maybe not as much as I would do if I kept all inside.
'Cause I'm pretty sure I would have do this if I didn't look for help.

I go to my doctor, and then to psychoanalist, not 'cause i wanna explode in a vortex of boring, madness or whatever you said. I go to my doctor 'cause sometimes i get mad for nothing.
'Cause 2 years ago I leave my friend and any social bonds because I was angry for a night that went wrong.
'Cause the few times i could have sex, my penis have not worked. Christ, I think it is serious if even the body does not respond correctly

"It is because you think to much about girls. Just stop"
I'm not stupid. I'm not much intelligent, but i'm not stupid. If it would be so easy "just stopping" I would not have already tried it??

You don't need to know WHY in order to deal with your problems.

Yes, in part.
If I had a bad experiences is stupid using them for my present, or at least you have to learn from them.
But if the root is sick, you cannot cure the leafs, because the problem is deepest.
Now, I'm not saying I have "deepest" problem for sure, but i think it's kinda predictable.

Your greatest enjoyment seems to be crying, and to destroy yourself utterly will give you plenty to cry about.

I came here just to understand the faque I'm doing.
I "cry" a lot but it is because the whole story hurts me.
I just wanted a bit of comfort, knowing that I'm not a worm for have treated bad that girl; her ex was a jerk, she found me and I acted like a jerk as well. Then I become morbid about her.
Mostly I always wanted a relationship and when I started to have one i ruined everything

This is a serious problem in my opinion and I want to stop it.
And the answers are always about something that has not anything with it; and "stop crying"
Jesus christ, making clear that my being morbid is not the first time that happen, but if this situation hurts me everytime do i have the right to understand and fix it?

Weird answer, and if I say that I don't catch the sense, the reply is "stop crying". Mbah..
I'm not talking about you Leo, but your post was very close at this case.

Hi Guess What,

Yes, I'm sorry, What I said was hurtful, no doubt. But I compare everything that you say you want -- really, you want a successful relationship with a woman, and then you also want commiserations in all of your sufferings. Well, the two do not coalesce together very well. You know, everybody has problems. Now, yes, in regards to making friends, if you are the one to offer people your insight and commiseration in the sufferings you detect in them, well, good for you. People will appreciate it. But people should not fish for sympathy. there are professional beggars who loudly proclaim all their woes on the street corner while soliciting spare change, but they have a reason. But what you are doing is burdening other people with your problems when, as I said, everybody has problems.

Good, I was worried that you were going to go down that road of taking those extremely horrible serotonin re-uptake inhibitor anti-depressant pills. Don't let anybody talk you into them. I only took them for a few months and they screwed me up for quite a while. Imagine all the people who have been on them for years, and what if something were to happen to the World Economy and all those pills just disappeared. Those people would be reduced to pathetic helplessness, just when their attention would be required by so many other things.

But, really, you should ask if you can get a Psychologist instead of a Psychoanalyst. If anything a psychoanalyst will cater to your weaknesses and tell you all the reasons you should feel sorry for yourself. You really need to just fix this stuff. And that is what a Psychologist could help you do. But I have already written in regards to that.

Good Luck with whatever your treatement is. Again, I am sorry that I was abrupt and rude.

Hi Leo.
Nevermind, It is me, that when I feel i'm attacked or diminished, I go on the defensive.

Yeah, I do not want drugs, I already said to him, but seems like he does not understand if he prescrived me a psychiatric. Well, even if they give them, I will not take them.
Yeah, everybody has problems. So I just stopped talking about them with my friends. Well, for now I don't talk anymore with my best friend, with the others I will give all myself to do not do it.
She's gone, end of the story.
If you ask me, I decided long time ago to turn the page; I was saying "I have been a jerk? Ok, I just have to don't do it again"... but then I fell into it again 'cause I realize that maybe there won't be a next girl (many people are virgin or alone at 30+ years old), and like I said, the others called out this story again. Now I think it is good that I talked about this with my best friend and with you.
Right now I'm in peace. I just think about this night, I will go in disco and trying to have a good night. No alcohool, no fight, just trying with some girls that I already know. If they shoot me down, well, it would not the first time, so ok.
Tonight is gonna be a challenge, to be good and calm; like i feel to be, like I wanna be.

You weren't rude, just i'm trying to say that I'm not "crying" 'cause i want it.
There something that bring me to make the same mistakes everytime; like if I don't learn anything from my bad experience, so I'm asking "Why?" about this.

Reading the first replys I was wondering how can I act in fake to be good if I'm angry. But I think that it will be easy, 'cause I want to be good and I care about others for real.
I have just to learn to do not be rude with whom has not anything to do with my troubles.
I past long time in forum where hating is the first rule. Where the offenses and the fight are the daily bread; where the rule was "just think about yourself".
I think the right way is in the middle.
I have to think about myself, without stepping on who doesn't boring me.
The exception is important, 'cause before I was talking like if I was the only one in wrong, but in the world there are many people that are trying to get you mad, will be rude with you, or will attack you without a goal.

Thanks for the help buddy.

Good Morning,

Wow! You accepted my apology very graciously. That's good. And then you spoke about being committed to changing your social behavior. Well, that has been what I have been waiting for. Oh, but remember, do not go easy only on those who have nothing to do with your problems. You want to have the reputation for being 'easy going' with everybody. That helps you get relationships, and it also helps you get jobs. If you are known to be 'easy going', no matter what, then people won't be afraid of you (in a good way). Now, it also helps to be positively friendly. there was a guy I knew at work who was easy going, but he was also quiet and boring. Well, he did okay with just being easy going, but he could have built on his success by cultivating a good smile, striking up conversations, and listening with interest when people would speak about themselves (a lot of guys don't listen and it must really annoy the girls). Oh, there is something that a lot of people do who do talk, and that is that they are not really listening (when they should be listening they are already thinking about what to say, but, honestly, if you are a practiced conversationalist, when it comes your time to talk, you will not be at a loss for words), and they will jump into another person's story before they are finished and, in effect, change the story to suit themselves... often not realizing how rude they are being because they weren't paying attention. Wow! that's not good! You should always let people finish their stories before you start with your own. But, yes, it is a sign that they were not interested and only cared about themselves. It's not good for their social reputations. I remember I was dating this one blond who was almost quite beautiful... definitely good enough for me... but then I stopped calling her. After a year, I thought that I remembered she had been nice and I wondered why I should not call her again. So I did and we went out to dinner. I was telling a story when she jumped in and started telling her own story without allowing me to finish. THEN I remembered why I had stopped calling her in the first place. So, Guess What, be a good listener, and make follow up comments about the other person's stories, and ask follow up questions. Reflect some of the enthusiasm of the speaker back to them. Really, people appreciate that... they will look forward to seeing you because nobody else seems to care what they say as much as you do.

But, yes, Guess What, you have finally given me some hope in regards to your eventual success. You know, every little success will build your confidence. Oh, there will be setbacks, but work for those little successes that will keep you going.

Good morning, Leo!

You and your test. xD
Yesterday has been a good night, as I wanted. No alcohool, I had fun with my friends without being rude or irritable.
Instead, one of them was really drunk and something more in my opinion, I gave him my help.
And I stayed a bit with a girl too, so it was cool.

Well, now that was just a single night, nothing more, but I feel like it is a first good step and I can take example from it for the future.
There was the girl i talked about, I didn't gave her attention, 'cause I have to give what others want: she doesn't want talk with me; so ok. At least I don't lose anything from doing this; and she acted strange, starting to talking or dancing with every person I was talking with them. I don't want have another mental trip for her (once even she said i had too many of mental trips about her), but let's say that was another girl that let me notice her behaviour, so I think she was acting strange for real. But I don't care, to be honest.
Really, I feel peace right now.
Well, I know my trouble aren't solved yet, but a moment of relax is gold.
Really thanks Leo, honestly -I don't think to be that stupid- but I don't believe that I would have reached this kind of thinking without you.

Now, let me ask something, as usual.

If you are known to be 'easy going'

I would not want that being "easy going" encourages people to have bad or egoistic behaviours with me. Like if "I can ask/do/say/pretend everything from Guess What? Because he is easy going".
When I was in school, there was a bully, and he does whatever he wanted 'cause anybody didn't anything.
Now, we aren't school boys anymore, but people like this still exist, in a different way.

So, Guess What, be a good listener

Yack.. i will try, i have bad habits like interrupting others talking to say stupid things, even if i'm just listening another conversation that is not involving me.
Bad, well, yesterday I did it just for easy chatters, i don't think they now hate me for this and I said sorry for doing that.
Mostly, seems like I don't express myself well, sometimes people missunderstand me, in fact you can see that my replys sometimes are really long to avoid missunderstanding. xD

Good Morning Guess What,

Wow! You must have had a horrible life in school, with bullies and such. but you are not in school anymore. Guess What, did you spend much time at College or the University? The thing people notice about College is that it is obviously not High School, in the sense that bullies almost completely disappear (its not that they don't get into College. Its that they have outgrown being Bullies, and often they believe that they were never bullies, but were only teasing and having fun in a juvenile way. Yes, at High School Reunions many people are surprised to learn that they themselves were the Bullies that everybody dreaded). It seem that bullying is predominantly an adolescent phenomena. Indeed, a great many Counselors in High School who have to deal with demoralized and oppressed students who are very unhappy, well, their advice often includes "just hang in there. All these behaviors that are being inflicted upon you are adolescent behaviors which have a short half-life. College will not be like this. Your Workplace will not be like this. the only thing like a High School is another High School. Time moves inexorably forward, and if you stay strong, this will all become a thing of the past". So, Guess What, you are 22 and all of this adolescent behavior you are still afraid of should have declined down to about nothing by now. Believe me, being Easy Going is the ideal to be striven for. It is the exact opposite of being a Bully. What, are YOU a bully? If you interrupt people to make sneering comments, well, that is not very nice, is it? But, yes, 22 is not 24. If you are still acting like an adolescent when you are 24 then we will need to worry about some serious arrested development.

Oh, a lot of other 'tough guys' think that being polite to everybody makes them look weak. Here, again, we all have to grow up and act like adults. One issue you might have with women is that they may look at your behavior and believe that you are still acting like a teenager. Have you ever noticed that many girls are attracted to older guys? Actually younger men are physically better in every way, so what is it that they like about Older Guys? Well, pay attention to the differences in behavior between young men and guys 5 to 10 years older. The Older Guys are more Easy Going. They are more polite and less loud and obnoxious. They are Grown Ups! Remember, Girls mature before guys. So in order to mature at the same rate as a girl, you would have to mature before all your stupid guy friends, right? So, Guess What, check out the behavior of men ten years older than you and BECOME THAT. Being like your stupid friends would be to hold yourself back.

Oh, thank you very much for mentioning that my advice has helped you. It is great to feel appreciated. Oh, but what about the THUMBS UP 'LIKE' BUTTON on your screen? Is it broken. I have been hovering at 85 Likes for ages now.

Good morning Leo.

Not even old men are always polite.
Anyway it is true, girls go with older men (for money too i guess), but sometimes they go with really mental baby dudes if they are hot.
I never believed to the fact to be mental attracted.
Then I'll reply you better.

Yeah sorry, i didn't even notice the like button. :p

So;
let it be bullies; yeah, I was bullied when i was 14 until 17 I guess, but I was a bully as well before, even know I was 13 or less, so the kind of "guy that was joking" you mentioned.
Who bullied me really beated up people, stole money, breaks door with punch, etc. But I don't want talk about this now.

What i meant is there are people that will want to take too many advantages from my being gentle. This is sure. So i have to watch out and stop myself from being too much easy going with these people.
I don't agree with you in this, I have to try, if then I will do wrong then I will change as you said.

Talking about women, well, I'm too young but women don't say ever the truth. They want the gentle one and then running behind the jerk guy, they want the mature one and then running behind the idiot dude.
Nowadays they are admiting, step by step, that we -men- are at their mercy: https://i.redditmedia.com/EK56yMeh38kwZ ... ba60f99d56

What is scaring me is that the world, slowly, starts to understand this, but the 70% seems is liking the situation.
I don't want a revolt, but equality.

Well, I want just to touch another point: I think -i'm sure- that I'm misoginist. I mean, I don't choose it but people are noticing this in me.
But I think it's a form of frustration, I like girls, but all these refuses in years made me so angry. As I said, I don't even talk with her anymore if they dump me up.
Did I mentioned that 90% of my friends is gay?
I don't look at this thing, but I would not want that they can have a bad influence on me. This is an ugly thing to say, but, hey, just saying; i don't think they influence me anyway.
And I'm talking about the behaviour, not other things xD, 'cause yes, many of gay people (not every single gay, but many) are narcisistic, salty, false friend, etc.
They think that I'm infant, but sweet and kinda of serious in relationships (except for the best friend of the girl ); i think I'm kinda evil sometimes, even when I said to the girl that she stinks, and the next day she attacks me; i replied with "I'm and idiot, but i'm not evil"; what a kind of witheknight doggy, but I think is it ok with the "being gentle" cult, isn'it? Even if i feel so humiliated from her. Do not make me touch this button again, but you know? I think at her sometimes, I think that I did mistakes, I think that maybe she didn't care much. Sometimes i miss her, sometimes i'm angry with her and I imagine that maybe one day we can come back together like in stupid love films. I said this to ask "what is my brain doing?". I take walks everyday kinda, and 5/6 days I think at this situation. Uff, why sometimes i go back wit that damned page that I swear to turn everytime?

But Ok, be gentle and easy going, people never understand this my state, but nevermind. Just hoping that they don't think I do the turncoat; 'cause maybe any sort of my action can betray me.
Is it really in my nature acting like being gentle?
Usually I'm in first times, when i have not confidence and i'm timid with new people, I act like that; but then I reveal the "animal" that I am.

In the end, yeah, it is not cool to interrupt people to make sneering comments, but still, I don't they hate me now or judge me as bad. I don't do it anytime. But I will work on it.
Just hoping that all this "keeping inside" won't feed much stress and anger; we was talking in the first page about the jaw thing, but I didn't catch it well. I mean, anger is mostly a mental thing. Isn't it?

Good Morning Guess What,

Well, I thought some more about my advice in regards to your being ‘easy going’, and then I remembered when I myself was in my early twenties. Yes, my College Crowd had been quite civilized, but when I would come home for the summers I would run around with all of the other “young bucks” where the mentality was something like being in a bandit gang, were being ‘easy going’ was probably not exactly the behavioral model most called for. But being a “young buck” does not last forever, thank God. There is a vast change that occurs as men approach their 30s. So, yes, you get a reprieve on having to be ‘easy going’ this very minute, but do keep it in mind for later. Oh, but while at Work or in School, try to get in practice at being ‘easy going’. In any institutional setting being ‘easy going’ is recommended.

Oh, Gay people are interesting, are they not? Oh, and this means that you yourself must also be interesting, since the gay people do not chase you away. Gay people hate boring. Perhaps you will find that you will learn more about both ‘men’ and ‘women’ by paying attention to gay people, as it seems to me that when gay people model themselves on the effeminate, that they do it better than any woman, because they are obsessed with that behavior and wish to be perfectly consistent with it, while a real woman doesn’t really care. It is the same for gay people who model masculine behavior, that they are more ‘he-man’, in personality than any guy, because they want to do it perfectly. You can learn a lot from gay people.

Now, more about women. I believe that we are moving into a new age of prudery, puritanicalism, and sexual inhibitions. The Sexual Revolution is over (oh, but did I live through Glorious Times, didn’t I?). Now, after the ME TOO Movement guys are treading a virtual mine field if they should pursue any kind of flirtatious behavior. Look at all the men who got into severe trouble in their careers for doing what they had done every day ever since Woodstock in 1969. Women are becoming so humorless. Who can remember a time when women were so less disposed to be agreeable. They think that being congenial makes them appear weak (sound familiar?). It reminds me of how the spinsters of a former age were presented in literature and in the movies – dressed from neck to ankles in frumpy fabric and with knit brows and pursed lips, agitating for Women’s Suffrage or that alcohol be banned – they must have been great fun, huh? But it is like we entering into our future by going back in time.

Oh, another thing that is making relationships so difficult is the vast uncertainty in the Work Force. Couples can’t stay together because one or the other will always have to move to a new city in pursuit of career opportunities. The only cure for that would be to vote for governments that will give us all a Basic Guaranteed Income sufficient enough to live on. We could end this Nomadic uncertainty and we could all move back to communities where we feel most at home, and we could put down roots and all feel as though we belong. As it is now, we move to follow the Work and are treated as invaders wherever we go. Also, if we all did not have to work for a living, then Women would be less likely to see men as ‘the Enemy’ – you know, at work, Women regard men with hostility. They believe that Men are hold them down and the hate us for it. If we were all liberated from this Wage Slavery, then we could all go back to being kind among one another.
Oh, Guess What, thanks for the one ‘LIKE’ but perhaps you should go back and hit ‘LIKE’ on every post except the one in which I insulted you and had to apologize… I did screw up on that one. But all the other ones were ‘likeable’, were they not?

Here your likes,in every reply. Nevermind for the 'rude' one, i put like there too..
Mmh, won't people think that i'm a pander if i am too much gentle?

Then i report a couple of examples:

1. The best friend of the girl always said that i was a good guy. Now he doubt of it and sometimes treat me as an enemy. I think he (they) think that i'm a false person who want to seem good but actually is a beast.

2. If i'm having fun with a girl and this (maybe cause she is drunk, just an esample) says "stop borring me" i can be easy going and say yes;but then she will think that she was on the right side, while maybe i didnt anything of bad or evil

Oh, i don't want to forget about another thing;

where i worked, coworkers are usually capable to take things of others, using them, broking them, and then returning without any interesting in fixing.
I don't think being "easy going" can help there, 'cause people will see you as a weak, that give and do things under orders without saying anything.

I can understand once, twice you can say "here you are, but don't broke it", but at the third time i think it is better to do not give the tool to the coworker.
And this like any other situation with friends with other things. I mean, I liked to do favors to my friends, but then, when I do a mistake they get mad and treat me bad, but maybe i'm a bit touchy.

I hate this and i feel me like submissive.

Anyway, i don't think i'm interesting. But yes, gay dudes are kinda like you said, but for the he-man thing, depend on their role if active or passive.