Fear of self

Hi James, welcome to the forum!

I think this can be quite normal as a passing thought. I know standing in lifts or at interviews I've had the thought of lashing out which seems quite irrational, and lots of people I know have said the same. It's a fight or flight response when we feel threatened in some way. Perhaps you could take a look at this information about panic attacks.

Another aspect of what you've said seems to be about trusting your unconscious mind to do the right thing. At the moment it seems that you are convincing yourself that on some level you will lose control and act out these terrible things. Well so far you haven't and you obviously don't really want to, so you can perhaps rest assure that your unconscious will do the right thing if you are able to control the panic and anxiety. Try out 7/11 breathing as outlined in the above link and this will be a tool you can use to help calm down when you need to. This way you can feel more in control, and make clear logical decisions, which will prevent your emotional brain from taking over.

I hope this helps.

Andy.

Hi James

As Andy says, it really is not unusual to have thoughts like this. Everyone does from time to time, although not everyone will admit to it

Me, when I'm tired or stressed, I sometimes find myself imagining when crossing the road what it would be like to be hit by a car.

Now what's the point of that?

All the best

Roger

Hey, thanks guys.
Thats really helpfull, i've actaully become quite good with dealling with anxiety over the years, i mean it still messes me a around from time to time but i can usually relax myself back to normal pretty quikly. I think the main reason i wanted to get that off my chest is that i hate being affraid. I guess i get scared sometimes that people won't understand the great divied between thinking bad thoughts and acting them out. I hate feeling i have something to hide from the world, i like being really open with my thoughts and till now thats the only part of my mind i've kept hiden. I think one of the things i fear most is having people be affraid of me. I think more and more i've found the best way of freeing myself of my fears is to confront them and accept the concequences. Sometimes i just need to find out for sure whats real and whats anxiety playing tricks with my head. Thanks again, its nice to know that there are people out there who understand.

Hi, thank god I am not alone, for the last few months,like you I thought that I was going mad and that I was going to end up in the nut house!!
Because we have anxiety everything gets blown out of proportion for example what someone may see as a simple passing comment we think about it too much and then you end up having a panic attack.
I use paper and a marker pen to help me!! heres how , write in bold letters
I AM IN CONTROL on several pieces of paper and pin them all round the house! trust me !! if you foucus on these words everyday then it will help.
I have been doing this for the last week and it really does help.
keep in touch.

Yeah, positive re-enforcement is definitely very useful and i use it a lot. Every time i think something negative i instantly force myself to think something positive to counter it. Wether i believe it or not i just think the positive thought and disallow myself to think the negative. I think we're far from alone. I think perhaps for every person who is prepared to be open about these issues there are many more who feel the same way but are afraid. I think a lot of people fear being thought of as crazy so they hide these feelings. I think perhaps we want people to be comfortable around us and if they think we're crazy then perhaps they will be unable to find comfort around us. So most people i think keep these thoughts buried within, hidden from the world for fear of having the people in their lives become distant. Ironically i suspect that those people who have become distant feel the same things but are just unable to deal with it.
I find strength is a rare commodity most people I find need to have the world painted in black and white and like the power trip of passing judgment others. Their are strong people in the world though, people who are comfortable and honest with themselves. People who admit that they are just as capable of any failing as the next person and do not feel the need to highlight the faults of others to divert attention away from their own failings. I'm fortunate in knowing a few and they have help me through some difficult stuff.
It seems the more i talk to people the more it feels like the only thing that puts me in the minority is my willingness to talk about these thoughts.
Having them seems to be pretty wide spread.
Anyway thanks for your reply melody, i always like hearing from strong people.