I Abuse with Words.

I know how you feel, I used to say mean things when I was mad at people I love. You have to remember that words are hurtful. Yeah you can say that they are "just" words but they linger on in the mind of who you are insulting. Try to stop, figure out why you get so angry with him enough to say mean things.

supaloma77 wrote:When my partner and I argue, I always say things i dont mean. Horrible things. sadly. I dont know how to control it. I feel like if i keep doing that, ill eventually push him away. What can i do to control myself and not get so worked up so that I dont say things that I can never take back?

There it is in a nut shell – you let yourself get all worked up. You can be so much calmer if you practice on a regular basis just turning your attention away from things that displease you. You know, the things that you could really learn to tolerate; the things that you could complain about, but then just seem like your being petty and over-critical. When you catch yourself contemplating about how bothersome these things are, well, just turn away from that negativity and think of something else.

Oh, one thing worth trying. Most the time when people are whipping themselves up into a frenzy, they are doing it with profane language – they are either cussing up a storm, or they have a cussing storm going on in their head. Calm people do not swear. They don’t even think that way. You’ll be amazed at how much calmer you actually become simply by limiting your choice of words. I guess it is a bit like forcing yourself to smile… studies show that it actually makes you happier.

And, yes, some things aren’t small or insignificant and you feel justified in your critical and hateful thoughts and hostile and oppositional behaviors. Well, in these circumstances, we only have to refer to what would be the Best Working Strategies for Getting what we Want out of the Situation. And here, again, the best working plan for not just you, but for everybody involved is to be calm. Let everybody else communicate. Listen. Calmly present your viewpoint. Now, yes, all of that does not come easy. We have a way we think and behave and it comes from habit. To change our lives, we must change our habits. That takes a lot of thought and a lot of practice. But to make a resolution to Change, well, that would be a good start.

Oh, forgive me, but I just answered a post a few hours ago and I recommended a few good books. Please allow me to Cut and Paste without it being construed as being dismissive of you.

“People have more control over their lives than they generally believe possible. Usually the lacking quantity is Attention and Focus. People work on their problems for a day or two and then get drawn away by other priorities. You need to simply stay with this Anger problem. The best way I have found to do that is to read from almost any anger management book daily. It will keep you focused on the idea of anger as a problem that you have. Of course, better books are preferable to books that are worse, and below I point you to some books that I have found helpful.

books I would recommend:

One book I recommend, because I found I gave it a splendid review on Amazon is “Angry All The Time: An Emergency Guide to Anger Control” by Ronald Potter-Efron (my review is on the 3rd page of the 5 Stars). I had said that it is the one book most likely to bring anybody back ‘from the edge’.

You might want to start by reading a book: – “Cognitive and Dialectical Therapy Unleashed”, by James Ashley. It’s a good little affordable book that will tell about Cognitive Behavior Therapy – how to change your thinking in order to change your behavior.

One of my favorite anger management books: Peter Favaro "Anger Management". I read it through over twice now, and he seems to keep his ideas organized better than most people in the anger management field.

wow, thank you it makes sense

Thanks for the recommended books. Will give some time to read them.

Nice Post. I have also habit from childhood to abuse others when i get angry on others. But gradually i have overcome on this. Really guys, it is very bad habit. We don't have right to abuse others.