destructive thought patterns

**Posts:** 105 · by **mute** » Sat Apr 25, 2020 8:43 pm

backstory
as im researching more about empaths and how generally we put everyone else first and ourselves last
also usually have low self esteem and self love and confidence and the whole package
also feeling guilt for taking care of my own needs or being better than others etc

I was browsing craigslist and out of nowhere a thought came up to check for messages from a girl that I hooked up a while ago.
even though I know she wont message me
I still check
so now I thought about why do I follow through with this negative pattern even though I know where it will lead
I still have a lot of those urges that I know will end up in negative feelings or sadness is I follow through with it
but usually I do it anyway

now, considering that our brain does everything to our own benefit, what benefit could I possibly get out of these patterns that make me feel sadness and add to stress and add to negative feelings in general.

there must be some benefit that I am getting from this but I just don't remember much about this topic.
I read about it like 10 years ago but at that time it was not relevant since I didn't have the understanding I have now.

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Sun Apr 26, 2020 9:10 am

I guess you ended up separating from your wife?

**Posts:** 105 · by **mute** » Sun Apr 26, 2020 11:21 pm

yep.finally

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Mon Apr 27, 2020 8:54 am

mute wrote:I thought about why do I follow through with this negative pattern even though I know where it will lead

Because you need to love yourself instead of looking for someone else to love you.

The world will treat you as you treat yourself. The missing person in your life is you.

**Posts:** 105 · by **mute** » Thu Apr 30, 2020 5:41 am

how do I figure out the reason why I don't love myself?

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Thu Apr 30, 2020 7:07 am

You don't need to figure out the reason, you just have to love yourself now and from this day forward. https://www.healyourlife.com/how-to-lov ... -easy-ways

**Posts:** 105 · by **mute** » Fri May 01, 2020 3:21 am

easier said than done.
especially when you hav spent entire life creating patterns of self harm and you don't have many positive anchors to use to pull yourself out

finding the cause for me at least would mean a solid thread to eliminate the issue altogether.
that's how my brain works
the ussies I worked out usually when I found the cause. or at least what I remember to be the cause of the problem

with this I cant even find anything close

**Posts:** 105 · by **mute** » Fri May 01, 2020 3:22 am

all im doing right now is uncovering more and more negative patterns and realizing that I don't have any positive ones to counteract this with

**Posts:** 9885 · by **Candid** » Fri May 01, 2020 6:53 am

mute wrote:finding the cause for me at least would mean a solid thread to eliminate the issue altogether.

Okay, I wasn't going to say this to you, but long-standing unhappiness with no apparent cause usually goes back to how you were treated by your parents when you were just starting out in life. Maybe they let you know about everything you did wrong but didn't think to mention when you did things right. Maybe they were troubled themselves and took it out on you.

Seems like you would be the best judge of the way you were raised, but until you start school (and often for a long time afterwards) you have literally no comparison with your caregivers. You had no way of decising whether they were right or wrong about you, you simply accepted that they knew better than you did.

mute wrote:all im doing right now is uncovering more and more negative patterns and realizing that I don't have any positive ones to counteract this with

The most obvious things are diet and exercise, both of which are easy to research if you're clueless.

Under-the-radar stuff is the way you habitually think about yourself. Do you consider yourself a good person or a bad one, or something in between? If you don't know, make a list of your good qualities and another list of your bad ones. Which list is longer? Which was harder to write?

**Posts:** 1 · by **Inner-Affirmations** » Sat May 09, 2020 1:34 pm

You have to learn to love yourself first before someone else

**Posts:** 105 · by **mute** » Sat May 23, 2020 7:56 am

I conside myself somewhat evil. but I feel ok with that.
but I feel like I was forced to be good which is unnatural so I feel the demons rattle the cage and im scared if I let them out It will be very very bad.
If you read my replies to people I can be rather direct
and that's how I am with myself also.
theres so much from my childhood that today would be considered very bad but it was normal back thenn and I don't remember any instance that stands out as traumatic,

BUT. I might not remember it because I have a complete blackout from about 6 to 10 years old.
so I cant even recall what happened in those years. because that's when I changed
whatever it is it started when I was around 5-6 maybe 7 years old

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