the overwhelming feelings of guilt that do not make any sense ... to convincing myself that I had done really bad things in the past. I have been coping with OCD, depression and anxiety for about 5 years now. I have been on several different meds but am currently on Paxil. I woke up one morning about a year ago and all of the sudden realized everything was ok. I felt great and healed all of the sudden! Life was good again and things were in focus. I was living it up and enjoying things all over again. Only recently have things started to creep back in my life. i have been married to my high school sweetheart for 4 years now and we just had our first child. I have a good job, some really great friends and even started to break into my dream of becoming an actor. Things are really looking well for me and my family. Then w/out reason or cause .. I was on my way home listening to talk radio , when a relatioship counselor began talking to people about failed marriages. People were calling in with stories of divorce, cheating and marriage breakdowns. All of the sudden I became really depressed. I began to feel like all marriages would eventually end in divorce. It felt like no matter what that divorce would always be inevitable. This scared me very much. My wife and I have a great relationship and are loving being new parents. This didn't really seem to matter .. it all felt like it would someday end. My parents divorced when I was in 9th grade. It devistated me b/c the marriage seemed perfect! All I knew was that something that seemed perfect could end seemingly over night. My parents wanted to discuss details with me but I told them I didn't want to know. I still don't want to know. I am worried that the reasons may ruin my image of them I guess. When I got home I told my wife about my episode, and she consoled me. I felt better. Yesterday, I got depressed again .. I have no idea why. I was getting bored and all of the sudden it turned to depression. Then I started to beat myself up b/c I was thinking that i was a bad father b/c I was letting all of this come back into my life and what kind of a father would do that!? I can't help it , and I hate that about myself. I pray every night that my son isn't inflicted with the same handicap as myself. The guilt I put on myself for reasons that don't even exist is incredible. How do I stop these feelings?? Also , I get bad thoughts sometimes. Things pop into my head that shouldn't. I am the type of person that would not hurt a fly , however I have really brief thoughts of hurting someone. The thoughts disgust me and I would never act on them .. I always feel guilty about them though. There seems to be nothing I can do about them. I am scared to tell anyone b/c I would be mortified if anyone took it the wrong way or was scared by the fact. Does anyone else have these problems?
God Bless