Hi, I have an issue and I'm just seeking some advice about my relationship.
I have autism and have some anxiety and depression, and some other disabilities.
So, I'm going to try and make this as brief as possible whilst staying as anonymous as possible
My mum and dad split up when I was little, I wasn't 3 yet. According to my mum, I did not see him for quite a while, then I started to see him on the weekends. Let's just say I HATED it more than anything, I would kick and scream until I was sick. My dad found a new wife during this time and we got along fine but I remember her treating me extremely badly sometimes but other days fine as rain. She would lock me in cupboards which i remember clearly even though i have a very bad memory Scream at me, and not talk to me, make me stand up and not allowed to sit down, and she just wasn't pleasant at times, she would even not include me in certain things when my father wasn't there, not let me feed my baby sister or play with her, forget to make me breakfast when I couldn't make it myself and treat me viciously. I also remember telling my mum when I was around 6 that she hit me, and before I woke up when my Dad left for work I would pray in bed she would treat me better and that I could just go home to where I was loved. Due to this, I have been diagnosed with PTSD, and as an adult am still scared of her. This would happen when I went up on summer vacations, for about two weeks. My dad was often working so it was just her with me.
It carried on for a while, and I started seeing them less as I got older. I don't see them as much now as I'm an adult, but I have other problems now.
It's with my father.
He has been off and on contacting me for the past year or so. I saw them the other month but haven't heard from them since, only very blunt texts. He does not care to message me or call me. I struggle with calling on the phone so I tend to prefer to text to ask if he is okay, but sometimes he won't reply, sometimes he will. It doesn't seem like he is interested in me, it has not seemed that way for a long time. I have a lot of worries when it comes to them, I can't pinpoint why but I'm guessing it was from the abuse, that he never helped me with when I was a child. I have an amazing mother and a longterm boyfriend, I am a full-time student and I'm trying to sort my carer out in medical nursing, whilst sorting out my own issues with my mental health along with physical. My mother is also very poorly. In a nutshell, all my PTSD, and anxiety is linked to them. Should I cut them out my life, or carrying on talking to them/seeing them and keep having all these issues which aren't improving? I can't even bear to hear a phone ringing as I get worries it's them, I don't go on my phone for days as I'm too worried, I have nightmares regarding them even. I'm really stuck on what to do, and what's best for myself at this time.
Thank you