Boyfriend cruising Craigslist and Dating sites

**Posts:** 48 · by **waitingtosee** » Thu Mar 06, 2014 2:26 am

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half and we have had our ups and downs throughout. I recently used his computer and found out that he has an account on a dating site and he was looking at casual encounters on craigslist.

He did not have a good explanation for me, and I really don't know the extent of his involvement in these things. He claims that he was looking at pictures on Craigslist, and that he just wanted to see what is out there on the dating sites. I watched him delete his account, but I know he can just reactivate it when I am not around.

He says he is insecure and he did not elaborate. Based on that, I have looked on the internet and found that people with low self esteems sometimes look on these sites to have their ego boosted. My concern is that I don't know if he has taken this to the next level. I checked the site and he did not have any messages, but he may have deleted them from somewhere else while I was on his computer.

I have problems with it because of our age difference. I am more than 10 years older than him, and he was looking at girls younger than he is. I just can't compete with that. Nice, young, fit girls who want nothing more than sex.

He says he loves me, and he let me go through his phone text messages, pictures, emails, everything. The only thing I found was a picture of 2 girls kissing that he claims was years ago. He could be lying about that too. My trust in him has been damaged, and I am imagining the worst situations with everything. It does seem that I am the one who is worrying about this, while he just wants everything to be "normal".

Is this something you have dealt with? Can you get past it, without knowing the truth about everything?

I admit that I have looked too when we were fighting, but I never actually set up an account. Things have not been perfect between us and we both feel the distance as it is somewhat long distance.

**Posts:** 32 · by **Therapy2014** » Sat Mar 08, 2014 1:09 pm

Hello,

That sounds like such an unpleasant discovery! I can understand why you feel the trust between you both may be damaged somewhat as it is only natural when you feel threatened by your partner's desire for other people. It sounds like you may need to talk to him openly and tell him exactly how you feel and that it has made you feel insecure. He has to be honest, it isn't fair for him to visit these sites whilst in a relationship with you, long-distance or short-distance - that is irrelevant but what is relevant is his commitment to you. Be entirely honest with him and see if you can work forwards.

You can't entirely know everything about a person but I do think this is something you can move forward from. However, you both have to be honest with one another and you both have to be clear on the relationship boundaries.

**Posts:** 852 · by **ellla** » Sun Mar 16, 2014 1:06 pm

waitingtosee wrote:I admit that I have looked too when we were fighting, but I never actually set up an account. Things have not been perfect between us and we both feel the distance as it is somewhat long distance.

Your answer lies here.

You have only been dating a year which long enough to know how serious you are about each other ..and short enough so that neither of you should be bored and looking elsewhere :roll:

While its possible that there may just be a 'fantasy element' ..and nothing more attached to his looking. You then need to go beyond this reason and look closely at the type of profiles he is interested in ..and of course those that you look at.

This should give you a clue to what he feels is ultimately missing in his life ..& of course your relationship. There is no hard & fast rule which dictates he cannot be content with you.

If I were you I would wonder - & vice versa (because you cruise profiles too) just how long we could remain content and committed. Cruising profiles is not the behaviour of someone who is satisfied or for-filled in their current relationship or marriage.

Is your relationship 'Long Term Material'? This is the question you need to examine.

**Posts:** 4407 · by **thefool** » Mon Mar 17, 2014 2:13 am

Hows the sex? Is he getting what he wants/needs?

An unsatisfying sex-life is always a downer on a relationship, and in in many many cases people go look for satisfaction "elsewhere"... sometimes in open agreement with their partners, and sometimes not.

Really if you feel that at any time either one of you has had to reject the other fairly frequently, there's probably some frustration building up... talk about it, see what's possible, and what's not.

It's just one of those things that don't go automatically in a relationship.

Age differences are hardly ever an issue, unless it's at crucial age transitions, or there are external forces at work (family, friends, etc).

**Posts:** 1 · by **belle15** » Thu Apr 28, 2016 10:00 am

I needed a new phone and the guy I have been dating off and on for awhile was fixing to pull up phones and I saw POF log in. I wasn't sure so he looked up something else for me and it popped up again. This last time things seemed really good since we got together. The reason I didn't say anything I have an account, although until today had not looked at it in a long time. So If I confronted him I knew it would be that I had one. We also are planning our first trip together this weekend. His suggestion. So I haven't said anything. I did look at his account through mine, so I know he knows I looked. Which I really don't care about that. The next thing I did was to be the bigger person and deleted my account. We originally broke up because his son doesn't like me and mine doesn't like him. However, I felt they were grown and didn't need their permission. He thought since he lost one son by MVA, that he couldn't bear to lose another one. The longest we have been apart has been about 60 days. I still plan to go on this trip with him this weekend. call it crazy, I want to see how it goes. When we had parted before, I was so upset ...no devastated would be the better word. Right now, I am not devastated...actually, more like I feel okay with or without him. My daughter states she knows he loves me...because He lights up everytime he sees me. I am not so sure. There has been no great confrontation. We haven't talked since yesterday..so there maybe one today. My reaction so surprises me. It is not for the lack of me being asked out...I mean I can date others I have chosen not too. What should I do?

**Posts:** 10 · by **BrianDorsey** » Sun May 13, 2018 2:47 am

I'd like to recommend resources, but I can't do that unfortunately.

**Posts:** 11 · by **Marriedinbenton** » Wed May 23, 2018 2:40 pm

My wife has been on these sites for years. When I catch her at it she says it’s not cheating. She hides the messages by creating numerous email accounts. Her reason for doing it she claims is cause I get angry when she says it’s not cheating and yell go ahead so she doea

**Posts:** 11 · by **Marriedinbenton** » Wed May 23, 2018 3:22 pm

What ab a young woman doing this is it same for them as for men

Boyfriend cruising Craigslist and Dating sites

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