Little sister beat me up, had panic attack

**Posts:** 4 · by **needhelp2** » Wed Oct 25, 2017 8:23 pm

I'm 19 years old and my little sister is 11. I have anorexia and am 6'1, 115lbs. She's 5'0, 75lbs. Wasn't sure if I'm allowed to post a pic of us, so I just left it.

Anyway, my sister likes to have play fights with me and it's usually in good fun. The last play fight however turned vicious. She wrapped her thighs around my waist and squeezed hard. I submitted but she said she wouldn't let go until I said that "I was her b*tch". So I just say it, but she wants me to repeat another thing. She now wants me to say that "the only girl I can get is an ugly retard" referring to my autistic girlfriend. I reluctantly say this but she still won't let go.

Eventually I can't breathe, get a panic attack and then wet myself. I've only ever had 2 panic attacks before (exams) and have never urinated. I've never been so embarrassed in my life, I can't even look her in the eye anymore. I get panicky around her, how do I control this? Also, does this make her stronger than me? I don't believe she can be at such a young age. I just want to be normal.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 1:23 pm

Go tell on her to your parents.

The reason for the above, very straightforward advice is that regardless of your chronological age, your mental age, i.e. your thought process is of someone much younger. That is not a good or bad thing, it just is.

Go tell your parents and then ask your parents to enroll you in a self defense class and get a gym membership, etc. This is not so you can learn to “fight”. It is to build your low self esteem and your ability to defend yourself should the occasion arise. The next time it may not be someone as gentle and kind as a sibling.

**Posts:** 4 · by **needhelp2** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:21 pm

I don't know how you came to the conclusion that I'm immature. Is it because I agreed to play fight her? It's just something me, my brother and sister do. It's (usually) fun and we don't really bond over much else.

Or am I immature for being embarrassed? I mean, it's pretty embarrassing! This is a human response to that, I'm not sure many other people would feel differently in my situation.

"Gentle and kind as a sibling". Are you serious? Did you not hear the things she did? She's a little sociopath. The whole thing was just about her trying to make me acknowledge her superiority. Even when she achieved this, she still continued hurting me. There was no empathy or remorse, when I wet myself she started laughing. She didn't let go for maybe a whole minute afterwards, just mocking me. And ever since she's still trying to boss me around. I'm tired of people not taking it seriously because of her age, she should go to therapy for this it was sadistic.

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:48 pm

needhelp2 wrote:I don't know how you came to the conclusion that I'm immature.

I didn't state that you are immature as in some immutable trait. I am saying that your thought process currently lacks in maturity for that of a 19 year old, chronologically speaking. Most 19 year males have developed both the mental and physical capacity to easily handle an 11 year old female if necessary. Why haven't you?

I don't want to assume, but I'm going to put forth the proposition that your current level of maturity was probably less the result of interactions with your peer group growing up, and more a result of a deficiency of parenting abilities in your home. While unfortunate, at 19 it still begs the questions, "Why haven't you," and, "Moving forward, what will you do to develop those abilities"?

**Posts:** 4 · by **needhelp2** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 8:13 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote: I didn't state that you are immature as in some immutable trait. I am saying that your thought process currently lacks in maturity for that of a 19 year old, chronologically speaking. Most 19 year males have developed both the mental and physical capacity to easily handle an 11 year old female if necessary. Why haven't you?

I don't want to assume, but I'm going to put forth the proposition that your current level of maturity was probably less the result of interactions with your peer group growing up, and more a result of a deficiency of parenting abilities in your home. While unfortunate, at 19 it still begs the questions, "Why haven't you," and, "Moving forward, what will you do to develop those abilities"?

Well physically, I have anorexia which has made me quite weak. She's skinny too though and I weigh quite a lot more than her, so anorexia feels like an excuse. We've had play fights before and she's won every time, I think she's probably more muscular to be honest. Her thighs looked to be bigger than my waist. I'm trying to gain weight, I'm making some progress but it's not going to happen fast.

Mentally, I don't know. I shouldn't have repeated her insults, I guess I thought that if I do what she says then it would be okay. And then the business of the panic attack, I just couldn't raise my chest up and down anymore. When I opened my mouth, there was no air. The pain was too much and I panicked. I'm disappointed by how much power I let her have, I really need to improve mentally because it was pathetic. I don't know how though, she's still trying to boss me around and I'm complying. I guess it is immaturity on my part.

How do you recommend me developing these abilities?

**Posts:** 12131 · by **Richard@DecisionSkills** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 9:22 pm

needhelp2 wrote: I'm trying to gain weight, I'm making some progress but it's not going to happen fast.

The same as you believe gaining weight won't happen fast, the same will most likely and in some cases reasonably hold true for other areas in your life, such as being able to learn how to defend yourself. Things can take time. They also take deliberate effort.

How do you recommend me developing these abilities?

In my very first post, I recommended you begin taking a self-defense course. I explained the reasons for taking such a course. Is there some reason you do not wish to be capable of defending yourself?

Abilities are learned. You learn how to defend yourself, you learn how to be more self-confident, you learn how to eat healthy. Learning doesn't happen overnight. It takes time to scaffold your progress, developing the skills, knowledge, and attitudes necessary to execute a particular ability successfully.

**Posts:** 4 · by **needhelp2** » Thu Oct 26, 2017 10:28 pm

Richard@DecisionSkills wrote: In my very first post, I recommended you begin taking a self-defense course. I explained the reasons for taking such a course. Is there some reason you do not wish to be capable of defending yourself?

Abilities are learned. You learn how to defend yourself, you learn how to be more self-confident, you learn how to eat healthy. Learning doesn't happen overnight. It takes time to scaffold your progress, developing the skills, knowledge, and attitudes necessary to execute a particular ability successfully.

It would probably take around 6 months until I can confidently defend myself against her, my brother did Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for a couple of months (he's 13) and he's never beaten her in a play fight either. What do I do during the 6 months? Today we were having breakfast together, when my parents left she took my sausages off my plate and put it on hers. I didn't do anything about it, I know it seems minor but these things can escalate. I'm not going to spend 6 months getting bossed around by her.

I think maybe a fresh start is what I need, to finally move out forget about my family for a bit. And maybe I can recommend child therapy to my parents for her aggression, because at this rate she's going to grow up to be a narcissist. Her ego is through the roof.

Thanks for the help by the way.

Little sister beat me up, had panic attack

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