I get angry (frustrated) when I have to repeat myself

I find I get angry (in a frustrated way, not physically threatening) when I have to repeat myself several times. This happens most commonly with my wife due to she is the person I spend the most time with.

Although this is an occasional reoccurring issue, I will provide a specific example as it has just occurred so I can provide the most accurate account. We are buying furniture, the furniture store requires a bank transfer down payment on large orders to confirm delivery (that or i would have to travel very far to pay in person). The furniture store does not accept from the bank where my money is deposited so I planned to take the money out and deposit it into her account at another bank (account in her name only) to send the money.

The confusion started as I felt she needed to be with me to send the money out of her account to the furniture store. She felt i could do it myself. I am not from her country, so not familiar with the banking system here, but it seems obvious I can not send out money from an account not in my name (previously they have refused to even tell me the account balance).

I kept asking how would i be allowed to send the money from her account without her? In a attempt to locate the cause of confusion I broke it down into 3 steps/questions.

1. Am I withdrawing my money from Bank A?
Answer: yes

2. Am I depositing the money in your account in Bank B?
Answer: yes

3. How will I be allowed to transfer the money from Bank B (not in my name) to the furniture store.
Answer: No direct answer/response other than implying I can do it myself.

We went in this 3 question circle at least 5 times, realistically upwards of 10. This question circle came after discussing the issue in other words repeatedly already. My voice raising each time. I am not full out yelling and not swearing, but clearly talking much louder than at the beginning of the conversation due to my frustration.

I was finally able to determine the answer to question #2 was "No" not "Yes". I would not have to deposit the money into her account for the bank to make the transfer. She did not say this, I had to ask her that directly.

Upon determining the confusion I asked her how could I have made what I was asking more clear so I can better communicate with her in the future. She walked away. A few minutes later I approached her to ask (calmly) if I sometimes talk to fast or mumble (things others have accused me of in the past) or if she ever has a issue hearing the words I speak. She rolled over in bed and has not talked to me since...

It seems to effect /upset her a lot when i get frustrated with her. I find it hard to control as I have never liked to repeat myself, let alone simple questions over and over again.

She also has a frustrating habit of at times not responding at all to my questions. Simple yes or no questions at times do not even receive acknowledgement and I repeat myself, usually louder each time. She had said she would work on that and I will work on controlling my frustration.

I have just been reading up on anger and frustration management. Some of what I read says expressing in an assertive way is one of the most healthy ways to express anger. and frustration. I feel this is at least similar to what I naturally do. I do not swear, I do not threaten physical harm (either verbally or with physical action) and I do not full out yell or scream. My voice does get louder and has clear signs of frustration in it.

At times I realize what is happening and I scale back the tone/volume of my voice but then continuing to have to repeat myself quickly brings back the same tone.

I have yelled at her twice and do know the difference. Once 2 years ago when she did something I found personally embarrassing. I tried to walk away before I did, she followed me downstairs not leaving me alone and I snapped on her (verbally not physically.) The 2nd time (more like 3 times within 2 days) was about a year ago and was caused by me finding out she was talking to her ex behind my back and other lies about him.

I am looking for 3rd party opinions so I can get different perspectives in hopes it will aid me in focusing on what part of the anger and frustration management readings I have been doing best apply to me.

A little history about myself, I used to have a very passive personality that I felt in the past has led me to be taken advantage of and eventually caused large out bursts of anger and depression. I find in the last few years I am much more likely to just speak my mind.

Thank you for any input