Like with many others who have experienced long periods of depression, I feel like many years of my life have been wasted. Mainly because I was too afraid to step into the real world and face it head on. For 10 years, from the age of 21 to 31, I hid away from the world. I studied and obtained 3 degrees. This was this so that I didn't have to step into the work environment.
My brother, who in my opinion is a bit coocoos as well, later became fed up with me staying with him and not doing much in the form of making money. He wanted me out and that was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. An opportunity came along and I was forced to move far away from home. I was set up with a place to stay and a job. I did admin and sales. I learned a lot, but because of social anxiety at the time, I found it hard to make new friends even I loved the city i was living in. The business I worked for closed down, but the new company that opened up took me in without as much as an interview. I did good work for them but became increasingly lonely and unhappy to the point of tears. I decided to move back home and my other brother and his wife took me in. They have to toddlers one of which is autistic. They are happy with me there because it makes the weight of dealing with home life easier. I assist in raising and helping with the kids as a form of paying rent.
After a month of being unemployed my former boss and now one of my best friends organised me another job. Because he was familiar with my work ethic, I just needed to prove myself to the other board members. After three months of working half days, I was given a management position. At 30 years old I was basicly given the first chance to better my life financially. My brother and I are looking for a place to buy so that we can rent it out. In a years time I'll have saved enough money to buy a decent car cash.
My problem is this, I'm 31 years old, living with family, driving a crappy car that repels woman. I'm not at the same level as the woman my age, and too old for the woman that are at my level of living and income. I've joined a datingwebsite and formed wonderful online relationships with two different woman (not at the same time). Both knew about my situation and both were full of fire about meeting me. We formed awesome connections, but after the first dates, things just seem to fall apart. The sexy messages stopped and they didn't seemed that into things anymore.
I don't know, it just makes me feel like im undateable at the moment. It is not like I have much privacy at home or have a cool car to take the girl out in. I know this shouldn't really matter. The girl should have her own car, money, job etc etc in anycase. The reason why she should be with me, is to have me. I guess I just feel ashamed of my life up to this point. Im good now and I feel good about my work situation. I just wished I would have given myself a chance earlier in life. What a waste. Who would want to date me now. I'm paying the price of a lonely depressed life and it will be a year or two until im at a point where I can feel good enough for someone special. Wish it wasn't that long though.