Hello *waves*
I can't say for sure that I am depessed myself, though recently I have been getting a lot of the symptoms of it over the past few weeks. I am a little shy and don't want to bother a counciller so this site is great for me.
I'm mainly worried for my friends. I am the sort of person who attracts seemingly normal people and when I get to know them more I find that they have something very wrong with them.
I have too many suicidal friends, some with clinical depression and see consultants, my own girl-friend has attempted suicide. A lot of my friends have self-harm issues. Bullying is common. And a certain close friend is a pyromanic.
Confession time: I am a bit pyro myself, releaves stress and anger. I used to self harm but I managed to get through it with help from friends.
I think the main reason my friends tell me their problems is that (without being too modest) I am generally a nice person and will drop anything to talk to someone or be a shoulder to cry on.
But I have problems dealing with my friends. Just starting AS Level I have found it difficult to drop my work to help someone. And there is the issue of pain moving, I think now that whenever I talk to someone and relieve them of pain temperarilly I take their pain on myself. I can go back to self harm just so I know and can see where the pain is coming from. I can spend some nights not sleeping because I am too busy shedding tears, I lie and say I haven't cried since I was in Primary school but really its not uncommon for me to let it out once or twice a week.
Not even my friends know about me like this, people say 'don't keep it bottled up' but I have no idea where to turn my anger to if I can't find something I'm allowed to burn or destroy. I don't want my parents to know anything.
Just wondering if you can help me with issues about dealing with problems.
Sky
16
Depression and other issues
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by Roger Elliott » Thu Sep 18, 2003 7:33 am
Hi Sky
A big welcome to the forum, and thank you for your courage in posting.
It does seem like you are the sort of person the world needs more of - someone is who concerned about others and who is able to listen when they need help.
However, part of your responsibility as a good person is to yourself. Throughout your life you will be called upon to help people who are unable to help themselves, and so you must think of how to keep yourself happy and well so you are able to do this.
This is your first priority as it will give you the strength to help others. As therapists, I'm sure plenty people here understand how you have to learn how to listen to other people without taking on their pain yourself - it is not always easy, but no-one can help everyone, and the best way to help anyone is to stay 'outside' of their problem whilst providing a caring ear. That way you are better able to see possible solutions if they exist.
Another piece of self-management that therapists have to actively pursue is mixing with people who are 'normal' (whatever that means
). If all you see all day is people who are having problems, you can quickly come to think that's the way the whole world is. We all (throughout life) need to be around people who give us a lift too.
If you are angry, perhaps you would like to tell us what you are angry about. Anger can be a powerful motivating force, but only if it leads to action, otherwise it just eats up energy.
There is a strong link between the sort of thinking that 'internal anger' can make you do and depression, which may explain why you are feeling depressed just now.
I recommend you go along when you have got a few minutes (or half an hour!) and take a look at our Depression learning path: Clinical Depression
It would also be good to know what you do that you really enjoy Sky? How do you relax and forget about the stress of exams, friends' problems and such?
It looks like you have been cast in the role of therapist at this time in your life. Later on your experiences will make you so much more capable and mature than people who haven't seen and experienced those sorts of things.
As they say, a tree that has lived through storms is stronger than one that has been grown in a glasshouse.
Best wishes
Roger
A big welcome to the forum, and thank you for your courage in posting.
It does seem like you are the sort of person the world needs more of - someone is who concerned about others and who is able to listen when they need help.
However, part of your responsibility as a good person is to yourself. Throughout your life you will be called upon to help people who are unable to help themselves, and so you must think of how to keep yourself happy and well so you are able to do this.
This is your first priority as it will give you the strength to help others. As therapists, I'm sure plenty people here understand how you have to learn how to listen to other people without taking on their pain yourself - it is not always easy, but no-one can help everyone, and the best way to help anyone is to stay 'outside' of their problem whilst providing a caring ear. That way you are better able to see possible solutions if they exist.
Another piece of self-management that therapists have to actively pursue is mixing with people who are 'normal' (whatever that means
). If all you see all day is people who are having problems, you can quickly come to think that's the way the whole world is. We all (throughout life) need to be around people who give us a lift too.
If you are angry, perhaps you would like to tell us what you are angry about. Anger can be a powerful motivating force, but only if it leads to action, otherwise it just eats up energy.
There is a strong link between the sort of thinking that 'internal anger' can make you do and depression, which may explain why you are feeling depressed just now.
I recommend you go along when you have got a few minutes (or half an hour!) and take a look at our Depression learning path: Clinical Depression
It would also be good to know what you do that you really enjoy Sky? How do you relax and forget about the stress of exams, friends' problems and such?
It looks like you have been cast in the role of therapist at this time in your life. Later on your experiences will make you so much more capable and mature than people who haven't seen and experienced those sorts of things.
As they say, a tree that has lived through storms is stronger than one that has been grown in a glasshouse.
Best wishes
Roger
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by Mark Tyrrell » Thu Sep 18, 2003 10:39 am
Depression and other issues
Hello Sky wellcome to the forum! It's good to have you on board. Sounds like you are naturally gifted with people if so many feel they can unburden their troubles onto you.
I second what Roger said that you need to take care of youreself also. We can only be truly effective for others if we are fit and able to do so which means having your needs met in life. When you get a chance take a look at the article on the seven basic needs. Use it as a check list.
Basic Needs
Are your needs being met currently and if not what could you do to introduce into your life ways to get these needs met healthily. When human needs aren't met in constructive ways we may instinctively attempt to get them met in ways which actually damage. So the universal need for comfort, relief etc may be met through self harm....rather than through a non-damaging way. The need is then catered for but the consequences cause other problems. Setting fire to things may meet needs such as the need for stimulation, excitement or release however the possible consequences are of course fatal. So rather than blaming what we see as 'wrong' we need to see what needs are not being met in the life of individuals and societies and seek to get those needs met.
Can I ask you Sky what kinds of things you set fire to and what the consequences of this have been up to this point? Once again Sky thanks for being so brave as to share your experiences.
Hello Sky wellcome to the forum! It's good to have you on board. Sounds like you are naturally gifted with people if so many feel they can unburden their troubles onto you.
I second what Roger said that you need to take care of youreself also. We can only be truly effective for others if we are fit and able to do so which means having your needs met in life. When you get a chance take a look at the article on the seven basic needs. Use it as a check list.
Basic Needs
Are your needs being met currently and if not what could you do to introduce into your life ways to get these needs met healthily. When human needs aren't met in constructive ways we may instinctively attempt to get them met in ways which actually damage. So the universal need for comfort, relief etc may be met through self harm....rather than through a non-damaging way. The need is then catered for but the consequences cause other problems. Setting fire to things may meet needs such as the need for stimulation, excitement or release however the possible consequences are of course fatal. So rather than blaming what we see as 'wrong' we need to see what needs are not being met in the life of individuals and societies and seek to get those needs met.
Can I ask you Sky what kinds of things you set fire to and what the consequences of this have been up to this point? Once again Sky thanks for being so brave as to share your experiences.
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by Sky » Thu Sep 18, 2003 3:11 pm
Thanks for the links, I've spent a few minutes looking over them, I'll go through them in more detail when I have time. I was orignially on the first one when I found this site. Its more comfortable to me as I would hate letting parents know or wasting a councilers time.
If I knew for certain I would say, I guess its just teen rebellion or something insignificant. I tend to go into fast changing moods, snapping at some really small things or making a huge deal over nothing at all. Then my mood might change and I feel guilty about it. Other times I get annoyed but, not angry, at things I have strong emotions to: usually towards damaging the enviornment and other issues I take to heart.
Sometimes you can just wake up angry.
Small things. If I can get an old piece of furnature I will save it for a bonfire. I love Fireworks night.
I love Pringles and Hob Nobs (great buscuits...), the containors they come in are perfect for me, I can safely have paper or card and then when it gets too far up I can drop it into the tin and let it set alight to other paper scraps then to stop the smoke from stinking the house and letting residents know I've been at the lighters I trap it in with the lid (also snubs it out) and then release it outside.
I like insence as well, partly to stop the house smelling. And my cubboards are filled with candles. I just like the flames really, they are interesting. I used to pain pictures of fire but I stopped when I dropped art.
I have various methods. I'm not essentially a computer person as in I understand RAM and DOS but internet related stuff I have a slight dab hand at. I enjoy online games.
Roleplay too, a fair number of my friends I take with me to roleplay clubs on fridays and during the weekends if I can. Seems sad and people get bullied for it but no one needs to know and its a great way to jump into someone elses life. A lot of things I do I escape from my own life.
I listen to music, more so since this started, more now than ever. I used to do a lot of sports but don't have the energy to do the same sports as I used to. I try to go to Gigs when I can, went to one on tuesday and I hope to go again next tuesday for a free gig as I had the best time I've had in ages.
Sleeping in a bed is one of my favourite places to be, though I have recently been going to bed earlier. I guess work is making me more tired as I feel like 9-10 hours is more like the 5-7 I used to have.
And today, my girlfriend and I split up. She was my link to many people who talk to me, still is as we are going to still be friends. But she was a shoulder, a firm helping hand.
If you are angry, perhaps you would like to tell us what you are angry about. Anger can be a powerful motivating force, but only if it leads to action, otherwise it just eats up energy.
If I knew for certain I would say, I guess its just teen rebellion or something insignificant. I tend to go into fast changing moods, snapping at some really small things or making a huge deal over nothing at all. Then my mood might change and I feel guilty about it. Other times I get annoyed but, not angry, at things I have strong emotions to: usually towards damaging the enviornment and other issues I take to heart.
Sometimes you can just wake up angry.
Can I ask you Sky what kinds of things you set fire to and what the consequences of this have been up to this point?
Small things. If I can get an old piece of furnature I will save it for a bonfire. I love Fireworks night.
I love Pringles and Hob Nobs (great buscuits...), the containors they come in are perfect for me, I can safely have paper or card and then when it gets too far up I can drop it into the tin and let it set alight to other paper scraps then to stop the smoke from stinking the house and letting residents know I've been at the lighters I trap it in with the lid (also snubs it out) and then release it outside.
I like insence as well, partly to stop the house smelling. And my cubboards are filled with candles. I just like the flames really, they are interesting. I used to pain pictures of fire but I stopped when I dropped art.
It would also be good to know what you do that you really enjoy Sky? How do you relax and forget about the stress of exams, friends' problems and such?
I have various methods. I'm not essentially a computer person as in I understand RAM and DOS but internet related stuff I have a slight dab hand at. I enjoy online games.
Roleplay too, a fair number of my friends I take with me to roleplay clubs on fridays and during the weekends if I can. Seems sad and people get bullied for it but no one needs to know and its a great way to jump into someone elses life. A lot of things I do I escape from my own life.
I listen to music, more so since this started, more now than ever. I used to do a lot of sports but don't have the energy to do the same sports as I used to. I try to go to Gigs when I can, went to one on tuesday and I hope to go again next tuesday for a free gig as I had the best time I've had in ages.
Sleeping in a bed is one of my favourite places to be, though I have recently been going to bed earlier. I guess work is making me more tired as I feel like 9-10 hours is more like the 5-7 I used to have.
And today, my girlfriend and I split up. She was my link to many people who talk to me, still is as we are going to still be friends. But she was a shoulder, a firm helping hand.
by fathom » Fri Sep 19, 2003 4:18 am
Hi Sky - Uncommon Forum was launched a week ago Tuesday, and showing 55 members.
Good to see you as one of the early members here, and hope you stick around to help and watch this community grow.
Posting can be entertaining, helpful as well as a release for just about anything.
I've been doing this sort of thing for quite a long time, and although I personally do not have the background in personal development as the other experts here - I firmly believe that the message board is extremely beneficial to all our mental health.
Rod
Good to see you as one of the early members here, and hope you stick around to help and watch this community grow.
Posting can be entertaining, helpful as well as a release for just about anything.
I've been doing this sort of thing for quite a long time, and although I personally do not have the background in personal development as the other experts here - I firmly believe that the message board is extremely beneficial to all our mental health.
Rod
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by Roger Elliott » Tue Sep 23, 2003 2:25 pm
OK, confession time. When I was a lad I was into burning just about anything I could get my hand on. My mum freaked out particularly when I filled my action man with tomato ketchup and burned him on a stake. (Can't really blame her 
)
I burned model airplanes, petrol and part of the local woods (now I really hope she isn't reading this!)
The real danger in being around psychologists and the like (and people with psychological problems) is that every type of behaviour becomes 'problemised'.
I mean, is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning "lazy", or "avoidant behaviour"?
This is something I think you should try and tackle Sky. Get back into doing as much varied stuff as you can. Sport is excellent because it is a natural mood enhancer (a proper anti-depressant).
Did you get a change to look through the Basic Needs article properly? (The one that Mark mentioned). That outlines exactly why a varied lifestyle is important.
OK, I hope this is helping you, and about the fires, please don't tell my mum
Best
Roger
)
I burned model airplanes, petrol and part of the local woods (now I really hope she isn't reading this!)
The real danger in being around psychologists and the like (and people with psychological problems) is that every type of behaviour becomes 'problemised'.
I mean, is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning "lazy", or "avoidant behaviour"?
I used to pain pictures of fire but I stopped when I dropped art. I used to do a lot of sports but don't have the energy to do the same sports as I used to.
This is something I think you should try and tackle Sky. Get back into doing as much varied stuff as you can. Sport is excellent because it is a natural mood enhancer (a proper anti-depressant).
Did you get a change to look through the Basic Needs article properly? (The one that Mark mentioned). That outlines exactly why a varied lifestyle is important.
OK, I hope this is helping you, and about the fires, please don't tell my mum
Best
Roger
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by Sky » Tue Sep 23, 2003 3:13 pm
I did indeed have a read through thanks for the text.
I remember probably 2 years ago when me and a friend snuck out and met in the local park at night and doused a barbie in white spirt and tried to set it alight, just afterwards we cremated a dead mouse the cat brought in...didn't work hehehe.
Did you 'grow out' of flames? Or do you control those urges to just make a massive fire?
I would go back to sports I liked if I had the time. My Tennis Coach was always telling me I could go on with it, make it a possible Career out of it but the Saturday mornings I used to do Tennis was used instead for school Rugby, and later Drama (moved to Saturdays).
I am taking up Teaching such Drama to Primary school kids for Community Service (200 hours) and that'll take up a few more of my oh so precious hours a week.
Me and my girlfriend broke up over time issues too so appart the excersise I get at drama I have little time to do many other activities.
Not quite sure what you mean by this, can you explain your explanation.
---
And another thing, I'm not sure if you guys are religious at all but I come from a Christian Family and I'm not sure what they would think of having a problem child around. Is being friends with depressed people accepted do you think? Or even having a possibly depressed child? I worry that I am sometimes.
They sort of know my fire thing, though it's a fad to them. Just 6 year fad.
One of my pictures on the wall from late primary school is a picture of a sun flower. It was originally just another fire picture of a candle but the teacher told us that we were going to show our parents them at the next assembly and I painted over it incase my parents saw.
I remember probably 2 years ago when me and a friend snuck out and met in the local park at night and doused a barbie in white spirt and tried to set it alight, just afterwards we cremated a dead mouse the cat brought in...didn't work hehehe.
Did you 'grow out' of flames? Or do you control those urges to just make a massive fire?
I would go back to sports I liked if I had the time. My Tennis Coach was always telling me I could go on with it, make it a possible Career out of it but the Saturday mornings I used to do Tennis was used instead for school Rugby, and later Drama (moved to Saturdays).
I am taking up Teaching such Drama to Primary school kids for Community Service (200 hours) and that'll take up a few more of my oh so precious hours a week.
Me and my girlfriend broke up over time issues too so appart the excersise I get at drama I have little time to do many other activities.
The real danger in being around psychologists and the like (and people with psychological problems) is that every type of behaviour becomes 'problemised'.
I mean, is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning "lazy", or "avoidant behaviour"?
Not quite sure what you mean by this, can you explain your explanation.
---
And another thing, I'm not sure if you guys are religious at all but I come from a Christian Family and I'm not sure what they would think of having a problem child around. Is being friends with depressed people accepted do you think? Or even having a possibly depressed child? I worry that I am sometimes.
They sort of know my fire thing, though it's a fad to them. Just 6 year fad.
One of my pictures on the wall from late primary school is a picture of a sun flower. It was originally just another fire picture of a candle but the teacher told us that we were going to show our parents them at the next assembly and I painted over it incase my parents saw.
by Roger Elliott » Tue Sep 23, 2003 8:08 pm
Did you 'grow out' of flames? Or do you control those urges to just make a massive fire?
Funny, never really thought about it, but I just moved onto other things. Still like a good bonfire though, same as anyone
The real danger in being around psychologists and the like (and people with psychological problems) is that every type of behaviour becomes 'problemised'.
I mean, is not wanting to get out of bed in the morning "lazy", or "avoidant behaviour"?
What I mean is, if you really try, you can see almost everything someone does as 'abnormal behaviour'. Or you can just accept that people are different, weird, and fascinating.
Is being friends with depressed people accepted do you think?
It shouldn't only be accepted, it should be applauded. But it can be difficult.
Best
Roger
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by Sky » Wed Sep 24, 2003 12:36 pm
What I mean is, if you really try, you can see almost everything someone does as 'abnormal behaviour'. Or you can just accept that people are different, weird, and fascinating.
Hehe, too true. When people call me a freak I say thanks. Being different makes me proud.
Cheers Rodge.
How did you become interested in Psycology?
by Roger Elliott » Wed Sep 24, 2003 3:24 pm
Hi Sky
Guess I've always been interested in how people work, but I'm also addicted to problem solving . So the two go nicely together!
Roger
Guess I've always been interested in how people work, but I'm also addicted to problem solving
. So the two go nicely together!
Roger
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by Roger Elliott » Wed Sep 24, 2003 7:04 pm
HI Sky
No I didn't. I find the sort of psychology that's taught in schools and many universities rather dry and more focused on philosophy, theory and explanation, rather than being practical and useful and focused on solutions.
But then that's just me
No I didn't. I find the sort of psychology that's taught in schools and many universities rather dry and more focused on philosophy, theory and explanation, rather than being practical and useful and focused on solutions.
But then that's just me
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by Sky » Wed Oct 15, 2003 9:07 pm
Hey MrRoger. Well I took some time to think and sort myself out and I'm back (not for long, I'm off to Australia on saturday...family to visit 
).
Well I had a pretty eventful week and thought I'd share a bit with you guys as a topic came up which I am wondering about.
I managed to completely burn down this old abandoned toilet building in my local park. Great fun and such a release of anger. The fire dept put the flames out and we turned ourselves in but were given a warning. I can't wait till I'm in Australia as my family have a mass of land right next to a forest, I love nothing more than a great big (controlled) bonfire with friends and family.
But the topic I thought of during the week and have been pondering about is sleep loss. See I have stopped taking sleeping aids because of the Jab for travelling to 'exotic' places and I thought the two medications might have a side effect or reaction.
So naturally I can't sleep yet I am so tired, I walk like I am a zombie. And I looked up things like Insomnia on the internet and now I wonder...
Why are Insomnia, Hunger loss/gain, and other possible signs of Depression well... signs of depression? I'm just wondering why it affects depressed people.
).
Well I had a pretty eventful week and thought I'd share a bit with you guys as a topic came up which I am wondering about.
I managed to completely burn down this old abandoned toilet building in my local park. Great fun and such a release of anger. The fire dept put the flames out and we turned ourselves in but were given a warning.
I can't wait till I'm in Australia as my family have a mass of land right next to a forest, I love nothing more than a great big (controlled) bonfire with friends and family.
But the topic I thought of during the week and have been pondering about is sleep loss. See I have stopped taking sleeping aids because of the Jab for travelling to 'exotic' places and I thought the two medications might have a side effect or reaction.
So naturally I can't sleep yet I am so tired, I walk like I am a zombie. And I looked up things like Insomnia on the internet and now I wonder...
Why are Insomnia, Hunger loss/gain, and other possible signs of Depression well... signs of depression? I'm just wondering why it affects depressed people.
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