Well I Can’t Complain…

I very common reply to the casual greeting “How Are You” is often “Well, I Can’t Complain”… it’s not quite of the same proper caliber as “Fine and How Are You”, but it gets the job done. Anyway, I was visiting a local tavern and an acquaintance of mine put a funny little twist on it… after saying “I Can’t Complain” he added, “nobody cares anyway”. It made me laugh, and I thought about its application to Anger Management, that is, how a great deal of our manifested anger is really kind of put on ‘for the show’… to make a statement to others… to show them how we feel… and where we draw the line, and all that sort of stuff. But essentially, the man is right, that nobody cares. Well, one might say that there are people who have trained themselves to listen well to others and show empathy, and of course that is very civilized and caring, but, the truth is that 20 seconds after you leave the room or they do, all the grand and sweeping issues that provoked your tears or rage will be forgotten, and that nice kind person will be pretending to care about somebody else.

Oh! From the Anger Management standpoint, well, we can be very grateful for all of those kind people out there who listen and sympathize with us. It has a calming effect, as we all know. As there are some people that make us angry, well, if we think about it for a moment, there are other people who calm us down. And they do it by acting kindly and considerately (and you should notice that they always seem to speak softly). We should all learn how to behave that way so that when we notice some friend, acquaintance or loved one becoming agitated, we can step in and help keep the lid on.

But as for ourselves, well, we need to get strong enough, or stoic enough, to not need rescuing, that is, to take the ups and downs of life with an even mind and a cool temperament. Even when things don’t go well. Why, just the other day I kind of proved the point to myself and managed to actually behave as I would advise everybody else too… what happened was that I was snubbed in this one bar… kind of insulted, as a matter of fact. Well, I took it in my stride. I didn’t react negatively but pretended to see the positive aspects of it, and found a way to fit in a joke to make people laugh… to defuse the situation. When a bit later I saw that the ‘snubber’ felt perhaps concerned and a little bit guilty, I even said things to put him at ease. Then I waited a decent span of time until everything seemed to move on and the room quite forgot about me, and then I left, didn’t look back, and I’m fairly share that a herd of wild horses could never drag me back to that place again. We don’t have to like the things Life Presents, but we can avoid what we can certainly avoid, but what we don’t need to do is ever make a scene. Making waves just rocks the boat. And then there is the matter that nobody cares anyway.

We should do what we do, with as little drama and speechifying as possible. If it seems reasonable to explain our motives, that is, if talking might actually do any good… if we are being sincerely and persistently asked for answers, then yes, do what you can to put other people at ease. But the best rule to live by is just to keep quiet and do it. Remember that the only person who really cares about you is yourself, and you should begin to act that way.