First of all: Hello to anyone who is reading this! I'm really greatful for the time you decided to spend on having an insight in my life!
Now, to the point: I'm a 20 year old guy, and recently I've decided to quit weed, caffeine and nicotine. Yeah, all of these at once. It's kind of tough so far, but I think I'mma be just fine with some patience.
So, here's my story:
I first smoked weed when I was 15, I think it was my birthday actually. In that time, it was really something new and exciting. It was just fun and nothing more.
Since that time, I've been smoking on and off, but eventually always came back to cannabis. Although I had breaks, the majority of the past 5 years was me smoking daily, at least once a day, usually more. It was something that I really enjoyed and was just "mine", if you know what I mean.
During that time, my dad has left my family and divorced my mom, so weed helped me with numbing the sadness caused by this. Also, my mom started drinking, which hasn't stopped untill today. It was quite tough. Weed helped me to not think about these things.
As we all probably know, bottling up your feelings is just a recipe for disaster. And the disaster came.
When I was 16.5 I started to experience feelings of depression and loneliness. I don't think it was all due to weed, but it probably was the "trigger" that helped my brain manifest these feelings. When you're high, thoughs are very intense and weird so yeah...
Then I had my first long break after smoking daily for over a year. I stopped mainly because my mom found out and started drug testing me.
The withdrawal only worsened the depressed feelings that I already had and I seeked help by going to a psychiatrist, who gave me a bunch of antidepresants and anit-psychotic medication. I was at least smart enough to not smoke during the therapy, but I don't really remember the year 2018 anyway - the medication made me into a zombie, even more so than weed sometimes.
During that period, I developed a "substitute" addiction - energy drinks, coffee, anhydrous caffeine. I was drinking it and taking it way more than anyone should I think. Also, that's when I started smoking e-cigarettes and convencional cigarettes sometimes. Another substance to the mix.
Then, during summer 2019 I went to work in the Netherlands, where I started smoking again, since I turned 18 earlier that year and I felt free from my moms influence on that matter. That's also where I decided to let go of my pills.
I continued to smoke heavily even when I came home (to Poland, where cannabis is still illegal) and did so for another half a year, when I got into a realtionship. She was very anti drugs and ordered me to stop. I did, since I still had my values straight - no drug is ever better than a person. Even though later on it turned out she was very manipulative and toxic, I felt good about myself... I felt like i haven't lost my priorities, which was something I was always afraid of. When the relationship ended in April last year, the whole world was deep in the COVID-19 sh** and that worsened everything again.
I relapsed again and it got to the point where I would drink at least a few bears daily and smoke at least 0.5 to 1g a day. It was my very bad way of coping with the pandemic and the breakup.
In the background, I was still smoking e-cigs and cigarettes, alongside with drinking copious amonuts of caffeine throught the day. Damn, looking back, I was really in a bad place then..
Since then, I was pretty much a daily smoker again. Till this summer. In May this year, I started to experience very anxious feelings when I got high. Not even the funny "everyone is looking at me" weed paranoia - the "I'm gonna have a heart attack and f***ing die" type of paranoia. That's where I started to dial down the amounts of weed I smoked, because I always asociated smoking with something fun and pleasurable - not something scary.
The thought of quiting weed first came to my head on my last year's acid trip. Even though at first it was quite scary, later on I felt like the trip gave me a lot to think about. It was my second and to this day last psychodelic trip. I don't plan on doing it again, at least not in the next few years.
But the thought of quitting my addictions remained after the trip. It slowly grew in my head and the sudden panic and anxiety from weed only reassured me in my decision. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the right moment, which came shortly after.
In June this year I met a girl. I girl so amazing, that it made my heart melt, for the first time in forever. A girl, that I felt I knew since the beginning of my life even though we just met.
That was my signal.
She knew about my habit of smoking since the beginning of our relationship and didn't see anything "wrong" with it. She said "Everyone does what they want, I see you're a good guy and the fact that you smoke sometimes doesn't change a thing about that".
Of course it wasnt't "sometimes" but everyday. That hit me. Eventually I told her that I was a daily smoker, but she still didn't immedietelly lose intrest in me. That motivated me a lot. Nights spent with her were the first since a looong time where I didn't smoke not because I didn't have weed on hand. I just didn't need to. I didn't want to.
A month ago, I quit caffeine. I don't drink it anynore and never want to again. I also ditched my e-cig, cigarettes and tobbaco heaters such as Glo and iQos. I never want to come back to them as well.
Now is the time to ditch weed. I have been sober for the past two weeks now.
I know it's gonna be hard, but I want to do it, at least for so long, that my anxiety and other psyche problems will subside. I like challenges and this is gonna be my biggest challenge ever. I'm looking forward to see how it goes.
I don't think I'll stop smoking for the rest of my life. I still think weed is an amazing plant and the best drug you can take - that is, if you know moderation. I deffinitelly won't do it as much as I used to. Not even close. It's time to finally deal with my problems, rather than burry them.
For now, I'm planning on a very long break from weed, I'm thinking at least 0.5-1 year. Then we'll see. It's probably gonna be longer tbh.
I hope this was insightfull for someone who read it till this point. Thank you for your time and I hope this forum will help me with dealing with withdrawals from all my addictions. Thank you again and see you later!
Dienar, 20.08.2021