desperate788 wrote: this anger causes pressure on my mind ...
Who are you angry at? Yourself? If you're fighting yourself, you can't win.
It pains me to see you beating yourself up with words like "idiotic", "lethargic and unmotivated". You need a lot more faith in yourself and your ability to solve your own problems without drugs. Try telling yourself you're a survivor, you're strong, you are the decision-maker, no one else is running your life.