can anyone help?

I am the mother and carer of a 19-year-old (almost 20-year-old) Child with Autism. The last couple of months last year he went thought what to him was hell. We had strangers in and out of our home doing the roof and putting in a new boiler, my ex's dad and mom (who my son was close with) both passed away and then the main thing that seemed to upset him the most he lost his PlayStation account.

It is the last one hs is obsessed with. He thought of it as his job, he never made any money playing the game he did on it but to him, it was his job and when PlayStation permanently banned his account it crushed him. It took me a month to persuade him to make a new account to talk to his friends he had on there and to play games on, I even put money on it so he could rebuy all his games, but he refused to buy the main game he was playing back then as he wanted his old account (or his job as he called it) back.

Cut to January this year. He suddenly stopped bathing, stopped changing his clothing and stopped brushing his hair (which is long as he said he wanted long hair). I called social services, they said they didn't know which side needed to come out to him (Mental health or adult learning) so they would look into it and get in touch with me. Months went past and still, my son would not bath or change or even talk to me about anything. He stopped going out places with me as well saying he didn't want to go places with me. Eventually, I called the doctors as I was so worried about how not bathing was going to affect my son's health. They said they would call him in for a check-up and that would allow me to bring the subject up with the doctor with him there.

I did just that and my son gave me a black look and refused to talk, so I left the room so he would open up. I have no idea what was said because of the whole patient-doctor confidentiality thing, but she said she was sending him to see the NHS mental health. By this time July was here and my son was starting to stink but still, he refused to bathe or change. We went through to see the mental health lot and he went into their office alone and I stayed in the waiting room. Once more I wasn't told anything but when he came out he seemed a little more like his old self including being willing to go shopping in Asda with me while we were there. At the same time, I had rung social services again and they said they would send someone out in 3 weeks, which I told my son. They didn't show up so according to my son I lied to him. Also in July, I managed to finally find a care company that was willing to come out to do a befriending like service for him, they were the only ones in my area that would do it like no one else did this area. So I hired them to come out once a week just for 30 minutes to try and get him to open up to them.

About a month later a group called MAIN started to come out, I had no idea who sent them as once more they said they couldn't tell me anything without my son's permission. At this point, I rang the mental health people he had gone to see to see when they would be seeing him again as it had been over a month since he had last seen him. They said they had signed off on him and passed him to MAIN. So after hanging upon them, I rang social services again. They apologized for not being out yet and said because of his autism he needed to see their mental health side, not the adult learning side. I said I didn't care which side came out as long as a social worker came out as that is what my son has been shouting for since January. They sent 2 mental health nurses out and they upset him to the point he told them un-politely to go away. MAIN, however, was still coming out all be it only half an hour a month and he was still talking to them, although the poor carer who came out was still talking to a closed bedroom door for 30 minutes each week.

We are now in November I have called social services another twice since the last time and at the beginning of the month the social services mental health nurses came out again and once more they annoyed my son to the point he told them once more un-politely where to go. However a few days ago they rang me and told me to keep an eye on my son in a few days time as he has said he will hurt himself if he doesn't get his job back by then (His PlayStation account), he had added that they weren't to tell me.

So now I am stuck. I have called them again asking for a social worker for my son and got told one of the mental health nurses had been a social worker, but they never said that when they came out. They seem to have washed their hands of my son. MAIN is still going to be coming out but after ringing them and telling them I was concerned and what I think would help my son I was told they can't discuss anything with me without his permission. He still hasn't bathed and his boxer shorts are more like scrap material than boxers. If ANYONE on here can suggest what I can do to try and get my son bathing again and changing his clothing, or which organizations I could turn to to get him help, I would be very grateful as all of this worry and stress is causing my depression to begin spiraling, normally I have control of my problems but at the moment I don't, however I know if I could find him the help to get him back to where he was with is bathing and changing clothing and going out and about with me or anyone else then I would be able to get control of my own depression once more