I need some help figuring out what is going on with my boyfriend. He gets very angry with me when I bring up subjects/conflicts that have never been resolved. He has always put off discussing things with me with a "later" remark. But we never get around to it, so I've been somewhat ruthless lately in pursuing topics.
He calls names, sulks, walks out on me, tells me to shutup, etc. And one time he threw something at me that hit me.
That was a couple weeks ago and I immediately moved out and have not told him the location of my new apartment. I came back to him with the understanding that he needed to work on his anger problem. He agreed wholeheartedly then, but now, it's all my fault!
I'm crazy! and I bother him, and thats why he swatted at my phone and snarled like a rabid wolf to shutup when I told my friend he was in a bad mood and thats why he wouldn't speak to him...
I've been talking to his mother, a therapist, and reading several self-help books about communicating. His mom said he needs seretonin medication and he's fine; do you think he's be ok if he was on meds? My therapist and parents say that he doens't love me and to get rid of him...I'm just wondering if this is an issue he can work through with or without medical treatment? And, how do you best explain to someone their anger problem without them exploding at you because they feel incredibly defensive?
Everything was so wonderful before I refused to keep dropping all of my emotional needs and issues; I'm sick of taking the backseat!
walking on eggshells!
4 posts
• Page 1 of 1
by hXcpunkXdrummerX » Sat Dec 03, 2005 11:57 pm
I think if this keeps going on then there is no point in continuing with him.
What I m saying [since i know the whole "dump him" thing was kind of extreme] is that it is pointless to continue with someone who will never talk to you about unsolved problems/questions.
What I m saying [since i know the whole "dump him" thing was kind of extreme] is that it is pointless to continue with someone who will never talk to you about unsolved problems/questions.
- hXcpunkXdrummerX
- Junior Member
- Posts: 22
- Joined: Fri Dec 02, 2005 12:20 am
- Likes Received: 0
by TalkToMe » Sun Dec 04, 2005 1:22 am
Hey There,
Well, first of all, his mom might be a therapist but remember that she will always be his mom first and as such, her professional opinion will not be objective and credible as a professional. Meds might help him, but it won't eliminate the behavior if anger is the way he has learned how to deal with frustrating situations.
You're right about not being the victim anymore. This verbal abuse is not healthy at all for anyone to deal with and it runs opposite of how a healthy relationship should be handled.
It sounds like you have been doing all the work here. You have the power herre to negotiate. When negotiating, you have to remember to draw the line and stick to it. Angry people like to use the "foot-in-the-door" tactic where they get you to come back and slowly they start back with their usual behavior and the victim gives in gradually because they give them one more chance, and then another, and then another.....No more chances. He either helps you or you leave. He's gotta understand that you are a gift and a blessing in his life and he's a very lucky guy in that respect and if he wants to stay lucky...he's going to need to work.
Well, first of all, his mom might be a therapist but remember that she will always be his mom first and as such, her professional opinion will not be objective and credible as a professional. Meds might help him, but it won't eliminate the behavior if anger is the way he has learned how to deal with frustrating situations.
You're right about not being the victim anymore. This verbal abuse is not healthy at all for anyone to deal with and it runs opposite of how a healthy relationship should be handled.
It sounds like you have been doing all the work here. You have the power herre to negotiate. When negotiating, you have to remember to draw the line and stick to it. Angry people like to use the "foot-in-the-door" tactic where they get you to come back and slowly they start back with their usual behavior and the victim gives in gradually because they give them one more chance, and then another, and then another.....No more chances. He either helps you or you leave. He's gotta understand that you are a gift and a blessing in his life and he's a very lucky guy in that respect and if he wants to stay lucky...he's going to need to work.
4 posts
• Page 1 of 1
