I have been trawling these forums and thought I would post to vent my own story as I want to grow as a person so I can improve myself and relationships with people around me.
I feel like I am at rock bottom. I suffer from what I would call mid range depression. It was exacerbated probably 6 months ago as there was some upheaval in my life (moved city and quit my job while wife was 6 months pregnant). I started seeing a psychologist and had around 4 sessions before my daughter was born. I felt slightly improved and felt like I was on the right track and then my daughter arrived and I stopped going as it was hard to fit in and I used it as an excuse to not have to go. Fast forward 6 weeks and I feel like I am back to square one (maybe further back!). I would describe it as feeling like a shell of a person. My laziness and seeming inability to improve myself as a person is severely impacting my relationship. I have previously relied VERY heavily on my wife to tell me what is wrong and then offer solutions or plans on how to better myself. I then don't really follow what she has suggested and it crumbles.
I suppose I am looking for ways to implement lasting change in myself. I know I want to be a better person for myself but I have no idea to go about it! I have been writing a bit of a daily journal to try and consolidate my thoughts and I have also booked another session with a psychologist but I want more tools to work on myself.
Sorry for the wall of text and I hope this is in the right section. Any suggestions are welcomed.
Rock Bottom
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by federico91 » Tue Mar 28, 2017 4:09 am
Hello brother, it's very difficult to change, It takes a lot of effort, a lot of will, motivations, Desire to live, desire to change, You have to feel dissatisfied with your current situation, Dissatisfaction can be a great motivation, The brain is lazy, gets used to it and has difficulty changing, doing physical activity can help you develop greater will power, greater motivation
Change your eating habits, Motivate, motivate your mind with music, with books of psychology, personal improvement, Leave the comfort zone, Help the people in need, to feel better and value everything you have, Think about your daughter, You have a wife and a daughter, many people, are alone, or do not have a daughter, you are lucky, you can do it, if you propose to improve, look for help Help yourself
Change your eating habits, Motivate, motivate your mind with music, with books of psychology, personal improvement, Leave the comfort zone, Help the people in need, to feel better and value everything you have, Think about your daughter, You have a wife and a daughter, many people, are alone, or do not have a daughter, you are lucky, you can do it, if you propose to improve, look for help Help yourself
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by Candid » Tue Mar 28, 2017 9:42 am
NDC352 wrote:My laziness and seeming inability to improve myself as a person is severely impacting my relationship. I have previously relied VERY heavily on my wife to tell me what is wrong and then offer solutions or plans on how to better myself.
Here's a radical thought: maybe there's nothing wrong with you. Maybe you're good enough just as you are.
Sorry for the wall of text
I've seen far bigger walls on the forum!
Any suggestions are welcomed.
I suggest positive affirmations. Start by telling yourself you're a good man, your wife loves you, you're clever, you care about other people, etc. Walk tall and hold your head up.
That is, unless you want to tell us who criticised you so much that you've carried this burden of depression into adulthood.
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by wonkymirror » Tue Mar 28, 2017 10:25 am
I think if anything, now is the time to cut yourself some slack. You have both just bought a beautiful new human being into the world. It's okay to not focus on yourself right now, and it's okay if you feel like you've taken steps backwards because in time you will start moving forward again.
You are clearly an intelligent man, as you recognize you aren't perfect and want to work on being a better person, that's great, but self improvement is seldom a task that takes weeks or months, it's a process of working through the mistakes that everyone makes in life at one time or another, and learning over time.
Focus on being the best you can be for your daughter and wife, I am sure your wife appreciates how you are trying to change, sometimes it is the act of trying that is enough for the moment.
Without being over sentimental, I can understand that being a new parent is one of the most challenging things you can face in life, so don't pile pressure on pressure! My father brought me up pretty much by himself and in adulthood I now understand he isn't perfect, who is? he is human, with flaws and faults and warts and all. But he is an excellent Dad.
If when your daughter grows up she can say the same of you, isn't that the mark of being a better human being? having truly made a difference in another persons life? I personally think so
You are clearly an intelligent man, as you recognize you aren't perfect and want to work on being a better person, that's great, but self improvement is seldom a task that takes weeks or months, it's a process of working through the mistakes that everyone makes in life at one time or another, and learning over time.
Focus on being the best you can be for your daughter and wife, I am sure your wife appreciates how you are trying to change, sometimes it is the act of trying that is enough for the moment.
Without being over sentimental, I can understand that being a new parent is one of the most challenging things you can face in life, so don't pile pressure on pressure! My father brought me up pretty much by himself and in adulthood I now understand he isn't perfect, who is? he is human, with flaws and faults and warts and all. But he is an excellent Dad.
If when your daughter grows up she can say the same of you, isn't that the mark of being a better human being? having truly made a difference in another persons life? I personally think so
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by NDC352 » Wed Mar 29, 2017 6:22 am
Thanks for all the replies - good to see people on here willing to take the time to write something back.
Not sure how to do the quotes but Candid - I wouldn't say that anyone has criticised me (any more than the next person anyway!) and as a result brought the depression into adulthood. I have only developed the depression in the last few years.
I have kept the 'stay positive' mantra somewhat but I feel that it is early days and coming from what feels like a crisis point, it is hard to maintain positivity.
Keep suggestions coming!
Not sure how to do the quotes but Candid - I wouldn't say that anyone has criticised me (any more than the next person anyway!) and as a result brought the depression into adulthood. I have only developed the depression in the last few years.
I have kept the 'stay positive' mantra somewhat but I feel that it is early days and coming from what feels like a crisis point, it is hard to maintain positivity.
Keep suggestions coming!
5 posts
• Page 1 of 1