I am out of control

ag5t wrote:I am new to this board. I have been working at my "retirement" job cleaning cars for a car rental company. One co-worker kept picking on me all day long and I simply exploded and told everyone I had had it and I was quitting. I have had a bad temper my entire life. I quit working for city government because I could not get along with the supervisor. And now I quit because I could not take it from a co-worker. My family can get along if I'm not working - barely. I just feel like I need a job where I am on my own or don't have any bosses. I just became a diabetic and have new meds plus my white blood cell count is up, I also have sleep apnea, so I am not the healthiest person. But for 50 plus years I have gone along quietly and then all of a sudden I explode with temper. I sure can use any thoughts or encouragement.

Dear Age50

Unfortunately I can relate. I lost a couple of jobs in my Life because of not being able to Deal with Sudden Changes in Management, from Very Good Bosses to Very Bad, and because I didn’t have any Patience with Incompetent, Stupid, and Obnoxious Co-workers. Sometimes, you simply have to Realize Really Quickly that you need to calmly Turn In your Resignation, explaining to the New Idiot Boss, that you feel a new position Somewhere Else would be in the best interests of your Continued Career Prospects, or if in the case of not being able to abide with Primitive Co-workers, that you feel mis-matched in your current situation and need to go where your own Abilities would Complement that of the Staff instead of working at odds with them.

Exploding in anger, as you have found, only destroys your own Reputation. You might as well Quit with Dignity then to Get Fired and be led out by Security or Quit under a Storm Cloud of Nastiness which will be followed a Plague of backbiting gossip about you.

But, THAT being said, I STILL believe that I had made some Horrible Choices and that my Own Behavior helped to contribute to my Career Setbacks. Anger Fogs the Thinking. And to Succeed in this Complex World you have to Always be as Clear Headed as a Chess Player. NOW, I Know I should have been able to ‘Play’ those new Idiot Bosses, or Work Around those Neanderthal Co-workers. You need to be Icy and Calculating. There were Things I could have done which I didn’t Think to do.

But I do realize that I am asking you to effectively Over-haul your Entire Personally. Hot Heads don’t suddenly become Cool and Calm, without first some drastic Inner Changes taking place. Well, you are Only 50. You are Still Young, sort of. That is when I started getting serious about Anger Management. And it ends up being So Much More than just being about Anger Management. As I said, when you begin to manage to Stay Calm, you realize you have Options which you Never Thought About Before. So you have to Think About Things when before you just Acted Emotionally. So you have to Examine your Intellectual Assumptions and World View. It really begins a Whole New Life – a Mental and Intellectual Life.

I started with a Therapist, but He got me used to the idea of utilizing Self Help Books. Now, be VERY Selective about Self Help. There are plenty of Books written by those New Age Grafters and such books would only annoy you. Get Books by Psychologists and Therapists with Clinical Experience. The best Author I know is Ronald Potter-Efron. He’s even written College Textbooks on Anger Management, so the Guy is the Real Deal in Anger Management Circles. A book by Peter Favaro was also a good book. Read the On Line Reviews. And it is not like you will only read a couple. You will read a Couple ever few Months. In three years you will have a good sense of Every Anger Management Book on the Market, and your own Pet Theories on Anger Management. Nothing short of Becoming One of the Experts, sort of, will get you to where you want to Be.

What worked for me was to have An Anger Management Time Slot Everyday. You can’t stop. For instance, you get a Great Job where everyone is as Chill as a Penguin, and so you Think you do not have an Anger Problem anymore. Well, you just haven’t been Triggered. Besides, Everybody Needs a Hobby. I just Made Anger Management one of my Hobbies. Daily Activity Keeps it on my Mind. You find yourself applying your Anger Management while Watching TV or at the Movies. You sit their Critiquing all the Characters’ Behaviors…. “that was a provocative Thing to Say… No! Don’t take the Bait!... Oh, you stepped in it and now the only thing to do is Damage Control – apologize” and on and on and on. It is like you become a Coach of a Major League Anger Management Team… when you are not Playing Yourself you can shout in Plays from the Sidelines. It’s a Good Hobby. Retired guys Need Hobbies.