dazed and confused about life

**Posts:** 1 · by **neverforget123** » Thu Apr 01, 2004 9:38 pm

As a child, i remeber my mother being gone all of the time. i was either with my grandparents or at my dads, sometimes left with step dad. i was never sexually abused. i never did good in school. i was always told that i wasn't working hard enough or paying attention. my mothers bingo was more important than my education. i moved to my fathers at the age of 14. i was happy from the time of 14 until i married at 18.i always worked in my younger teens, had money to go to college. around 16 i lost intrest in school and dropped out. i thought getting married would change things. i was wrong. i lived thru a cruel, domestic violence marriage. it made me a different person. the people i loved and my friends wouldn't come around. it wasn't because of my husband but me. i was torchered enough to become a mean, cruel, and unloving person. things got so bad in my marriage i left before one of us ended a life. i have lived with my dad for almost 3 yrs. i have come around, but still have bad thoughts. i have crying spells. i get angry and scream and throw stuff. its like i am that person again. i can control my anger but sometimes get that way when i have to do something i hate or don;t want to do. i have anxiety attacks over small things. i have and am working on a long battle to correct this. i cant forget the past though. i see good things ahead and see myself as a good person. but what about when the moods come around? why do they come. they come up when no one is around. i have talked to people and they say its normal. it isnt normal for a 25 yr old acting like a 10 yr old ina fit. anyone else feel like this? : :cry:

**Posts:** 2522 · by **kfedouloff** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 9:21 am

Hi neverforget!

(I wonder what it is that you want to remember... :wink:

)

I'm impressed at the efforts you have made to deal with things, working to reduce your anxiety, and realising that you are a good person at heart, with good things ahead of you.

You mention that you get angry when you have to do something you hate or don't want to do. That doesn't seem strange to me. I would get angry if I had to do something I hate! Can you give an example of the sort of thing that would get you riled enough to scream and throw things? What has to happen for you to get to feel like that? Maybe you could describe an incident that happened recently, and then we could think about all the issues involved and see if we can come up with any ideas for you to try.

Kathleen

**Posts:** 8 · by **jimmycat** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 11:53 pm

I think that the fact you've acknowedged this issue is a great start in overcoming your problem. From your post, I gather that you were made to grow up fast and take on adult responsiblities perhaps younger than you were ready to. Your admission that you thought marrying at 18 yrs would solve your problems tell me that the marriage was a means in your mind and not a devotion. When you realized that your marriage wasn't going to solve your problems and especially when it became abusive, you were probably in deep and felt that you were stuck, a victim of circumstances. How can you effectively deal with stress and trauma if you hadn't learned coping skills as a young adult? You react instead of act (If someone lashes out at you, then your first reaction is to lash back). I think whats important for you to do now is to learn new ways of managing your temper and also try to cognitively restructure your perception of distasteful things. For example, if you are asked to get into the car and pick someone up downtown, instead of looking at it as a disruption in your day, think of the person in need of the ride...without you they're stuck walking. If someone asks you to do the dishes, consider all of them being dirty and you are in need of one....would you rather wash one and use it, or spend 10 minutes washing them all and have dishes to use.

Your mood swings I feel are a product of your past and fairly normal. Not normal for the average 25 year old, but certainly expected for someone coming out of a traumatic relationship like you did. You should really consider seeing a therapist to help you overcome your past trauma. I assume that for so long you reacted (violently?) to disagreeble things in your home while you were married (since it sounds like it was normal behavior) you are finding that these reactions are not appropriate for a life outside of an abusive relationship. Your behaviour was learned and can be unlearned, so don't worry. You should also discuss the possibility of depression with your therapist.

Keep at it and I am confident that you will achieve success. Never lose heart.
I hope this helps some.

dazed and confused about life

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