desperate788 wrote:I must change but it's not easy it's a decades of mental abuse
Matey, I've been through that myself. I agree it messes up your head, and the way you relate to people, but you can still find your way if you want to. Start by thinking what you'd like to do and what you'd like to have, also who you'd like to be.
I know you'd like a partner, and I hope you understand that no woman (or man either, for that matter) wants to be around someone who
complains about every aspect of his life yet has
no intention of doing anything about it.
Find that intention. It's vital.